Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 30

Thread: Very complicated situation (22/F) and feeling very depressed.

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    Posts
    13

    Very complicated situation (22/F) and feeling very depressed.

    Hi all.

    As the title states, I have a very complicated situation right now. I met a guy about 7 months ago and I instantly liked him. Weíve sort of been seeing each other for those 7 months and recently I was diagnosed with HPV that has been treated. I was planning on telling him this, but a couple nights ago (last time I saw him) but we ended up getting really drunk/doing drugs. I made a huge mistake and didnít disclose and I obviously feel horrible about it. Iíve been crying all morning and so scared to tell him because he deserves to know. However, there is another issue at hand. That night he got out of hand and hit me multiple times as well as said some verbally mean things. I thought he was simply playing around but looking back on it, I remember feeling scared. We havenít talked about it because he woke up and said he didnít remember anything. I am not really sure how to move forward. I really care about him and I have this secret that I need to tell him, but after seeing that side of him I am a little scared to say anything. Itís hard because after last night, Iím not even sure if I would want something serious with him. Any advice would be appreciated.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    British Columbia, Canada
    Posts
    2,417
    Gender
    Female
    The relationship shouldn't continue (please don't see him again) if he's hitting you. Your doubts are founded. Please listen to your instincts. The drugs need to stop also - seek help. Some battles cannot be fought alone and if you need help, seek that help from trained professionals who can help you. I think you should distance yourself emotionally and physically from this person and clear your mind. Decide what you want to do from there regarding telling him or not about the HPV. That's a call you need to make on your own. I'd generally advise keeping others informed.

    I did date someone a long time ago who did have a similar std and two months in he told me before things progressed or we were sexually active. It was very difficult for him but I respected him for it. Associate yourself more with people who uplift you and give you hope and encourage you despite the diagnosis. There is a lot more to life and you are not your std. Stay positive and continue to take care of your health. This stress is not good for you.

  3. #3
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    Posts
    13
    Thank you for your reply.

    I want to tell him about it because I feel so horrible. I feel like the worst person for not saying anything and I donít want him to hate me. But after seeing what I did the other day, Iím afraid of his reaction. I am so sad because I really do care about him and it makes me wonder about what the future would be like if this is already occurring. He kept saying things while he was under the influence like ďSee, this is what youíd be getting yourself intoĒ and I feel bad. I am honestly no better than him.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    3,249
    Gender
    Male
    This guy sounds like really bad news. As in never see him again bad news. And I think that's really the main thing you should be focusing on right now.

    Men who abuse you, physically and emotionally, are men to never see again. No man, under any circumstances, is justified in behaving the way he did with you, so please don't equivocate that you're "no better than him" because you didn't mention an STD that has been treated.

    As Rose said, this is the time to create distanceópermanent distance. This person is not healthy, and, by the sounds of it, he knows it. If you feel the need to tell him, you can send him an email. Then continue focusing on you and your health, mental and physical. HPV is not forever. The trauma of abuse is much, much longer lasting.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    Posts
    13
    I think what makes it so sad is that I care so much about him and want him to feel the same for me that Iím doing things (drugs) that I normally wouldnít just so that maybe he will think more of me.

    I think I just feel horrible because my intention was to disclose the hpv to him prior to sex. But it just happened and Iím afraid of his reaction if I tell him now. Itís the visible kind (warts), but I have gotten treatment and thereís none visible. I think he does know he isnít healthy and he has told me in the past, but I never thought it would be as bad as it was. I couldnít tell if he was just playing around, but when I had bruises I knew that it wasnít okay. Lots of other things happened/were said and it just hurts when you care so much but they donít for you. I donít want to hurt him.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    12,087
    Originally Posted by beeurself173
    I think what makes it so sad is that I care so much about him and want him to feel the same for me that Iím doing things (drugs) that I normally wouldnít just so that maybe he will think more of me.

    I think I just feel horrible because my intention was to disclose the hpv to him prior to sex. But it just happened and Iím afraid of his reaction if I tell him now. Itís the visible kind (warts), but I have gotten treatment and thereís none visible. I think he does know he isnít healthy and he has told me in the past, but I never thought it would be as bad as it was. I couldnít tell if he was just playing around, but when I had bruises I knew that it wasnít okay. Lots of other things happened/were said and it just hurts when you care so much but they donít for you. I donít want to hurt him.
    He doesn't seem to mind hurting you.

    Please make an appointment with your doctor to get a referral to a therapist. You don't think highly of yourself and the result is you are exposing yourself to terrible people. This cycle has to stop before you expose yourself to someone who will put you in the hospital or the morgue.

  8. #7
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    Posts
    13
    Youíre right. I think I just really donít think Iím worthy of love or affection because of my diagnosis. I always find myself putting my all into someone and building them up and I never get the same in return. I just do feel bad, but I know that this isnít the right relationship for me.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    34,963
    Gender
    Male
    Get to a doctor and discuss this situation on every level very frankly, including being drunk and being beaten. He may have given you something under the circumstances. Delete block and never have anything to do with someone like this. He got drunk and hit you and " Iím not even sure if I would want something serious with him"? When you are at the doctor ask for a referral to a therapist.
    Originally Posted by beeurself173
    . That night he got out of hand and hit me multiple times as well as said some verbally mean things.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    21,419
    You are doing drugs so someone will like you more. This is sad. If he does not care about you after 7 months, he never will.

    You need to address your self esteem issues. You are chasing a guy who will not commit, is violent and does drugs. He is no prize, and you should address what got you in this place.

    Tell him about the std, and end it. I also suggest some therapy.

    Why aren't you using condoms? Unbelievable!

  11. #10
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    Posts
    13
    I know, it was stupid. We were both very under the influence. I am scared to tell him more than ever now after witnessing the behavior I did. I feel like itís the right thing to do, but I also donít want something worse to come out of it.

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •