Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 3 of 7 FirstFirst 123456 ... LastLast
Results 21 to 30 of 69

Thread: Is it ok for a man in his mid 40ís-early 50ís to party?

  1. #21
    Bronze Member Gymgirl71's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    240
    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Why did you even date him? How long did you date? On top of that, he was unreliable and flaked on you all the time.
    it took a while for it to surface..he would do good for a while, focus on his health but it was a coverup

  2. #22
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    20,203
    "How can I stop allowing myself to be treated like an option?
    Scenario goes like this: I was always too available, I literally never said no..maybe once. He would make plans a few days before but then if he wanted to hang out another day I would say yes, and half the time he would cancel 😏 then he went from texting and calling all the time, to me doing most of the texting..he would call on his own and only then would he call. The ultimate blow was him saying ďmaybeĒ we would hang out a certain day and saying he will let me know the day before. That tells me he doesnít value me. He isnít a business owner or have a lot going on."

    You need to take the focus off of him, and put it entirely on you. Address why you stayed in and allowed any of this.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    20,203
    Originally Posted by Gymgirl71
    it took a while for it to surface..he would do good for a while, focus on his health but it was a coverup
    What about all the times he would flake on you and hang with his friends?

    Are you still in contact?

  4. #24
    Bronze Member Gymgirl71's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    240
    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    What about all the times he would flake on you and hang with his friends?
    we hung out twice a week, that which he never flakes on..it was if I wanted to see him more than that..which I rationalized.

  5.  

  6. #25
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    11,237
    So why are you still talking to him?

  7. #26
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    20,203
    Originally Posted by Gymgirl71
    we hung out twice a week, that which he never flakes on..it was if I wanted to see him more than that..which I rationalized.
    How do you rationalize someone blowing you off for their friends, multiple times? You said in your thread that you enabled the behavior.

  8. #27
    Gold Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    564
    It's not just you. He's an alcoholic.

    My next door neighbors are "high functioning alcoholics." They're middle aged, hold down day jobs, look "normal" yet love to drink after work and weekends. If drinks are on the house or they attend a wedding, you are their new best friend!

    My neighbors deliberately dispose their bags of glass wine and beer bottles under the cover of darkness at 4:30AM 365 days a year. They're closet drinkers. They don't want anyone to witness what they're doing because there is a stigma towards heavy drinkers. There are random times when I'm awake extremely early, had to leave for work early, started my workouts early and I can hear their large broken glass noises every morning right outside my bedroom window plus the loud thud of the trash bin slammed shut which is annoying.

    Nothing surprises me anymore.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    20,203
    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    It's not just you. He's an alcoholic.

    My next door neighbors are "high functioning alcoholics." They're middle aged, hold down day jobs, look "normal" yet love to drink after work and weekends. If drinks are on the house or they attend a wedding, you are their new best friend!

    My neighbors deliberately dispose their bags of glass wine and beer bottles under the cover of darkness at 4:30AM 365 days a year. They're closet drinkers. They don't want anyone to witness what they're doing because there is a stigma towards heavy drinkers. There are random times when I'm awake extremely early, had to leave for work early, started my workouts early and I can hear their large broken glass noises every morning right outside my bedroom window plus the loud thud of the trash bin slammed shut which is annoying.

    Nothing surprises me anymore.
    They drink until 4 in the morning?

  10. #29
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Posts
    4,186
    Originally Posted by Gymgirl71
    I am not in a relationship, but with my ex he would make me promises and I would say half of the time at least, he would let me down. I enabled his behavior by forgiving his broken promises, and/or not following through on things so basically I taught him he could flake out, break his word, disrespect me etc and I would keep forgiving him. Call him the next day or text him and of course he would respond but his behavior remained the same. I was teaching him he could act how he wants and there would be no consequences. So, going forward how do you handle this behavior in a relationship? I know obviously you express the behavior isnít ok but besides that?

    Originally Posted by Gymgirl71
    Originally Posted by SGH
    It sounds like this behavior has been going on for awhile, so not allowing him to "get away" with treating you poorly would be ending the relationship. Sorry to say that there is nothing you can do to change his behavior within the relationship is asking nicely didn't work.
    this is my EX I had enough of it trust me




    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    Originally Posted by Batya33
    Well no - in a healthy relationship if someone cares they want you to be happy. I'm not afraid of losing my husband -it's not a motivator - I act in a giving, caring way because I love him and care about him and also made a commitment to him many years ago to be there for him. If someone is motivated to act in a caring way for fear of "losing" the person that sounds like a pretty negative mindset.
    Agree, so much so it almost comes of as dare I say youíre still with him...

    Iím not against doing a relationship autopsy, but doing so smack dab in the middle of the anger stage seems like an effort in futility... your emotions arenít objective during recovery.

    I donít think the say you teach people how to treat you means you literally teach them how to do right, your interactions and boundaries whether strong or weak show the other person what you accept, once the precedent is set, Iíd say without some time apart it would be impossible to undo...

    Learning to value yourself enough to walk away when someone isnít meeting your needs canít really be taught, it comes from within once you work on your self esteem and learn your self worth also not an easy endeavor but a worthwhile one...
    Not to toot our own horn but.... anyway...

    Stop.

    Breathe.

    Distract yourself.

    Go for a walk, clear your head.

    When youre calm, acknowledge your addiction to this person.

    Recognize it has less to do with him than you.

    Hes an alcoholic he is going to be who he is until the cows come home, YOU are making a conscious choice to try to 'save' him. Wasting your life when you could find a partner who is healthy and whole, many times people with low self esteem go after low hanging frut or projects because they dont believe they deserve or can get better...

    So

    Stop.

    End this.

    Work on you.

  11. #30
    Gold Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    564
    @Hollyj, They drink after work, on weekends and dispose their bags of alcoholic glass beverage bottles under the cover of darkness during the wee hours of the morning while it's still night. They don't want anyone to know they drink. Some drinkers are embarrassed and ashamed by it. A lot of people drink and it doesn't matter what their age. Their sons drink and smoke like chimneys. Whatever they do is fine with me as long as they don't drive drunk and infringe upon my right to road safety.

Page 3 of 7 FirstFirst 123456 ... LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •