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Thread: My Ex Bf said he lost feelings for him - is there any chance of him coming back?

  1. #1
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    My Ex Bf said he lost feelings for him - is there any chance of him coming back?

    Hey guys so basically my ex bf broke up with me about a month ago. He said that he wasnít feeling it anymore which in other words means that he lost feelings for me.
    We only dated for 4 months but it was intense . I met his whole family and even his mum said he really liked me but doesnít know what he is doing. I was his first relationship and he was my first relationship.
    He broke up with me during exams and we were both really stressed since we both study engineering and had so many deadlines that month.
    I definitely did a few things wrong as I talked about him too much to a lot of people and was overthinking everything and I know that he could sense that so in a way I kind of self sabotaged the relationship. It was my first one and I didnít know what I was doing and Iím generally an anxious person but I understand now I should have been more relaxed.
    I know that I should be moving on and Iím trying my best to and I have been in no contact for about a month but I just want to know if there is any chance that he might come back and realize that he does truly like me? This breakup has made me realize my feelings for him even though I had doubts before.
    Iím just worried because we were only together for a few months but he said he already lost feelings so I donít know how bad that is. I know breakups usually arise from a loss of attraction though.
    Iím giving him space and I donít plan on contacting him unless he contacts me. It would be easier to move if this didnít happen during such a stressful time.
    He did say to my friend that he was feeling depressed at times and would only leave him room to go to work during this month. I also know that he is listening to sad songs about breakups and he never listens to music like that.
    I know I should just move on but do you think there is any hope?
    I have never been through a breakup up before and I just donít know what to think.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Nobody can answer your question for you, it's impossible. I gather you are quite young, so you have to learn that these things happen and it's all part of growing and maturing. It's not fun nor pleasant but it's life. Take what you've learned from this and you'll hopefully be less anxious in your next relationship.

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    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Can you pinpoint what made you anxious in the relationship? It's important you go through that and think back on what triggered those anxious moments even if it makes you very uncomfortable. Go back and think back on them. You cannot move forward with him or any person without first understanding what triggered the anxious thoughts. The plus side is that you do have a support network of friends and family. This is more than a lot of people have! Be thankful for that. If you're finding it especially difficult being discreet and you feel your chest gets tight and you panic, you can keep a journal or practice techniques to help you get through the first 24 hours (of that anxiety). Do some reading on it and don't be afraid to learn more about yourself.

    You should also keep in mind that there are people who are good people but these people are still not good for us. It's called being incompatible and neither person is to blame. If you were incompatible with this person, it's better to accept it and learn from it. Our rational mind may tell us that this person is a good choice but if you haven't learned enough about yourself or what you need in a relationship, you aren't going to know who's compatible with you. Try and spend more time uncovering what matters to you in relationships and get to know yourself more. Read more on anxious thoughts and how to understand them and avoid cycles of anxious thoughts. Try to put things in perspective and don't be afraid to tell yourself that it's ok to come back to a situation or a topic at a later time when you're feeling better.
    Last edited by Rose Mosse; 06-30-2019 at 02:38 AM.

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    It's unlikely to come back together if he's already lost feelings after 4 months.

    There just isn't a solid enough foundation to fall back on when things get bumpy; relationships that end in the so-called honeymoon phase are usually not destined to find their footing again, in my experience.

    I am curious what you were saying about him to other people, though. Can you elaborate more on this? "I definitely did a few things wrong as I talked about him too much to a lot of people and was overthinking everything"

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Unfortunately, it sounds like he met someone else. He may come back for a fwb situation if whoever he met doesn't pan out.

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    The thing I know he didnít leave me for someone else. I know that happens a lot but Iím literally 99.9% sure thatís not what happened.

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    Originally Posted by Horses634
    The thing I know he didnít leave me for someone else. I know that happens a lot but Iím literally 99.9% sure thatís not what happened.
    Everyone says that until they see the pics on social media.

    It's a lesson learned. Keep your private relationship business private unless you are being abused and need help getting out.

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    Basically I made the mistake of literally asking everyone for advice and telling lotís of people the details of our relationship when instead I should have be communicating to him about any concerns I had. When he found that out he got really upset and even cried and thatís when everything went downhill and he started to pull away more. He even said to me thatís when he started to have doubts.

    I know he said isnít feeling it anymore but to be honest I understand why he would be feeling like that becuase of the mistakes I made. I know that his feelings for me were real and strong and Iím just hoping that by giving him the necessary space he might realize that one day he does want to be with me.

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    Thank you for this advice, it means a lot. I never thought that compatibility was an issue becuase we both have similar goals and we are both outgoing and hardworking. I always enjoyed spending my time with him and it just felt right to be there with him and he also said that it felt right to be with me.
    I think I started to get anxious after he asked me to be his girlfriend. I felt a lot of pressure as I have never been in a relationship before and I was constantly scared of making mistakes that would ultimately make him leave me. Ironically becuase of how anxious I was I think thatís what ultimately made him leave me. I know for next time that I need to relax a lot more and not overthink things.

  11. #10
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    The problem is that you created a negative impression of yourself by airing your relationship's dirty laundry, and because it was happening so early, that's inevitably going to be built into his overall frame of reference about you. If you two had been together for a while, and then this issue of over-sharing came up, he might at least be able to look back on less troubled times and feel more assured that things could return to a healthy place.

    You will now know for next time not to be so indiscreet with a relationship and to respect your partner's privacy more.

    But I do wonder - what sort of things were you concerned about while you were dating him? Who were you talking to about it?

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