LDR - Will he come back?

[mecastillo1987]

I've been with other men in real life. Two of my earlier relationships were for 2 and 4 years, respectively, living in. My circumstances are perhaps different. As I mentioned earlier, I grew up living in different places since childhood, relocating every 7 years to another continent, so I have quite a bit of monochopsis. Having been exposed to so many different cultures during my formative years, dating locally has been a bit of a challenge (there's a sense of feeling limited to connecting with me completely) although it is still pleasant.

[mecastillo1987]

Yes, I would truly 100% always prefer actual physical presence. I took a chance. After having dated locally and truly engaging in actual relationships, meeting this ex (both online and in person) just felt like I had finally met the one that 'fit' my personality like a glove, just with the wrong circumstance of distance. Sure, there may have been an easy sense of novelty with the convenience of connecting to someone easily over the phone... and there have been plenty of success stories in today's digital age... I suppose I just took a leap of faith, hoping he was feeling the same way. 😞 But I was wrong... and it's been the most painful heartache for me to date. 😞

[SGH]

But what hurt the most was that he told me he wouldn't reconcile with me at all... and even if the future was uncertain for reconsideration, he was neither "hoping for, working towards, or considering" us being together in the future. I was devastated. It had been almost 4 weeks after our break up, and his decision was still the same. I was back to square one, crying again. I eventually asked him politely not to reach out to me anymore to which he agreed. This took place 8 days ago. Yesterday, he unfollowed me on social media and deleted our pictures together.

Is it completely over for us at this point? 😞 I still truly want him back. If this is no longer an option, how do I move on?

I know it hurts and you want us to tell you that the two of you will possibly get back together, but he answered your question. Believe him. He means it.

In order to move forward, you need to wake up and decide every day that you are going to try to fall out of love with this person. It may take a long time before you are not in pain anymore, but chasing him when he's made a firm decision will not help matters.

[mecastillo1987]

Thank you for guiding me to the right way of thinking about the situation. I sincerely wish my grief subsides sooner.

[loyal]

It is over. He told you he would not reconcile. Take time to let yourself heal...it will not be easy, but you can do it. Don't try to contact him; this will make things harder.

You can get over this by putting one foot in front of the other. Exercise. Spend time with friends and family. Read books (not romances). Turn off the television and do things.

In the words of the AMAZING Carol King:
"You've got to get up every morning
With a smile in your face
And show the world all the love in your heart
Then people gonna treat you better
You're gonna find, yes you will
That you're beautiful as you feel."

[MissCanuck]

Yes, I think this is over for good.

What was a mostly-online relationship lost its appeal for him and he noticed incompatibilities. He likely realized the logistics of continuing would be incredibly complicated, and his interest level was no longer high enough to try to work through it. You also admit he tried to end it once before; this is a man who really did have one foot out the door from that point on.

It is for the best that you cannot connect with him on social media anymore. You don't want a front-row seat to his life as you watch him move on. That would hurt even more than not being in touch. It will sting for a while. Let yourself grieve and heal. Date locally next time.

I am curious, though, what sort of hurtful things you said to him when you were frustrated by the distance? Can you elaborate on what happened here? "I admit I lost my temper and said some hurtful things because he would stonewall me or immediately discontinue the conversation."

[SarahRose]

Unfortunately, he made it pretty clear it was over. It seems you were way more invested than he was.

He didn't make the effort to visit you in your country. You were willing to move to his country. Did he ever offer to move to your country?

He wasn't willing to move to your country which would have made more sense since you have an established career in law and he worked freelance.

I agree with the others to date locally as you can get to know someone much easier in person than online.

[LootieTootie]

Sadly if he had wanted to close that gap, he would have made more of an effort. I think a part of you knew that he wasn't which was probably causing division and anxiety.

My husband and I met thru a playstation game and we've talked for 6 months. Out of the 6 months, 4 of those months he decided in order to move to my city he had to get out of his little town in order to find work. So he moved to Las Vegas and started working two to three odd jobs to save up and move to my city. Everyone thought he was crazy including me but here we are three years later and doing fine.

Date however you want to date... just know when to spot a dead end. You can have the best chemistry but if you both aren't willing to put the work and effort, be willing to accept that it's not a glove that fits you.

[mecastillo1987]

Thank you, sincerely. I had a good cry last night after posting this.

Will it be a good idea to text him saying that I understand his decision more now? And sincerely wish him well in life?

It's been over a week of No Contact. The last thing I said to him 9 days ago was, "May I kindly ask you not to talk to me anymore?" to which he agreed. I know it hurt him a bit, because he preferred that we ended things on good terms. It's just that I was in so much pain from the rejection after our last conversation with him saying we needed to move forward with our lives. (I was still in denial at the time.)

[MissCanuck]

You could message him, but I’m not sure what purpose it would serve at this point.

Re-opening the door to communication won’t help you heal when you see that he still doesn’t want to be with you.