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Thread: To reach out to an ex or not?

  1. #21
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    You should seek therapy. Your attachment is unhealthy. You dated this guy two whole months, and cannot see yourself with anyone else? You barely know this man.

    Bottom line, he does not love you or want to date you. Block him.

  2. #22

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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    You should seek therapy. Your attachment is unhealthy. You dated this guy two whole months, and cannot see yourself with anyone else? You barely know this man.

    Bottom line, he does not love you or want to date you. Block him.
    It was about 4 months. I see your point and I don't know why I am still so hung-up on him but I still don't feel any different than the first week we broke up. I sometimes feel worse actually. I just don't know what to do anymore. I got a new job, found a new hobby, really made myself do even more in the hobby we share, and I've done a lot of personal development stuff. But I still miss him. I think breaking up and getting back together made things worse for me but honestly I don't get it. It is obvious that he does/did really like me so it's probably more his issues than anything. However, that makes it even harder for me to move on.
    I may start therapy but I am really hesitant of it actually helping. Also I can see myself talking more about him than myself so it probably won't do me any good.

    edit: also for context. My first relationship was also short and I got broken up with which sucked but it took me maybe a couple months to move on. My second was also short but also emotionally abusive. That one took longer to get over mostly because I got really depressed but I did start seeing someone new shortly afterwards who I dated for 2 years. In the 2 year one I was the dumper so I was over him before we even broke up. This time, I actually have tried going on dates and stuff but I don't find any of them interesting. I feel like something is wrong with me or that I just have to talk to him.

  3. #23
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    You need to block him on everything. The fact that he was upset about you blocking was only about his ego. He only likes the fact that you are still holding on. Do not go places where he is present, and please seek therapy. You are wasting your life on someone who does not want to be with you.

  4. #24
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    "s obvious that he does/did really like me so it's probably more his issues than anything" He does not like you, or he would be with you. You need to accept fact, that he does not want to be with you. No where have his actions indicated that he wants you. Stop this denial. .

  5.  

  6. #25

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    but i don't want to stop my hobby. it's all i have.

  7. #26
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    There is only one place you can do your hobby? What is it? Why don't you have additional interests?

  8. #27

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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    There is only one place you can do your hobby? What is it? Why don't you have additional interests?
    Yes there is only one place. It is a not so well known partnered dance that I do and community is close-knit. The alternative I have is to move to a different city and join their community. I have actually really considered moving but that seems extreme. I do have other interests but I enjoy this hobby. If I stop going, I will have nowhere to practice. I will also lose my friends there and have less of a social life.

    edit: part of the reason I want to talk to him is to sort this out. I have never experienced constantly having to see my ex. Obviously, I am not over him and seeing him there makes me just wish we were still together.
    Last edited by pink334; 07-01-2019 at 01:15 AM.

  9. #28
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    You can check out other dancing options. You can also find other interests. What would you do if this partnered dance group shut down? You would have to find something else.

    This is a good time to meet new friends and expand your social life. There is nothing to sort out, he is not interested in you. What are you not getting! If one of your girlfriend's came to you with the same issue, how would you advise her?

    I hope that you do not humiliate yourself by asking him. You need to show yourself some self respect.

  10. #29

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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    You can check out other dancing options. You can also find other interests. What would you do if this partnered dance group shut down? You would have to find something else.

    This is a good time to meet new friends and expand your social life. There is nothing to sort out, he is not interested in you. What are you not getting! If one of your girlfriend's came to you with the same issue, how would you advise her?

    I hope that you do not humiliate yourself by asking him. You need to show yourself some self respect.
    You do realize you are pretty much telling me to stop doing the something I love that has my biggest support network? So now I cannot have the man I love or the dance I love?

    It took me a while to find this dance that I really enjoy. The other ones don't have the same kind of close community that I am looking for. This community has people around my age who really care about each other. I did a couple dances before but I am not interested in them anymore. Some of the other dances have much older crowds so I don't really want to go there. I do one other dance style which I will continue doing but it also happens to be his biggest passion. He has started doing this style less since his health complication but I know that eventually he will continue it again. Also I like dancing. I enjoy being active and social. I can't just change my identity.

    edit: not to mention all the friends I will lose. I just started really feeling a part of this community. If I stop going I will be completely isolated. I only have one friend from university who I keep in touch with and she and i don't have much in common anymore

  11. #30
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    Originally Posted by pink334
    You do realize you are pretty much telling me to stop doing the something I love that has my biggest support network? So now I cannot have the man I love or the dance I love?

    It took me a while to find this dance that I really enjoy. The other ones don't have the same kind of close community that I am looking for. This community has people around my age who really care about each other. I did a couple dances before but I am not interested in them anymore. Some of the other dances have much older crowds so I don't really want to go there. I do one other dance style which I will continue doing but it also happens to be his biggest passion. He has started doing this style less since his health complication but I know that eventually he will continue it again. Also I like dancing. I enjoy being active and social. I can't just change my identity.

    edit: not to mention all the friends I will lose. I just started really feeling a part of this community. If I stop going I will be completely isolated. I only have one friend from university who I keep in touch with and she and i don't have much in common anymore
    The man that you love does not love you or want to be with you. You can give up the dancing. You can find other activities, as you are obsessed with this guy and should not be around him.

    I think that that is a problem, if your only friends are in this group. You need to address that and expand your social circle.

    If these are such great friends, then why can't you meet them outside of the dancing when he is not there?

    Also, what will you do if he brings a new gf?

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