Planning to end it all on my next birthday, can't keep doing this anymore.

[Lonesnake]

Hello, I haven't been here in a very long time. Last time I was here I was 20, now I am 29. I was suicidal back then and I still am. Actually I survived numerous attemps over the years. But I can't take this anymore, nothing worked out. I feel so lonely, I still don't have a girlfriend. I don't have friends I can rely on, most just don't care. They are too busy with their own lives to give me support, I feel lucky if I get a message once a year and I can't get even that. I still haven't graduated from my university and I still don't have a job. I feel like such a failure. So I decided to end it all on my next birthday. When I am 30, if things are still the same, I will simply end it all. The only way I can keep going is if things are better by then. But let's be honest, no matter how hard I try things will still be the same. No matter what I do I always keep getting the same results and I am sick of it. I feel so terribly lonely and I am sick of it. I don't even know why I came back here, but here I am. I am so unhappy and I hate my life. It shouldn't have been like this. I wanted to be happy...

[MissCanuck]

I'm sorry to hear you're struggling so much, Lonesnake.

Please keep writing here. There are always people around to communicate with. It seems everything has reached a point where you are totally overwhelmed and lost.

Let's start with university. Are you currently still taking classes?

[Lonesnake]

Hello, thanks for responding. Yes I am. I recently finished my second year with good grades.

[MissCanuck]

Hello, thanks for responding. Yes I am. I recently finished my second year with good grades.

Well done! What are you studying?

It sounds like this aspect of your life is going okay, even if it's happening later than you'd anticipated. I can remember being an undergrad and having more than a handful of older students (I mean in the 40+ age-range) in my classes. It's nothing to be ashamed of; in fact, you should take some pride in the fact that you're in school at all. Many never get there, or talk themselves out of attending altogether.

[Lonesnake]

Thanks for your kind words. I suppose you may be right. I am studying English language and literature now. Graduated from computer programming before this.

[MissCanuck]

I really think you're on the right track here.

What sort of job would you like when you graduate?

[Lonesnake]

I wish to become an academician.

[loyal]

I studied English Literature too! It can be tough, but is totally worth it!

[MissCanuck]

It's a great goal, OP.

You say you don't have friends you can rely on. Are there ways you can focus on fostering new friendships? Clubs or teams you might join, either at school or in your community?

[melancholy123]

Have you had therapy for your suicidal thoughts?