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Thread: Summer plans

  1. #11
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Ask her which weeks she's free to spend together and see how many of those weeks coordinate around your plans to visit your hometown.

    Plans don't make themselves, they require your participation. So step up and learn when your calendars can synch.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    You need to read some articles and books about letting go of emotional baggage, because if you don't, you won't be a good partner to anyone. You could also use advice from books on bolstering your self esteem and confidence, because that is the biggest attractor for any love interest. Make sure you have a fulfilling life with friends, career, and hobbies. In that way, if a breakup happens, you'll be upset but you won't experience total devastation. Know the only control you have is to be the best boyfriend possible, and if the relationship doesn't work out, have the mindset that it wasn't meant to be and you will survive.

    Communicate with your gf and make a plan, but I wouldn't spend the entire summer, just you and her alone together, or it will be too much togetherness and possibly an unhealthy balance. Also prioritize others in your life, like family and friends. Give yourselves a little time to miss each other. Perhaps a mini vacation will be just the thing you two need to make a wonderful memory and keep things spicy.

  3. #13
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    I know i have to work in myself, but I also have an excellent social circle in the city without her. I am working as well so I am well embedded socially so to speak. It's just with her that I seem to very passive, i don't really like to talk about relationship problems or obstacles as i fear it'll be the end, I rather try to avoid them. And I know it's not a good approach to have, but I directly sense danger when something changes. For instance, as she mentioned that with the voluntary I was convinced that she wouldn't like to spend the summer with me and didnt mention at all this possibility...and I become more passive yet again...its very difficult to escape this vicious circle...

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    When you're hiding behind a barrier and not addressing issues, so afraid of losing her, that's a problem in itself as she will see you as a one-dimensional person, holding a mask in front of his face. I suggest reading books like Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus to learn how to positively communicate with a partner. If you had a positive self esteem, you would've seen her seeking a volunteer opportunity as something that will benefit her in the future, that it had nothing to do with not wanting to spend time with you, and that she felt secure that you would still be around as her supportive boyfriend. So work on your self esteem some more, because your mindset right now is self defeating.

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  6. #15
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    I will definitely have a look in that book, thank you. I will go into therapy as well because a tragic event has occurred in my life and I went through a hard time in the last couple of weeks. For me it's so difficult because while life is short and you have to enjoy it there seems to be a barrier inside me, which is blockading me and hopefully in therapy I will figure out what it is. I wish I could trust my feelings more and be proactive, but as I am more a "head person" i seem to think about every possible consequence.

    And especially as I am a man I get the impression that you must be strong all the time. This is something which I do not identify with, yet I can't open up with my weaknesses. And this sucks, so to speak...

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Instead of feeling insecure about this, why don't you get clear answers. Ask her what she means? Why does she say she wants to spend a good amount of the summer with you while also desiring to do voluntary work in another country? Ask her to reconcile the two so she'll make more sense to you. No guessing games otherwise you'll be fraught with unnecessary insecurity again.

    Also, you'll feel secure by realizing that some relationships aren't about frequent togetherness. People have a life outside their relationships, too. At any rate, have a discussion with her so your fears and insecurity can be put to rest.

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