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Thread: He called me last night after NC and I handled it like a boss. But what now?

  1. #1

    He called me last night after NC and I handled it like a boss. But what now?

    After almost 4 weeks of no contact (he kept texting me, but I wasn't responding) he (video)called me last night. I was actually in a great mood, finally feeling better about myself. So I decided to pick up the phone.

    He asked me how I was doing. So I told him: good! Then there was some smalltalk and he said: but how are you REALLY doing? So I was like: great, like I told you! How about you? He paused for a bit, sounded like he was about to cry and he said: I miss you... I miss talking to you. I've been looking at your pictures and I just wanted to call.

    Of course I miss him too, but I told him I didn't exactly know how to respond to the statements he just made. He replied: I understand, but I can't help how I feel. Then he asked me if I wanted to come to the performance of his band this weekend, and that he bought me a ticket. So I told him sorry, but no. I answered some questions after that (showed him I was staying busy and having fun (it's the truth) Then I told him I actually wanted to go to bed and said goodbye.

    I felt so strong and happy after that! I was nice, happy, not bitter at all, but at the same time super clear that I'm not doing the girlfriend thing anymore.

    What now?
    I am just wondering what to do next. He is already texting me pictures of stuff we did together again. But I don't feel the need to respond. I told myself that I am only willing to talk to him again if he is going to take us seriously and starts working on his commitment/trust issues. I can't fix the trauma his ex gave him, only he can.

    What do you guys suggest? Continue no contact? Respond to texts, but don't engage in long conversations? Or start talking again... because, you have to start at some point right? I felt so good after the call, but I feel stuck again now.

    Thanks for reading this! <3 would love to know what you guys think.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    British Columbia, Canada
    Maybe ask yourself whether there's trust there in the first place. If you don't trust him, you'll always be playing cat and mouse. He will start to distrust you also for taking advantage of his vulnerability and feel stupid for putting himself out there. This has all the makings for an even worse and very unhealthy relationship. It doesn't sound to me like you are interested in him at all for being a basketcase or putting you through the wringer but yet you are pandering to your residual emotions. In other words, you know he's not good for you at all but you're still hoping on an illusion that he might one day be.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Some one his situation is likely to tell you everything you want to hear and even possibly believe it. But it remains to be seen if any change has taken place in the space of 4 weeks.

    You used the term trauma. I can't help but think trauma would need to take a good period of time and commitment to work through. Not 4 weeks.

    What should you do? Depends on what you want. You didn't say whether or not you wanted to reconcile. But if you did, are you willing to go backwards and after a few weeks of good behavior on both of your ends, end up exactly where you were before?

    I can safely say I am older than you and one lesson I learned - (and I know there are always exceptions to this) is when you go back, you are going back to pretty much the same dynamic. I wish someone had said this to me in a way that I would have listened to. I would have saved myself a lot of time and frustration.

    At the same time, sometimes we go back, take a look around and finally close that door with no regrets.

    It's all up to you.
    I can pretty much guess he isn't looking to only be your friend.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    I'm confused did he break up with you or did you break up with him?

    You said it's been four weeks NC, is that when you broke up, four weeks ago?

    Can you clarify what you meant when you said he has commitment/trust issues?

    In what context, did you want a commitment and he wasn't ready or something?

    I need some context before responding, and if he broke up with you, would need to know the reason he gave you for ending it.

    Without knowing these answers, it sounds like now that he's without you, he wants you, but when he had you, he wasn't sure if he wanted you.

    And if you fall back into it with him, he won't be sure about you again.

    That's typically how it goes with guys who have commitment issues, it's a never ending cycle of push/pull, hot/cold, break up/get back, later, rinse, repeat.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 06-28-2019 at 08:09 PM.


  6. #5
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    May 2017
    NC means NC.

    Meaning, you shouldn't have picked up the phone to answer. Additionally, that he should have been blocked from even being able to call you.

    Because you know what it's caused you to do? To think about it. To ruminate about it. To open up an account here, and post about it.

  7. #6
    Administrator kamurj's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2001
    Multiple accounts are not allowed. Thread closed.

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