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Thread: Depressed

  1. #1
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    Depressed

    Iím extremely depressed and have been dealing with depressed for years maybe over ten years. Iím 25, I have 3 children and Iím in a relationship with my two youngest kidís dad. I have an ok job, beautiful kids that I think are amazing , but i hate my life. I donít like my job but took it because of the pay, I absolutely dread it because I never wanted to work call center job and there isnít room for advancement unless youíre friends with someone and thatís not me. Itís hard for me to care about anything or anyone at my job. I was going to school but I had a rough semester from working my job and getting overwhelmed and Iím no longer eligible for financial aid and I donít make enough to pay for my classes. My bf doesnít make much money and works for my dad so I feel pressure to keep my job when I just wanna quit and go back to school. I think my bf really isnít in love with me and honestly I feel we got stuck together because of the kids. Iím embarrassed to talk to him when I get depressed because I think it will make him mad. He looks at is as complaining or I think he would. So Iím lonely. I donít have many friends...I wasted my teens doing drugs and hanging around the wrong crowd and now that Iím an adult everyone I was close to is either dead, in jail or rehab, or just on something. Two years ago 3 people I really loved and cared about committed suicide. One in particular I grew up with and I talked to a week before she shot herself. It was my birthday we talked about hanging out soon and I knew she seemed off but at the time I never thought my friend was so hurt and lonely. I feel a lot of guilt and I get angry even now. Iíve attempted suicide before but I choose to not be a coward to be there for my kids. I just donít know what to do. Iím just a girl that had kids in high school and wasted time being wack and doing drugs with parents that didnít care but as an adult I donít feel any different Iím everything I never wanted but I donít know how else to be. It really sucks and since Iím surrounded by people I canít talk to here I am in a forum looking for someone to understand. Like I said I donít have friends, canít talk to my partner, and my parents arenít emotionally available people.

  2. #2
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    It is time to go to your primary care dr and get the ball rolling for some treatment. You and your kids deserve it.

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    Sounds like you need professional help.

    You need to learn to find something good to concentrate on. Misery loves company, and right now you are having one heck of a misery party.

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    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Depression is treatable. What forms of treatment have you sought for your depression?

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    I agree with seeing a therapist but... in the meantime...

    I think your expectations are too high? You are being too hard on yourself.

    Yeah, ok - your job sucks. Got it. But you are 25 with 3 kids. No kidding you havenít had time to work on your career! Thatís not a function of you being a failure... no one would have been able to do that! Itís like that board game ďThe game of LifeĒ. You either take the career path or the family path. You took the family path. Now you can work on your career. You are exactly where you should be at your age and with your chosen path (and itís not a bad path, btw - more difficult, sure, but you get to have your kids while you are young).

    You donít have many friends - fine. But it sounds like you turned things around and are making solid decisions? To see these old friends as not viable because they are using or in rehab...well... that shows growth on your part. So yay. Now all you need to do is get yourself out there. Watch how your kids do it! Kids are notoriously good at making new friends. They do so by doing things (playing or whatever), being unafraid to talk to people, by sharing and giving and laughing. Get involved in your kidsí activities or school! There are probably lots of moms who would love to be friends.

    I do think therapy is a good idea - because where you see failure and unhappiness - I see opportunities for you to truly build the life you want. And you are still young! Itís a powerful place to be in... but you need to be able to see past the funk and take baby steps towards your goals. A therapist may be able to help you see that too.

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by catfeeder
    Depression is treatable. What forms of treatment have you sought for your depression?
    Iíve been on anti-depressants before and it helped some but Iíd developed other problems like insomnia or mood swings and Iíd just get prescribed more pills. When I got up to 5 pills a day I told them no more and slowly stopped taking the pills.

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by RedDress
    I agree with seeing a therapist but... in the meantime...

    I think your expectations are too high? You are being too hard on yourself.

    Yeah, ok - your job sucks. Got it. But you are 25 with 3 kids. No kidding you havenít had time to work on your career! Thatís not a function of you being a failure... no one would have been able to do that! Itís like that board game ďThe game of LifeĒ. You either take the career path or the family path. You took the family path. Now you can work on your career. You are exactly where you should be at your age and with your chosen path (and itís not a bad path, btw - more difficult, sure, but you get to have your kids while you are young).

    You donít have many friends - fine. But it sounds like you turned things around and are making solid decisions? To see these old friends as not viable because they are using or in rehab...well... that shows growth on your part. So yay. Now all you need to do is get yourself out there. Watch how your kids do it! Kids are notoriously good at making new friends. They do so by doing things (playing or whatever), being unafraid to talk to people, by sharing and giving and laughing. Get involved in your kidsí activities or school! There are probably lots of moms who would love to be friends.

    I do think therapy is a good idea - because where you see failure and unhappiness - I see opportunities for you to truly build the life you want. And you are still young! Itís a powerful place to be in... but you need to be able to see past the funk and take baby steps towards your goals. A therapist may be able to help you see that too.
    I appreciate your thoughtful response. I was in a total funk this morning. I had to take up full time work recently but before I was in school full time and worked at the college part time. Somehow, I was still able to be troop leader for scouts, president of honor society and different organizations, and volunteer all the time. Ironically, I am very outgoing and caring person and although I donít have many people I feel I can confide in there are many people that trust me and may look to me for advice. I was a peer mentor and tutor and I enjoyed my job because I could inspire my students that didnít believe in themselves to set goals and reach them. I was very passionate of that because I dropped out and lived on my own at a very young age and it was hard. Lots of people didnít believe in me but I have things Iíve worked to achieve that I can say Iím proud of. Sadly, I do get weak emotionally at times. Itís like all the things and people from my past that have made me who I am haunt me and I feel like Iím behind even at a young age.

    Slightly embarrassed by my thread, but itís an eye opener. Iím working on finding a therapist and Iím keeping my mind busy catching up on some reading.

    Again, thank you for your comments I really do appreciate it.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by loyal
    Sounds like you need professional help.

    You need to learn to find something good to concentrate on. Misery loves company, and right now you are having one heck of a misery party.
    Very true and I appreciate your comment..I was being very miserable, very cringe.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    It is time to go to your primary care dr and get the ball rolling for some treatment. You and your kids deserve it.
    Yeah I am working on it. Iím embarrassed and relieved. I was in tears writing this poorly written post. Iím obviously not completely in control and canít just let things go. Thank you for commenting.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Focus on yourself, your kids, your health and getting to a doctor for a complete check up and referral to a therapist. Why don't you get along with your bf?
    Originally Posted by Buzzy127128
    Iím in a relationship with my two youngest kidís dad. I think my bf really isnít in love with me. Iím lonely.

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