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Thread: Dressing up for validation

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by LHGirl
    Katrina, would your answer be different if you discovered your BF was still seeing his ex-GF, who he had told you "broke his heart"?
    I would no longer choose to date my bf at all if he were still seeing his ex. I'd just end it. Period, end of.

    I said I agree about the bf, I was simply responding to her original question re validation. :)

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    I would no longer choose to date my bf at all if he were still seeing his ex. I'd just end it.

    I said I agree about the bf, I was simply responding to her original question re validation. :)
    Totally understand! I don't think she'd have this need to dress up and play sexy-sexy for him if she didn't have the surrounding insecurities re: his ex-GF.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by LHGirl
    Totally understand! I don't think she'd have this need to dress up and play sexy-sexy for him if she didn't have the surrounding insecurities re: his ex-GF.
    Agree!

    But twisting herself into a pretzel, wanting to look beautiful or whatever else she's doing in an attempt to "lure" him away from ex is so unhealthy and sorry OP for saying this, makes you look rather silly, weak, needy and desperate for his attention.

    Not too many men are drawn to those things; if you feel that insecure about him spending time with ex, or anything else, choose to walk away instead.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I'm not sure about the other women comment either and combined with LH's observations about this ex-gf I'm not really convinced that this is a healthy situation overall.

    I also had to think about what Wiseman wrote because I had a long term relationship with someone who must have complimented my dress or appearance once a year. I think it usually happened on one day. Chrismas Day. Looking back I'm sort of laughing to myself. I actually did remember wondering what he thought of me in general because he never really commented at all. When all's said and done and now that I've met my husband (Latino and vastly different from my ex), the two are like tennis balls and oranges. One's not even edible. Totally different.

    When we make the effort to look presentable and smell nice and enjoy our each others' company any which way and appreciate one another we access a whole other level of love and bonding. I think the key word is 'appreciate' as in appreciating each other, valuing each other, recognizing efforts and expressing admiration for one another. I also tend to think it's one of the basic cornerstones of foreplay and foreplay, my dear, keeps a lot of things spicy and that appreciation alive.

    Everyone is different. Some women like to access those points and be with loving and expressive partners similar to themselves. I admit I was not used to someone like my husband at the start but it's grown on me and it's allowed me to explore parts of myself and express myself in ways that feel good and make me feel loved.

    You should feel appreciated either way. There shouldn't be any other women in his life except his mum perhaps or any kids if you have kids. Be honest with yourself about whether this relationship is fulfilling to you. Being demonstrative doesn't hurt either. This means telling him he looks good or smells nice and appreciating him. We shouldn't forget to tell our partners those things too.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    I think you should dress to suit yourself not to impress anyone else.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    When we make the effort to look presentable and smell nice and enjoy our each others' company any which way and appreciate one another we access a whole other level of love and bonding. I think the key word is 'appreciate' as in appreciating each other, valuing each other, recognizing efforts and expressing admiration for one another. I also tend to think it's one of the basic cornerstones of foreplay and foreplay, my dear, keeps a lot of things spicy and that appreciation alive.
    Yes! Spot on. Beautiful way of putting it. This is precisely why it's an important part of the relationship. Appreciation/bonding.

    Flirting, feeling sexy/beautiful, knowing you and your partner find each other attractive and express it in different ways.

    All vital to a good and happy relationship.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher

    Flirting, feeling sexy/beautiful, knowing you and your partner find each other attractive and express it in different ways.

    All vital to a good and happy relationship.
    I second this!

  9. #18
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    Security and confidence comes from two places: some of it is intrinsic (within yourself) and some of it is environmental.

    For the intrinsic stuff... may I ask... what else do you bring to the table besides looks? I am not as fortunate, I guess. Iím almost never the prettiest girl in the room 🤷♀️ Lol! But I donít feel the need to be? I know I bring a lot to the table - Iím smart, fairly successful, fun to be around, generous, etc. and I connect with my partners on a deeper level - based on shared interests and hobbies and goals, etc. If Iím with someone itís because weíre truly great friends on top of being lovers - so donít feel the need to ďcompeteĒ. I know I hold an important place in his life. Looks are just... looks. A pretty thing to look at.

    Itís true that everyone wants to be noticed when you put great effort into looking good - and itís natural to feel disappointed if he doesnít notice... but if you are worried and you feel itís important that he thinks you are the ďprettiest girl in the roomĒ then I wonder about your connection? Thatís a pretty flimsy thing to hang your whole relationship on, IMO. What happens if Miss America walks in? Do you automatically lose your bf? I mean... of course you would walk around with anxiety all the time!! Itís an unrealistic goal. There will be times when someone else is prettier.

    As far as the environmental stuff - listen - if this guy is hanging out with his ex, this is not you being insecure - this is him being shady. You feel like you arenít on solid ground because - in fact - you ARENíT on solid ground.

    Feeling insecure sometimes is natural. We all feel that way sometimes. But I think you need to figure out if the source of it is intrinsic (so you need to work on your own self-esteem because it will follow you from relationship to relationship) - or if itís environmental.

    You canít fix any amount of his being shady by you being pretty. Pretty people get left and cheated on too. If heís being shady - thatís about him - not about you being ďnot good enoughĒ.

  10. #19
    Gold Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Stop trying so hard and lower your expectations regarding responses from him.

    I'm a girly girl, very feminine and enjoy getting all dolled up whenever I go out such as dining out or a night on the town with my husband. He doesn't gush over me either. I like getting my hair done, wear natural looking make up, well groomed, wear pretty clothes, wear a little perfume and enjoy looking like a lady. I love my handbags, too! I do it for me though. I don't do it for him. Try changing the way you think.

    Don't try to impress others. Do what I do. I exercise diligently, eat smart, keep my weight down and look nice because my self esteem and confidence are high. Also, focus on your health first because whatever you wear is only icing on the cake. Glowing health is the best and first. Nice make up and pretty clothes will always look awful if you're not internally and physically healthy first and foremost.

    Many men don't pay particular mind to when you look good. However when you look awful such as being very overweight, careless about your good health & regimen, slovenly in appearance, disheveled, wear rags, don't care about looking feminine and pretty, that's when some men find a woman's appearance rather repulsive. Many women don't like men who are sloppy and careless either.

    Stop with the insecurity. Be confident within your own skin. Continue to dress up, take good care of yourself and don't care about compliments. Silence is the sincerest form of flattery. Yes, let it go.

  11. #20
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    Why are you with a guy who is still in contact with an ex? He is not over her. Does not matter what you put on.

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