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Thread: Should I cut my best friend off?

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by mysteryguy01
    But most importantly, don't ignore me/the issue at hand when I ask/bring it to your (his) attention again, like yesterday.
    You can't make someone behave the way you feel is best, OP. You can't make someone see things from your point of view when he just doesn't see it the same way.

    I actually think he is purposely taking distance from you because he isn't comfortable with the demands you make on his time and attention. Read between the lines here a bit and stop pushing for more. You say you have no feelings for him, but it sure doesn't come across that way and I have to wonder if he is concerned about the same thing. If you keep pressing the issue, you are going to find yourself with his friendship altogether. I have a friend who behaved and felt similarly to you, and I found that we were just not compatible as friends. We had two vastly different perspectives about what we wanted from a friendship and I didn't feel comfortable with her emotional attachment to me. I would not be surprised at all if he's keeping you at arm's length for the same reason now.

    You don't have to agree with it. But you can't change people. He is who he is, and you are who are you. Take it or leave it. You've said your piece. He can do with that as he pleases. If you don't like it, you don't have to stay friends with him.

  2. #22
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    There's another thread right now about hating texting. I, too, hate texting, unless it's for arranging logistics, or a simple hi.

    Texting shouldn't go on for hours and hours.

    I get that you two met online, so electronic communication is your norm, your base, but your friendship should have moved past texting, to calls and hanging out in person, a long time ago.

    Because it has not, you have become very dependent on the little text "dings", which have been linked to dopamine response, a la slot machines.

    Stop the texting altogether. Other than "Hey what's up", and then moving to phone calls, where you can have an actual conversation.

    To answer your original question, as to why he suddenly drops off of a conversation? Well, I liken that to someone suddenly hanging up on a call. It's rude, and it's abysmal behavior, and with as many times as you've expressed how much you can't stand it, and he continues to do it, well me.....I'd drop the call....permanently.

  3. #23
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    And also as an update to everything, let me just add I was on PlayStation late last night enjoying a game when he signed online and popped in a game of his own.
    If he's got time to do that, then there was plenty of time to answer my question in the proceeding 10+ hours.

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by mysteryguy01
    And also as an update to everything, let me just add I was on PlayStation late last night enjoying a game when he signed online and popped in a game of his own.
    If he's got time to do that, then there was plenty of time to answer my question in the proceeding 10+ hours.
    Yes, exactly. So, let that be your sign that he doesn't want to talk to you right now, OP.

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  6. #25
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    We cross-posted. I posted just above you, #22, where I say this is rude of him, so please read that post.

    He obviously doesn't care that this bothers you, and it creates a jerky, last-word type of world for him.

    Which causes you to constantly check when he's online, ooooh, he's there now, why hasn't he responded to me? I know he's just sitting there! I'm not chastising you, because I've done that too! Checking to see whether someone's online, but they haven't responded to me. I get it, it's so hurtful, but this isn't healthy for you.

  7. #26
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    @Misscanuck and @LH Girl... make sure you guys read another message I wrote right before this one. (I think we were all typing at the same time) But thank you guys for taking the time to give me your thoughts and input.

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by mysteryguy01
    @Misscanuck and @LH Girl... make sure you guys read another message I wrote right before this one. (I think we were all typing at the same time) But thank you guys for taking the time to give me your thoughts and input.
    I read it. It doesn't change my opinion.

  9. #28
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    I read it too. Doesn't change my opinion either.

    This is an unhealthy dynamic.

  10. #29
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Happy pride from Los Angeles!

    Sorry you're going through this. Joining in with the others, something here just sounds....off. A touch unhealthy. Maybe it's that you have more feelings for him than he does you—not saying romantically, but just a higher octane, a more focused emotional investment. Or maybe it's just that you guys don't quite sync up in your expectations of communication.

    I have two friends who live faraway, among my "best" friends, who I get into some long text chats with—well, now one, since one moved to my city a few months ago and so we no longer really need to text. Anyhow, often one of us will just kind of drop off in the middle, for a day, for a week. Who knows why? A friend comes over in real life, or a movie comes on, or one of us just feel like sitting silently and staring into space. Point is, it's not a problem. It just...is not. Which is why these friendships work.

    Guess what I'm saying is that I'm 100 percent okay with the idea that sometimes these people might just not want to talk to me when I want to talk to them—that "busy" can mean just that. Busy being themselves. Doesn't have to mean they're working two jobs, taking care of two kids, walking six dogs, or winning some award for Busiest Human on the Planet. They like me and care about me, a lot. And I them. I know this, end scene.

    I get the feeling that, aside from this friend, you don't have a lot of other things/people in your life that you're heavily invested in emotionally. Might be worth thinking about. Just like money, it's good to spread investments out a bit: put everything in one stock and you watch it like a hawk, getting very antsy when it dips just a bit; when they money is spread out in a few stocks you don't care so much when one isn't performing in exactly the way you hope it will.

  11. #30
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    @bluecastle. Thanks for your comments. I like what you said, especially the last paragraph. We'll see what happens though. I think I'm pretty much done with him. Whether or not our communication expectations match up or not is one thing (like what you said), but I feel like if you can't respect me enough/have the decency to acknowledge that I'm trying to ask about the issue when you know it bothers me, than why bother at all.

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