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Thread: Falling for the wrong guy?

  1. #1

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    Falling for the wrong guy?

    I have feelings for my coworker, but heís going through a messy breakup- the (ex) girlfriend also works at the same place. Last week he asked me over to talk and we drank and talked and we have a real connection. Weíve both experienced similar things in our lives and have the same interests, and we really click. He expressed an interest in me and then we spent the night together, though nothing sexual happened. Since then he seems to be pretending like it hasnít happened and is trying to get back with his ex? Do I leave the situation or do I pursue it? Why do I always fall for men who donít treat me right?

  2. #2
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    Originally Posted by Chick98
    I have feelings for my coworker, but heís going through a messy breakup- the (ex) girlfriend also works at the same place.
    Ok - this is just asking for drama.

    Itís usually a pretty bad idea to date someone you work with. If things go south - or if you even have a fight, itís really hard not to bring it into your work environment. Really hard. And now your livelihood is tied into it. Itís such a bad idea that we even have expressions in our language to warn about it - ďdonít dip your pen in the company inkĒ, ďdonít poop where you eatĒ, etc.

    ... but his ex-girlfriend works there too? And they are ďgoing through a break-upĒ? (Which means itís fresh and/or not quite over)...

    This will not end well.

    He may or may not have been sincere at the time - but most people fresh out of a breakup are confused and not able to commit to someone else.

    This is a BIG ďleave the situationĒ. Run, donít walk. There is nothing but drama down that path. You are better to find a guy that you donít work with - and one who has been single a while.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    If you play with this fire, you'll get hurt. keep your distance. Never go to his place and drink. This has catastrophe written all over it. He's using you to get her jealous and get her back. He has no interest in you except wasting your time with his whining and getting in your pants.

    You are jumping into these fires because you are bored and lonely. If you had a bf and a happy life, would you even bother with this? Get on some dating apps and date single available men who you don't work with.
    Originally Posted by Chick98
    I have feelings for my coworker
    heís going through a messy breakup
    the (ex) girlfriend also works at the same place.
    Last week he asked me over to talk and we drank and talked and we have a real connection.

  4. #4
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    Originally Posted by Chick98
    Since then he seems to be pretending like it hasnít happened and is trying to get back with his ex? Do I leave the situation or do I pursue it? Why do I always fall for men who donít treat me right?
    What is there to pursue if he's keeping his distance and trying to get his ex back?

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  6. #5
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    Based on personal experience, stay away from coworkers, pursuing him will only make you feel lonely. Keep it professional and be take care of yourself, go out with your friends, if you keep yourself busy, you won't have much time to think about him.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Why do I always fall for men who donít treat me right?

    Could be that you have low self esteem, so subconsciously you attract and choose men who aren't worthy of you. The fix to this is to read articles and books on how to improve your self esteem so that you will only accept men who will treat you as the special person you are.

    Another reason is that you don't spot red flags and don't learn from past mistakes. Make a must-have list and a dealbreaker list and stick to it. Read articles on which men to avoid dating. Even if a relationship is unhappy, depending on how long the couple was together, it usually takes a minimum of 4 months to start getting over a relationship, and a lot longer if the couple was together for years. The fact that you wanted to date someone fresh out of an emotional breakup shows your lack of knowledge in that area. This is yet another life experience to tuck under your belt so that you don't repeat that particular mistake again. Take care.

  8. #7
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    People in or near breakup time often go through a rebound period where they are not ready to fall in love with a new person yet. Their behavior is often flaky, as you have experienced.

    It's best to date someone who is over their breakup for at least a year. But sometimes it can take several years.

    The key is, people who fall for you/are falling are consistent in their behavior, and not confusing.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by Chick98
    Why do I always fall for men who donít treat me right?
    You are not falling for these men. You are simply settling for something that is there. If he expressed interest in you AFTER you had been drinking, there is a good chance that he is simply a horny drunk.
    If he is going through a breakup, let him get through that. You don't want to deal with someone who still has fresh relationship remnants in their pocket. He needs to get over her completely before his next relationship, or it will never work. I don't mean this to sound ugly, but you may have been a tool in his healing.
    Give him space; let him heal. If he shows interest AFTER THAT, then go for it. But you have to give it time!

  10. #9
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Why do I always fall for men who donít treat me right?
    Maybe because you have no personal boundaries in place and you sleep with a man that is not yet single? That is crossing what should be your own personal boundary wherein you don't dally with guys that are not free to be dallied with.

    Google "The Importance Of Personal Boundaries" and read so that you protect yourself from d-bags that will sleep with you (even if "nothing happened") when they are still attached to someone else.

  11. #10
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    Nothing to pursue, as he wants his ex. he did it for an ego boost.

    Next time, stay away from guys who are shortly out of a relationship. i would also think it would be horribly messy, considering you work with the gf. Not great decision making on your part.

    Address your attraction for the wrong men.

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