Confusion

In May, a friend and I who have hooked up once before were out for drinks with friends. We ended up back at a friends house and I was pretty sober. Him on the other hand not so much. He started bringing up joining me the following night when he heard I was going out. He also invited himself as a plus one for a wedding I was attending that involved traveling by plane and staying for a few nights. He kept saying “ come on we would have a great time; we just have to keep it on the down low”. ( three years ago I dated a kid in his very big friend group). He kept rubbing his leg off mine and I brushed it off because he was drinking.

Next day (sober) I confronted him about the whole wedding and how he said it after many drinks and going out that night. He replied “ I know what I said about the wedding I would totally go and I want to but I can’t go out tonight after all that drinking last night”. Weeks later he brought up the wedding and said oh it was just drunk blabber.

We usually go out once a week same time same place and he’s stopped going as frequent and hasn’t been himself when he does go. I want to confront him on the change in manner but I’m not sure if maybe he’s just embarrassed or running away from feelings (he’s well aware I have had a crush in the past). Or should I just let it all go?

It sounds to me like he was hoping to hook up that night and has since realized it wouldn't be a good idea. The wedding talk was likely based on the idea of going away and having some fun but he knows it wouldn't be right if he doesn't have stronger feelings for you.

I would just leave it alone. His change in demeanor is evidence enough that he isn't interested in engaging further at this point.

Sounds like he was drunk. Dumb ideas tend to sound pretty good when we're drunk. Inviting yourself as a +1 to a wedding is one of them. Let that one go.

Don't "confront" him on his change in habit, either. Neither of you is beholden to the other. You hooked up once and apparently frequent the same spot. Things change. Whether he was never into you or he's picked up on vibes from you he's not all about is inconsequential.

What do YOU want? Do you want to be more than friends? Or do you only want friendship?

Most people generally don’t like to be “confronted”. I feel like all this “confronting” is about trying to get him to admit to feelings that he may or may not be having and may or may not feel comfortable sharing (or he could simply be confused).

Rather than trying to pin him down on where he stands, you should simply make it clear on where you stand.

Investing in anyone's drunken blather isn't a great idea. I'd unconfused myself by getting clear about whether I'm relationship material, or whether all I want is to dabble with people when they're drunk enough to feign real intimacy. If my goal is just to dabble, I wouldn't try to project real relationship stuff onto that, such as loyalty or any investment in what they 'say'.

If I decide that I'm relationship material, I'd skip dabbling. I'd create an online app profile that states my purpose for dating, and I'd set up quick meets with people who share my desire to screen for dating to find the right person for a relationship.

When YOU know where you stand on relationships, that puts control into YOUR hands to screen out people who don't match what YOU want. Otherwise, your lack of clarity will keep you blowing around like a candle in the wind at the mercy of other people's lousy judgment.

Head high, and choose the right course for your Self.

He sounds like a fwb. He doesn't need you to confront him about his feelings. You're not his therapist, it's not your headache. If he wanted to discuss that he has your contact info. just be friendly when you run into him, he obviously wants to dismiss this thing and put it in the past as "drunken blabber".

Take a better date to the wedding. Just let it go. Don't chase this guy.

In May, a friend and I who have hooked up once before were out for drinks with friends. Weeks later he brought up the wedding and said oh it was just drunk blabber.

 

 

We usually go out once a week same time same place and he’s stopped going as frequent and hasn’t been himself when he does go. I want to confront him on the change in manner but I’m not sure if maybe he’s just embarrassed or running away from feelings (he’s well aware I have had a crush in the past).

He's not asking you out so you should assume that he's not interested. If you do that, you'll not be confused about his intentions and you'll have no need to "confront" him about a thing.

Let it all go. He wanted to hook up one night and it didn't happen.