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Thread: Meeting women.. where and how when you have stuff going on?

  1. #1
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    Meeting women.. where and how when you have stuff going on?

    Hello,

    I was wondering where to meet (single) women? I go out one night in the weekends, other than that I am either working or at home. Ofcourse I see my friends now and then.

    It's not that I don't know where to meet women, because they're obviously everywhere as long as you don't stay inside your home. Which I do a lot by the way.

    See, my dilemma is; if I were to go places specifically to meet women it'll feel forced and ungenuine. Like I'm actually there to literally just approach women. This feels wrong.
    For example just going to the gym or following a cooking class (I'm just naming a few), I could do that but it feels terribly forced. I also feel like I HAVE to make a move as soon as an attractive women.

    I prefer to meet women in a more.. natural and genuine, coincidental way. I don't do well when going out to be honest. It's loud there, requires quick acting, and you have to 'wrap it up' in one night.
    I'm already done with school/college etc. All my male friends are single and I don't have any female friends.

    How can I meet women in a genuine way? Or is it OK to go places just to meet them. If I would it feels like I'm.. I don't know feels wrong and guilty.

    But what am I talking about anyway. If you're not born with decent social skills and are an introvert you're simply doomed to stay single until you die if you're a man.

    Did you know? I'm 33 and I've never had a GF in my life. I've had plenty of oppertunities, but I never knew how to act on them so I messed it all up.
    I know I have to think more positively, but being a perfectionist as well I notice I am also being picky. Nothing wrong with that I guess.
    But as soon as I see an attractive women, like I said, I get really nervous and my natural way of acting becomes messed up and I become really shy and self-conscious.

    This stuff has been going on my whole life and I can't seem to get out of it. I know I've got depression and anxiety issues, but even after 10 years of therapy I have - in my opinion - not changed.

    I went a little 'off-topic' here. I hope you understand me and have some tips. To top it off, I'm a bit short in length, and living in the country with the world's tallest people isn't easy if you want to find a partner.
    I guess you could also say that I'm becoming, if not already desperate, which is also very, very attractive (not).

    Thanks.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    From people in my midst, couples met each other at school, work, church, through mutual friends and family and community involvement.

    I wouldn't recommend meeting at singles bars.

    If you can't meet women the natural way by "chance," the way to meet them is by your deliberate intention even if you feel "forced." They're certainly not going to come to you so you have to go out there and find them.

    Or, whittle down your search through dating sites online within your community. Are you faith based? Or, will you broaden your search? Do you drink or not? If you don't drink, there are dating websites which only cater to teetotalers.

    Try volunteering in your community by doing good works. How about volunteering for charities? Or, fundraisers for good causes? Road races? There are empathetic women there. Do you like pets? Try volunteering at pet rescues.

    Are you into fitness? Sports? Join a group such as a running or walking group in your locale.

    Do you like to read? How about a local book club?

    Do you like music? What genre? There are groups who can relate regarding their music taste.

    Do you have hobbies? Excursions? Tours? Join those groups.

    Your appearance or height doesn't matter. What do you have to offer? Are you a very moral man of high quality character? Do you have a great job? Are you successful? Aside from your character, your income is very attractive to women!

    A trick to being an engaging conversationalist is to always ask about the other person. Ask away such as inquiring about her life, interests, where she has been, her likes and anything that she wants to talk about herself. I do this all the time with people in my community and they can talk for hours about themselves. People are bored whenever you talk about yourself. However, if you make it all about them, they'll savor every moment with you. Everyone loves a great listener.

    Don't be desperate. Exude self confidence. Nothing is more attractive than a self confident man but not to be confused with cocky and arrogant. You can still remain humble.

    When meeting women, just act natural. Don't try so hard to be well liked nor humorous otherwise you'll be perceived as weird and strange.

    I'm thinking back to when I met my husband, dated him and what I was attracted to. He had recently graduated, had a great job, humble, modest, great character and to me, nothing else mattered. He was snatched up right away. I didn't waste any time. I can't speak for all women but many women whom I know did the same. Btw, my husband was shy, too.

    You're only 33 years old. You're not old! You still have time. Work on yourself, take good care of your health and branch out even if you do it slowly and gradually.

    Make female friends. They know other females and eventually they can introduce you to eligible bachelorettes.

