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Thread: ex contacted me after 7 yrs no contact

  1. #1
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    ex contacted me after 7 yrs no contact

    Dear peope who read this thread,
    I was posting here 7 yrs ago when I was going through break up nightmare and this forum saved me.I am thankful for all the good people who were giving me support and I learned a lot about many levels of behaviors.This forum is gold!
    Anyways I know I should not be concerned,but I am still angry on my ex.Not angry,but after everything,he DARES to write me mail asking how am I,and not only that,he met my sister in pub,came to her table and started asking about me and what am I doing.Of course my smart sister told him where I work and all,and now I am angry on her too Also he said hello to me?!?!?!!?!?!
    I was treated like from his side at the end when he got involved with another girl.He cheated me and moved in to live with new girl,hiding it from me and blaming me fro so many reasons.I was young and I had no experience.We dated 7 yrs,he was my first boyfriend and I could not imagine that he can be so cruel to me just at once.It took me 1 year to fully recover and to go on with my life.I dated other men but we always had decent break up with no hate and with all my exes I can still talk and I have no bad feelings about them,except for this one.I don't care for him and I even forgot about him.When I received mail,I was first like who is this?
    Aslo he saw my mother on the street with sister's daughter and he was asking sister if it is my baby.
    I feel tempted to write him to **** off,but still I think it is better to ignore.He is disturbing my family and thinks that now it is ok to get back to contact,and he doesn't know that our contact does not depend only on him anymore.Bastard!Maybe the best is to ignore again,but it makes me angry that he dares to come and speaks to my sister.

  2. #2
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    Yes, the best thing is to ignore it, and to try to get over your feelings of having been ill treated. It's been 7 years. He shouldn't be having this effect on you.

    He isn't disturbing your family. They have the same option as you to ignore him, but I suppose they think it would be rude to do that.

    Don't give in to the temptation of emailing him back. In fact, block his ability to email and text you. He'll get the message.

  3. #3
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    Ignore him! That will have the biggest impact. Responding shows you care.

    If he sent an email, then block him.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Just ignore him.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Mark the message with your spam blocker and skip the indignation. Holding a grudge hurts US rather than the intended target, and for what purpose?

    I'd also disabuse myself of the idea that I can control family members, especially in public where they have every right to be. Our private sensitivities are not anyone else's burden to carry or cater to. Social pleasantries with someone you haven't seen in 7 years is hardly disloyal. You can simply ask family not to mention him to you if they see him, then move your focus forward.

    The problem with viewing ourselves as victimized by our own lousy choices of partners in the past sets us up to lack confidence in our own abilities to use better judgment in the future. Instead, it feeds an inaccurate belief that we are somehow at the mercy of other people's lousy judgment.

    Credit yourself for your progress, instead.

    Head high.

  7. #6
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    Yes,true,the best is to ignore.I don't think that I am victimized by him in the past,but he really turned to be very mean person.He doesn't mean anything to me anymore and I forgot that he exist.But to sniff around my life now I don't understand.I would never come to ask his family about him,if I see them.For me it is end of the story.
    I blocked him on email and youtube.Fb I blocked him 7 years ago.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Yes delete and block him on all your messaging platforms and social media. Also ask your family to do the same. Ask your family's cooperation in this.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by turtle3
    Yes,true,the best is to ignore.I don't think that I am victimized by him in the past,but he really turned to be very mean person.He doesn't mean anything to me anymore and I forgot that he exist.But to sniff around my life now I don't understand.I would never come to ask his family about him,if I see them.For me it is end of the story.
    I blocked him on email and youtube.Fb I blocked him 7 years ago.
    The opposite of love is indifference. You are so not anywhere near indifference if you can't just ignore him and have to start a thread about him.

    He is currently indifferent to you and feels that if he runs into people he once knew, he can enquire how they are without blowing an emotional gasket of hate and disturbance. Try to reach that stage to him and you will not care if he enquires about you and how you are doing.

  10. #9
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    Wiseman2 I was wondering where are you to give me comment! I don't think that there is thread I posted you haven't gave me answer!Thank you!How are you?

    ThatwasThen thank you so much for support,but I don't agree.I wanted to share this bcs it makes me angry.I ignored first his mail and blocked him and If he is indifferent,he would not disturb my sister in pub,he wanted to hear if my life is better or worse than his.I don't want him tomorrow to stop my mother or father again.I want him to leave me and my family alone.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by turtle3
    ThatwasThen thank you so much for support,but I don't agree.I wanted to share this bcs it makes me angry.I ignored first his mail and blocked him and If he is indifferent,he would not disturb my sister in pub,he wanted to hear if my life is better or worse than his.I don't want him tomorrow to stop my mother or father again.I want him to leave me and my family alone.
    Well, I'd file that under too-bad-so-sad. You don't own control over other people's interactions. You can ask your family not to speak of him to you, and you can suggest that you'd appreciate it if they didn't indulge any questions about you. But beyond that, your magic wand is a dud. You can fume about that if you want to, it's not against the law. It's just not going to buy you any control over what anyone else wants to say or do.

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