Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 11 to 19 of 19

Thread: My Ex Bf said he lost feelings for him - is there any chance of him coming back?

  1. #11
    I was just concerned that I wouldn’t be a good enough gf and he would leave me so I would always talk to my friends asking for advice and I only realize now how much I talked about him. I would mostly talk about things with my friends and also his best friend which was a mistake becuase he was probably relaying things I said to my ex.

    I definitely think you are right about how he wouldn’t want to go back with me because of this but I only started to do this a lot more towards the end when I got really stressed and I only did it because I cared about him and wanted things to work. I just wonder if I give him the space he will start to forget the bad things because we had so many good times together and we never fought or anything.

    I mean I was pretty nice gf and I definitely treated him right so I’m just hoping he will realize that one day.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    British Columbia, Canada
    Posts
    1,322
    Gender
    Female
    Now that you've shared a lot more, I think he acted a bit harshly, to be very honest with you. Relationships are also about room for forgiving and learning. Breaking up with someone because of a temporary lapse in judgment regarding communication alone seems ironic because if he's such a good communicator, he'd simply communicate the hurt and disappointment and leave room for change. At the heart of it, I think you should be thankful if someone lets you go like this. It means that you are now free to find someone who is more able to forgive and grow with you.

    I see it as a plus both ways: if he learns to forgive and grow with you, it's a plus; if he doesn't, it's another plus for you because you get to now find someone new and grow with someone who may be a lot more forgiving and understanding.

    It always takes two to tango. In the big scheme of things, this issue you had is not that big. Sorry. There are bigger problems out there and this doesn't even hold a candle to it. Long term commitment takes a lot of love and a lot of flexibility and a lot of forgiveness for the small nitty gritty things. You learned your lesson now but don't allow someone to abuse you or make you feel guilty for long. Learn from it, toss that chip aside and grow forwards.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    8,742
    OP, you also have to remember that him breaking up with you is probably not all down to this issue of you over-sharing. It is likely a combination of factors and him being honest that he just doesn't have those strong feelings for you.

  4. #14
    Yeah I guess I was just a bit surprised becuase I was always concerned that he liked me more than I liked him and then all of a sudden he said he is not feeling it anymore. I don’t know, I feel like because this is his first relationship and he went to an all boys school that he just doesn’t know what he is doing. It doesn’t matter at the end of anyway because if he realizes he made a mistake he would contact me anyway.

  5.  

  6. #15
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    8,742
    How old are you both?

  7. #16
    We are both 19.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    33,254
    Gender
    Male
    Ok, take some time off to learn effective communication skills. Gossip, end runs and asking everybody else under the sun to call the shots would be a deal breaker for most anybody. It's very controlling and shows a lack of boundaries and lack of respect for someone. You need to deal with someone one-on-one. Not a judge and jury of your friends and worse, gossiping to His people about him/your relationship.

    Your friends aren't dating him. His friends aren't dating you. Some sort term therapy may help you with insecurity and communication skills. You should be talking with the person you're dating, not exclude him from the conversation and talk to everyone else about him.
    Originally Posted by Horses634
    I would always talk to my friends asking for advice and I only realize now how much I talked about him. I would mostly talk about things with my friends and also his best friend which was a mistake becuase he was probably relaying things I said to my ex.

  9. #18
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    May 2019
    Posts
    229
    No. It really sounds like there is no hope for reconciliation. If this is your first relationship, you will learn that sometimes people legitimately just lose interest. And that is OK! That is why people date before they totally commit!

    Cross him off of your list. Be kind if you see him, but move on. Don't worry about the music he listens to or if he is leaving his room. Worry about yourself.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    2,079
    Originally Posted by Horses634
    Yeah I guess I was just a bit surprised becuase I was always concerned that he liked me more than I liked him and then all of a sudden he said he is not feeling it anymore. I don’t know, I feel like because this is his first relationship and he went to an all boys school that he just doesn’t know what he is doing. It doesn’t matter at the end of anyway because if he realizes he made a mistake he would contact me anyway.
    This sounds pretty normal for a first time relationship at 19. I had a very similar experience when I dated a 19 year old (no matter that I was 27 lol). Very intense, very brief, fears that she liked me more than I liked her, then she has the gall to dump me!

    Right now you are scrambling to figure out what went wrong (and specifically, what YOU did wrong to mess things up). You can't avoid that kind of thinking altogether, but try not to go there. This is what happens to your brain when love is lost. There are probably hundreds of reasons things didn't work out. Most likely, the two of you simply weren't compatible for the long term, but being the first relationship you both had, you magnified every aspect that was positive about the two of you, and minimized after aspect that wasn't working. Having similar goals is important, but it's not the most important thing. If you were consistently going to your friends, yeah, you probably had some first relationship jitters. At the same time, maybe you and your ex were never quite at the same level of feeling, always adjusting rather than settling on something natural.

    Beating yourself up about your mistakes isn't going to bring him back. And even more than that: getting to the bottom of everything and figuring out why things ended isn't going to bring him back or make you feel better. The best path forward is to learn to accept the loss and move on with your life. Apply lessons you learned to your next relationship some day, find other things in your life that bring you joy, and don't wait around for him to change his mind and come back. You're worthy of love and if he isn't the one who can be that for you don't waste any more time on him than you have to!

Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •