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Thread: Just found out my dad has dementia

  1. #11
    Gold Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    I'm sorry for your painful past, Seraphim.

    I hope your outrage will transform into calm someday soon.

    If you end up helping your dad during his dementia and dialysis, I hope you can feel this stage is only temporary. He won't last long at this rate. As hard as it is to do, you're doing your moral duty and you won't have any regrets later because you're a good person. Life is hard.

    I hope it helps for you to become unemotional because once you remove emotions, you'll feel numb towards bitterness and resentment. Or at least there are less outraged feelings when one becomes unemotional. I'm sorry you're going through this.

    I want your day in the sun to come very soon.

  2. 06-28-2019, 11:22 PM

  3. #12
    Platinum Member Fudgie's Avatar
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    I'm not sure how it works in Canada but if you just refuse to do anything for him and your aunt does the same... He has to go somewhere, right? If he's determined not to have capacity, maybe he can be placed in some home. I'll be honest, probably won't be a nice home, but seems fitting for someone like him and he will be taken care of.

    At least that's how it works here. No one steps up for you, you go on Medicaid, and if you need a nursing home, you go to a Medicaid home. It's not great but you're not homeless and you're fed and medicated so I guess that's something.

    Remember, family relation does not give someone license to abuse you nor does it obligate you to pour your money/time out to someone who has abused you. Any of this "its the right thing to do because it's your faaaattther" talk is just perpetuating the abuse cycle.

  4. #13
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    What an awkward awkward no win situation (there probably is no course of action you can take that will feel right).

    I donít know Iíd youíll find solace or clarity in this but thereís a story arc in the most recent season of Bojack horseman exploring this very theme.

  5. #14
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    My aunt called me to say my dad had another TIA during his dialysis . ( his 11th) . They have done cognitive assessments and found heís in the early stages of dementia . And many of you know what an evil horrible parent he was and my aunt tells me that my brother and I need to step up because we are his kids sheís only his sister even though she is his executor . Apparently he needs lifeline and she wants us to pay for it because he canít . I know heís my dad but Iím outraged this is a person that didnít even feed me and had his violent Paedophile brother in our life .

    I know heís my dad and Iíll probably pay for it but I am just so outraged right now . I remember having to walk around the street looking for change to eat or feed my brother and I need to pay for his health needs? Wth
    I wouldn't blame you for not paying. I'd even root for you. But I think it's going to come down to doing what's best for your conscience.

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  7. #15
    Gold Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    If I had a horrible parent who didn't feed me and my siblings and had a violent pedophile brother, I would've left the relationship long ago. I would've been estranged from him many years ago if it were me. I wouldn't owe him anything IMHO.

  8. #16
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    I am not ignoring guys I promise I am just having trouble processing my paternal family circus.

  9. #17
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    I wouldn't give him one penny. And I'd ignore the aunt and block her.

    Just because someone provided the sperm to create you, does not entitle him to anything, given how horribly he treated you as a "father".

    Just tell her that with expenses surrounding your son, and.....are you still running your business?? that between those two things, there is just not any money left over.

    If you feel she won't leave you alone and you want to keep some sort of peace with her (although you certainly are under no obligation), give a small token amount, say $50/month, and be done.

  10. #18
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    You are not obliged. She is blood, too. Let her handle it.

  11. #19
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Hi guys I will answer more when I am not breaking inside.

  12. #20
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    Sera, when he dies, do you think you would attend his funeral?

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