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Life in the Driver’s Seat (extended)


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Even small changes to my life produces anxiety. My two little princesses it is their last day tomorrow before they post out. 4 of my littles are headed to school this Fall. One will be leaving completely because she will be going to the before school program at her school. My little sweet French girl. One of my little boys will only be here half day because he goes to preschool in the afternoon. I get two new kids on Monday. They are the best friends of my two princesses leaving. On the 24th I have an interview with another mom for her two-year-old little boy. So my daycare which was predominantly girls will now be predominantly boys.

 

Even changing my pharmacy for the better has set off anxiety.

 

Survival during a pandemic is bullshyte. I went to bed at 7:30 last night because I just couldn’t handle anymore .

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So I FINALLY sat down for the first time today since 6:30 this morning. I think I am ready to cry. I just crawled into bed and it is 11:50 PM. My last daycare family was super late picking up. I had to run to the grocery store and get groceries for the birthday party tomorrow. Then I had to run and get my nails done. Run into Walmart to get the gifts for tomorrow and then got to eat my supper at 9 PM. Then I clean the playroom and bleached all the toys. Then I wrote out two invoices for tomorrow and income tax return receipts for the people who are moving tomorrow. And I have had a migraine half the day. And then in six hours I get up and do it all again. 😭😭😭

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So my mom called me yesterday to say my former foster sister told her that her dad is dying of COVID in the US. That will make her an orphan at 22. 😓 Her mom died 12 years ago I believe.

 

My old stupid pharmacy now filled my prescriptions and all my prescriptions are BACK on their app after being taken off because I transferred to a new one. I guess I have to go in there and be a grade A jerk because 17 calls from my new pharmacy hasn’t worked. 🤯🤯🤯🤯

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Is the daycare going OK? Anything else specific that could be triggering?

 

Yes, daycare is going really well. In fact my previous employer recommended me to someone else. There are more people asking me for spots than I could ever look after. I think with all the cleaning I’m just a little overworked. My TN is flaring a bit. But I just have to remember one day at a time I can only live in the present day and only can do as much as humanly possible. My best is all I can do and it has been good enough.

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