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Thread: Super Depressed

  1. #1
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    Super Depressed

    I've suffered from depression my whole entire life. I remember having somber moods ever since I was a teenager.
    I got bullied, was underweight, painfully shy, possibly molested, never had much friends, boys always teased me,etc.
    It wasn't until I was in my mid twenties that I actually began to break out of that ugly duckling phase.
    I filled out, I get complemented on my body shape all the time, I got my teeth aligned with braces; I'm not the same awkward girl I was some years ago.
    However, I find that these last several years have been rather trying.
    My mom got really sick, I became her caretaker, she's now in a nursing home. My brother who has always had a codependent relationship with her.
    He quit his job recently because of anxiety, 😒and has been struggling to make ends meet.
    In the past, it would be my mom that would always fix his mistakes for him.
    Now that she's unable to, he's gradually shifting the burdens of his shortcomings on me.
    Laat month, I paid his rent.
    I hesitantly answered my phone when he called me yesterday & he eventually admited that he does not know if he'll be able to pay his rent this month. He's awaiting a decision to get disability for his mental illness & working part time hours at a factory.
    I hung up the phone on him because I had to go visit my mom, because I visit her daily after work & quite frankly did not want to deal with him.
    My current living situation is less than ideal.
    I'm 33 & because my mom was home as of recently with her boyfreind, I was living with her while I taking care of her in a 1 bedroom apartment! Of course, I paid my portion of the rent & still do.
    She moved to the nursing home, my stepdad lives in his room and I sleep in the living room divided by a Japenese Seperator.
    I had big plans to move out on my own when my mom went to the home.
    I saw this as a fresh start, but now my selfish brother is beginning to drain me of my financial & positive energy.
    I'm zonked out & feel like I'm stagnant in life.
    Last month, he manipulated me & said that if he gets evicted, he'll just have to move in with me!
    I went off & told him the living space is already small, & that I already have 0 privacy.
    He said he doesn't care.
    To prevent this, & get a peace of mind, I eventually caved in & paid his rent.😩
    My dating life is not going as well also.
    I recently reconnected with a guy who I thought dissapeared from life, & we agreed that a FWB relationship wouldn't be so bad.
    Even after meeting with him, I still feel empty because my brother killed my buzz.
    At this point, I'm feeling severely depressed & down.
    I feel like I have no one, I can't open up to my mom because she's not mentally well, & I also kind of resent her anyway.
    Men just want me for sex, (never relationship)so why not have that fwb with the guy I liked after being celibate for so long.
    I'm not suicidal but if the grim reaper aproached me, I'd gladly oblige.
    The only thing about death I'm afraid of is reincarnation.
    I'm very good at faking the funk so well, that once when I opened up to my doctor about my depression, she looked impressed & said that I hide it so well. However, faking the funk leaves me very drained when I get home.
    What do I do to get out of this situation? What would be the first step. I can't think properly and don't know what to do.
    I feel so stuck.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Move out. Find a house-share, room, small apt.,etc. You are wallowing in a toxic situation. Do not confide in your mother, accept that she has neurological problems. Go to a doctor and get checked out for depression. Get a referral to a therapist. Focus on your health more. Get in shape, eat better get more healthy activity. Join some clubs and groups to make some friends and get out of the house. Stop depending on and living with family.

  3. #3
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    Your living situation can't continue. Does your mother's boyfriend have an income?

    You are not obligated to pay your brother's bills because he has anxiety. He needs to get off his butt and get a job like everyone else. If he has anxiety, he needs to see a doctor and get treated for it. As long as you pay his bills, he will continue being a malingerer.

    Be a big girl and make a move. Get an efficiency apartment or a studio. Start taking care of your own needs.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Stop with your brother. You can say no to him, so do that. Go live with a friend, and block/delete your brother. Once you rid of him, you will be able to get your life back on track. Stop feeling so guilty, empower yourself....do this for YOU.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Unfortunately the human condition is such that we prey upon the weak of our own kind. If you sense you're vulnerable in the dating sphere, you probably are and your dates are feeding off that energy in the same way your brother is in regards to your living situation. I think you are genuinely riddled with fear and, it seems, uncontrollable and insurmountable sadness. I do think you should seek treatment for your depression and try to speak to someone licensed and trained enough to help you.

    I'm sorry to hear about the difficulties with your mum's health. The first step, to me, is to start getting a grip on your own health and mental health and start owning your life and taking ownership for your situation. It's not enough to list a long list of reasons for the things that went wrong. You'll have to turn those into reasons for living well and striving for a better future. This should be your fuel out of this universe of sadness, not the fuel that burns you to ashes. Find treatment and start honouring you.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    This is the vortex you were raised in and imagining a different life must be challenging.

    Assuming your mom is now in good hands, you are not remotely responsible for your father, nor your brother.

    `We teach people how to treat us' and you've taught them and rewarded them well by sacrificing your life and your well being for the care of other grown adults, that if left to figure it out they'd have to step up and do the right thing.

    Take that leap and cut these toxic codependent family ties you have. Invest in some personal therapy for support

  8. #7
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    Thanks everyone for your advice.
    I visit my mom daily straight after work & today, I feel so emotionally exhausted, I just cannot go.
    When I go, I just do not visit,I actually physically help her about to the bathroom, bring food, etc. Today, I just can't.
    I feel a bit guilty but if I'm not at my best, I'd hate to bring any negative somber energies towards her.
    As for my brother, if he calls or texts, he's not getting no response.
    I'm just kind of over everything for now & desperately want some solitude for the night.
    I will look into that house share idea, I think it would be a great start for me. And my stepdad actually does pay half the rent, but at my age, it's not cute to tell a date about my more than weird living situation.
    I'm going to try to not allow my family or my depression drag me down.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Don't allow yourself to feel blackmailed. If you can afford to pay brother's rent, you can afford to pay your own, elsewhere. Then if he gets evicted he can take your spot on the family couch while you're off living your own life.

    Ask the nursing home for a referral to a social worker, and make an appointment to see what resources are available to you and ask the social worker to refer you for an assessment for your depression. Learn your options for treatment and choose one.

    Allow other fully capable adults to get the help that THEY need and manage their own care.

  10. #9
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    You're probably not a depressed person, but instead one who makes bad choices.

    Best place to start is to dump the fwb fantasy. Really.., there is no such thing. (Prostituting oneself to forget/ignore, troubles, loneliness etc vs. money is the same thing.)

    Second, build a budget that includes your goals and stick to it.

  11. #10
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    You mentioned talking to your doctor, but have you considered seeing a counselor/therapist? You have a lot of different things you're dealing with right now, and it can be really helpful to talk through all that with a professional.
    Personally, I feel like you deserve a lot better than the FWB relationship. It's obvious from what you're saying that you don't really want that, but you just haven't found any better options. So why settle?
    On a side note, I just want to say that with all the personal pressure you're under, you're doing such a good thing for your mom right now. I think the way you're taking care of her is so inspiring, keep up the good work! Blessings!

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