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Thread: infatuated with straight guy

  1. #11
    Silver Member
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    May 2019
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    Originally Posted by serargus
    Thank you all for your advice. My brain knows you're all in the right ballpark and I should stop contacting him. I will try my best. It is unfortunate how sometimes I sometimes do things that I know full well are not in my best interest, but I can't seem to help it. I guess we all do this from time to time.

    If he ever reaches back and ask if something is up, do people recommend I tell him the reason, lie and say I've been busy, or simply ignore him?
    Chances are he will not reach out. Move on... It's hard, but you can do it.

  2. #12

    Join Date
    Jul 2019
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    3

    Update

    Hello all,

    So I followed your advice and I've been trying to match my friend's interest. If he asks me to do something, I agree. Then sometimes I also ask him to do things, and if he says no, I don't ask him to do anything else until he asks me to do something first.

    I learned a lot of my infatuation was coming from insecurity. He's not initiating contact made me wonder if he wanted me as a friend. Now I understand that he does see me as a friend but he's bad at reaching out sometimes and will still not do something if that makes him feel uncomfortable. However, he's shown me he does appreciate my company and me as a person. So now I feel better.

    I won't lie and say that I have no feelings for him anymore. I still do. But my situation is a lot more manageable.

    I know it's very easy to fall into a infatuation mode again, so I'll try to keep my distance as I've been doing.

    Anyway, I figure I'd share. Thank you again for everyone's advice. It was really helpful.

  3. #13
    Gold Member Nebraskagirl14's Avatar
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    Feb 2012
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    Lincoln, Nebraska
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    609

    infatuated with straight guy

    Originally Posted by serargus
    Hello all,

    So I followed your advice and I've been trying to match my friend's interest. If he asks me to do something, I agree. Then sometimes I also ask him to do things, and if he says no, I don't ask him to do anything else until he asks me to do something first.

    I learned a lot of my infatuation was coming from insecurity. He's not initiating contact made me wonder if he wanted me as a friend. Now I understand that he does see me as a friend but he's bad at reaching out sometimes and will still not do something if that makes him feel uncomfortable. However, he's shown me he does appreciate my company and me as a person. So now I feel better.

    I won't lie and say that I have no feelings for him anymore. I still do. But my situation is a lot more manageable.

    I know it's very easy to fall into a infatuation mode again, so I'll try to keep my distance as I've been doing.

    Anyway, I figure I'd share. Thank you again for everyone's advice. It was really helpful.
    I think that is wise. Catfeeder’s response was beautifully put as usual. As someone that has been in this situation (eh hem, more than once), I can tell you that continuing to hang out with someone you have feelings for is a repeated poke in the eye and at times it can feel as deep as a red hot poker to the soul if you want to go into the hyperbole that I have felt at times. If someone is straight and you absolutely know this, there is no point whatsoever to hoping. Other people are perhaps bi or bicurious but, for instance, if a woman was totally into you and kept hanging out with you hoping you would “turn straight,” we both know (if you are like me), that she would be barking up the wrong tree. I am fully gay. It sounds like you are too. If your guy is straight, then have the boundaries that you need to have in order to not be constantly hurt. I have been in an almost identical situation and as someone that is 46 years old and been around the block many times, I can promise you, it’s not fun or pretty to love someone and hope that they love you back only for them to not ever do that. I was a young boundryless lesbian - not proud of it.

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