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Thread: Am I overreacting?

  1. #1
    Member Adriana7's Avatar
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    Am I overreacting?

    So here goes yíall, me and my childís father have been over for over 2 years now. Everything good on my end. However when he left he forgot to take his mom with him. Before you say Iím being mean please know that my ex who I was with 7 years is a narcissist. After years of studying these kind of people and leaving the one I was with his mother after the breakup upped the calls and texts between us. There are times I feel like she is trying to keep up with me and let him know what Iím doing. I donít like that If itís true. She is my kids nana but she calls ME not her grandkid. To gossip. My ex has a baby now who is the cutest thing ever and all she does now is send me pics and videos of the baby like heís mine. All I want to do is move on with my life -WITHOUT HIM IN IT!! My daughter sees her dad regularly and her baby brother she adores him. I watched a video explaining that his mom just may be a flying monkey for him. Am I overreacting?? Should I cut this woman off from my life( not my daughterís)? I just have a feeling that I canít trust her 100 percent and Iím trying to move along with my life without her input. She even has told me when I should start dating! Help! Any narcissist survivors I need your honest help here. She just sent me a video of this mans baby AGAIN!! 🤦🏽♀️

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I'm not sure I believe in narcissism as I've found it's often used out of context by enablers. I think you are enabling his mother's behaviour and that unhealthy relationship you have with her doesn't have enough boundaries. I'm also not sure what your financial situation is like - do you depend on her for income or the upkeep of the home? If you are self-sufficient, the set up doesn't make sense. She can still offer to babysit in her own home (separate from your home with your daughter) if you depend on her for babysitting for example and all of you can still develop and maintain a relationship for the sake of your daughter.

    By saying that your child's father forgot to take his mom with him suggests that it's his fault for leaving her behind. It's really your responsibility to introduce proper boundaries and enforce them after your break up. Try and take more ownership for the situation and come to a solution that works for everyone.

    Your daughter shouldn't be left without a nana or lose touch with her dad or her little brother but neither should you be living with the grandmother or forgetting to create better boundaries for yourself. I agree with you that you do need to live your own life and feel as a separate and independent entity. The problem is I don't think you're doing enough for yourself in order to get to that place. Try and start coming up with ideas that might work for all of you.

  3. #3
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    Adriana, you can never cut her out of your life as long as she is your child's grandmother. But you can certainly let her understand that you don't wish to discuss your private life with her.

    Keep the conversations about your child. If she starts asking you about your personal life, whom you're dating, etc., just give her vague, non-specific answers.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    When she phones say hi to her and tell her you will get your child to talk to her, and then do that. Stop being drawn into conversations with her.

    I cannot stand talking to my husband's sister so back when he had a land line and I answered and it was her I'd say hi, let me get (hubby's name) for you and then I'd give him the phone. Now she just has his cell # and I never have to talk to her.

    This is all about boundaries.

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  6. #5
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    Why are you engaging with her in this capacity? You are enabling this situation.

    Set up dates with her to meet with the kids, then hand the phone to your children.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    I'd counter anything that I don't want to answer with, "Thanks for asking, but I'd prefer to keep that stuff private." Then change the subject by asking if your daughter told her about the party at school, or whatever.

    The rest is no skin off your back, and it makes no sense for your own head to set your child's grandmother up as an adversary. Just skip telling her anything you don't want her to know, and move forward.

  8. #7
    Member Adriana7's Avatar
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    To the first person who replied : I live in my own home I drive my own car. I have a very good job while I own two degrees. She does nothing for my livelihood. I do not depend on anyone for anything. Thanks for your input. And yes, narcissists actually do exist.

  9. #8
    Member Adriana7's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SarahLancaster
    Adriana, you can never cut her out of your life as long as she is your child's grandmother. But you can certainly let her understand that you don't wish to discuss your private life with her.

    Keep the conversations about your child. If she starts asking you about your personal life, whom you're dating, etc., just give her vague, non-specific answers.
    Thank you for your answer. That i will definitely do. I just don't think she should be calling me three times a day to only talk to me and not her granddaughter. Seems odd to me. Thank you!

  10. #9
    Member Adriana7's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Why are you engaging with her in this capacity? You are enabling this situation.

    Set up dates with her to meet with the kids, then hand the phone to your children.
    It's hard to do that when I have known and conversed with her 7 years now. I will create boundaries from now on. I just don't answer the phone when she calls 3 times a day now. She shows more interest in my life than her granddaughters. Thanks.

  11. #10
    Member Adriana7's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by catfeeder
    I'd counter anything that I don't want to answer with, "Thanks for asking, but I'd prefer to keep that stuff private." Then change the subject by asking if your daughter told her about the party at school, or whatever.

    The rest is no skin off your back, and it makes no sense for your own head to set your child's grandmother up as an adversary. Just skip telling her anything you don't want her to know, and move forward.
    She is definitely not my adversary I never said that. I know I must create more boundaries because it's obvious she's calling to get my info to relay back to her son. That's my fault for being too comfortable with her. I feel like she's keeping tabs on Me. If you understand a narcissist which people rarely do, you could see she's definitely his flying monkey. I Will definitely take the advice. Thanks.

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