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Thread: Summer plans

  1. #1

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    Summer plans

    Hey!

    Since 11 months I am in a relationship with a beautiful woman that I love. As we couldn't see us much last summer when we started dating, we have talked about this years summer yesterday. As I am quite insecure I am now a bit confused. After she told me she is thinking about making a voluntary in Africa, she asked me what I was up to in the summer. I told her I was going to my home town to see my family and friends and spend some days at the local parties in my village. After that she told me something like "please promise me we will spend more time together this summer than the last one", which left me a bit confused. Is she hoping or expecting that I'll ask her to spend the whole summer with me?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    How did you meet? Is this a long distance relationship? How often do you see each other? Do you attend the same university/school? How often do you see each other in person? Be honest and clear with her about your summer plans an whether you plan to see her or spend time with her. It doesn't matter what she "expects" what matters is being honest with her about your summer plans.
    Originally Posted by Multifab
    Since 11 months I am in a relationship with a beautiful woman that I love. After she told me she is thinking about making a voluntary in Africa, she asked me what I was up to in the summer. I told her I was going to my home town to see my family and friends and spend some days at the local parties in my village. After that she told me something like "please promise me we will spend more time together this summer than the last one"

  3. #3

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    We met at an university course and see us each other 2-3 times per week, as I am working and she has got load of university things to do. As we are living in London we don't have a long long distance relationship, but we don't live very closely to each other neither.

    I personally would love to spend the summer with her, but its confusing for me because first she speaks about this voluntary and then she says that she wants to see me more often in the summer...and I don't know what she wants to tell me with that...

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Ask her specifically if there are any specific weeks that she will be free and you can see about getting together according to your finances. I don't know if you have to book a hotel or pay for transportation, etc. Don't go broke trying to please her if she's being unreasonable. She will have to meet you halfway in that department if she's asking for more time together. She's phrasing her request negatively instead of just working with you to come up with a plan the both of you will be happy with. Doesn't sound like you two have come to an easy comfort level after almost a year together. What do your friends think of her? Why do you feel so insecure about your relationship after spending so much time with her over a period of 11 months?

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  6. #5

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    I feel so insecure because it's been my first real relationship and my confidence is very low, especially as I have been hurt in the past and the last two years were difficult for me. And I don't know how to treat with these insecurities, I haven't told her because I think that when I open myself with my dark parts then she will lose attraction to me...

    It is confusing for me because when she said that with the voluntary I thought she didn't want to spend the summer with me, and so I told her I'll be going home to my country...and when she asked me to spend more time with her in the summer I didn't know if she really meant that or not...

    Generally I do feel comfortable around her, I feel appreciated by her words and actions but whenever there are some plans in the future I am going into alarm mode...

    My friends do not know her as I am an exchange student and spend far we couldn't make it to my home.

  7. #6
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    I don't think she needs to spend the entire summer with you, but it sounds like she would like to spend some quality time with you. This is a good thing! Maybe you could take a small trip together? A weekend in the country? I think she simply wants to spend time with you without worrying about anything else.

  8. #7

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    Okay! And how I should deal with my insecurities? I remember I had hurt her and she was disappointed, but I was so afraid of rejection that I didn't really want to talk with her about this topic, I didnt try to be there for her. Is there any good advice on how to deal with that? Should I talk with her about this?

  9. #8
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    I think some time together--quality time--will help with your insecurities. If you can get away for a weekend, turn off your phones, and simply enjoy each other, I think you will find that you will get your answers without even having to ask questions.

    If you still feel insecure about how she feels toward you, simply ask her. Tell her that this is your first real relationship and that you feel vulnerable. Let her know that you enjoy being with her and that you want to feel secure in the relationship. Are you planning to visit her in Africa?

  10. #9

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    We briefly talked about it but she mentioned it'd be difficult because she would be living in a small village and she doesn't know how we could manage it. And she isn't really sure if she will do this after all, and maybe she is hoping to spend the whole summer with me I guess...

  11. #10
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    Well, that might be a good sign!

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