    You have to start somewhere by taking action. You can't simply wish for anything without putting forth the effort which applies to everything in life.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    You seem kind of uptight. I don't mean that in a rude way. Chill out a bit and perhaps explore your mindset a little and analyze the venue less. Don't be afraid to go out and meet people. Your thinking seems very negative and I think it has to do with feeling a bit insecure about not having had a girlfriend before. Take that chip off your shoulder because it's still holding you back.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Get to a doctor for a complete check up and to treat your anxiety/depression. Get a referral to a therapist for ongoing supporting therapy. The inertia and ruminating you describe is not about "where to meet women" it is about being so stalled out with untreated/poorly managed psychological issues. If you can't even talk to women, you won't be able to date no less solidify a relationship. Get to a doctor.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Besides the activities mentioned, go to Meetup.com and see if they have singles activity groups in your area that are geared to people in your age group. Everybody is there for the same reason and you can gradually get to know women as per when people regularly get together for whatever is planned--festivals, hiking, concerts. You might even make new guy friends as a bonus.

    Meeting women in a genuine way? Are there police ready to arrest you for a barrier you're enforcing on yourself for some strange reason? Think of all the activities you're doing as putting yourself out into the world so that you can spread your net wide to catch more fishes. Because it's not like every woman you meet will match you in all the important ways. You usually have to do quite a lot of dating before finding a good match.

    How about taking dance lessons? In my area, you can take lessons in tango, salsa, west coast and east coast swing dancing, and ballroom dancing. It's usually a group lesson that you show up to and the instructor has you changing partner's like every ten minutes. Always have the mindset that you're there to have fun, and do something interesting, even if you don't meet an interesting woman at that particular event.

    Good luck.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Fudgie's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Get to a doctor for a complete check up and to treat your anxiety/depression. Get a referral to a therapist for ongoing supporting therapy. The inertia and ruminating you describe is not about "where to meet women" it is about being so stalled out with untreated/poorly managed psychological issues. If you can't even talk to women, you won't be able to date no less solidify a relationship. Get to a doctor.
    I agree with Wiseman. You say you have issues with talking to women and you have a lot of anxiety with that. Well, trying to meet women isn't going to do you a lot of good unless you fix this underlying problem.

  8. #7
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    Trust me, we are out there waiting for guys to want to meet us! But everyone is correct, we are not going to hang out if you are insecure or lack confidence.

  9. #8
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    I know I have to think more positively, but being a perfectionist as well I notice I am also being picky. Nothing wrong with that I guess.
    But as soon as I see an attractive women, like I said, I get really nervous and my natural way of acting becomes messed up and I become really shy and self-conscious.

    This stuff has been going on my whole life and I can't seem to get out of it. I know I've got depression and anxiety issues, but even after 10 years of therapy I have - in my opinion - not changed.


    I agree with the others - get a health work up to rule out chemical imbalance, food allergies, etc, and also see a psychologist.
    If you only want to meet women who are supermodels, you will never meet anyone. You should just focus on the fact if you had any sort of conversation with any woman in your general age group that day - the day is a win - whether that is placing your order with one, seeing someone coming out of the ice cream parlor with a flavor you don't recognize "what flavor is that?" ANY conversation with another human being - even if not a woman - will help.

  10. #9
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    Hi all, thanks for your replies.

    I have to say first that I think I sometimes feel struck down that I post stuff that isn't entirely true. In hindsight I mean. I can be a good conversationalist and even approach women and talk to them without shaking like rattle snake. It just all depends on my mood.

    About the therapy, I'm still going to a therapist - have been for a long time - so that's already in the works. One psychologist helps me really well.

    I do need to exercise more. I'm a real thinker, so next to my job I am also thinking a lot and stressing. So I'm often too tired or unmotivated to do sports let alone go out for a simple walk. I want to work on that.

    I wrote down a bunch of your suggestions. I'm trying to act on and memorize them as well.

    By the way - what I like are basically two things; making my own 2D games and football (not American football). Both are things you hardly meet any single women, or women at all. I don't really like much else, so it's so difficult to think out of the box and actually do something about it. I can't seem to think of anything else but dating sites/apps and going out to a bar etc. to meet women. I'm not sure about things like dancing lessons; I think dancing is a bit.. well let's just say I'm not that 'expressive'.

    Thanks :)


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