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Thread: Tips on Self Growth ?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2019

    Tips on Self Growth ?

    Iíve been going through a lot recently and it has led me to see that Iím sort of a toxic person. I really donít mean to be but Iíve fallen into a sedentary lifestyle + a victim mentality and I make terrible choices. As embarrassing as it is- Iíve forgotten how to be a person pretty much. I just got out of a toxic relationship and it isolated me and I stopped taking care of myself. Iím out of that now and I really want to get better- but how? I know I need to look into seeing a therapist but would love a different point of view on things maybe. Or perhaps things I could do to better myself? Iím trying to change my entire mindset on things

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    British Columbia, Canada
    Try looking at your choices in partners (be real with yourself) and ask yourself why you're vulnerable to certain personality types and the effects it has on you. You may be looking for comfort and romance in inappropriate places or in situations that are unhealthy to start. No matter how positive you try to be about yourself, making the same choices in your company may undermine all the work that you're doing to change your mindset. Try to be present and mindful about your company and others.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Cloud Nine
    Replied in your other thread on this topic: [Register to see the link]
    Originally Posted by sullensloth
    I just got out of a toxic relationship and it isolated me and I stopped taking care of myself. I know I need to look into seeing a therapist but would love a different point of view on things maybe.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    If I were you, I would make your health your top priority. You can't do anything without good health and there is a strong correlation between a healthy body, healthy mind connection. You can't think positively and rationally if your health is a train wreck. First things first because you have to start somewhere.

    Do you exercise regularly? Do you eat right? Hydrate / drink plenty of water daily? Become diligent regarding your health because no one can take care of your health except you. Once you get healthy, your mind becomes healthier. You can think straight and clearly which means you'll make sound decisions.

    What is the circle you run in? Do you surround yourself with moral people? Are they very decent human beings? Do they practice common courtesy and common decency? There's an old saying: "If you want to judge a man, look to his friends" which means you are the company you keep. If you're a good judge of character, it stands to reason that you would associate with the same. It's all about character. At the end of the day, nothing else matters and nothing is more enduring.

    Even though you're hard on yourself, the one trait I observe in you already is your humility. You don't know how many prideful and egotistical people there are on this Earth. They're full of themselves, will forever deny their incurable defects, foibles and flaws yet you are humble enough to admit your desire to change. I wish there were more people like you! It's the stupid ones who never admit they need self correction in order to become a decent human being and well liked by many. Unfortunately, I know too many of the latter!

    Whether on the Internet or at your local library, google these words: Empathy, emotional intelligence (EQ), narcissism, gaslighting and sociopaths. Educate yourself in the world of human psychology. You will learn a lot about yourself and others. You will realize who you don't want to be.

    I think you're already headed in the right direction due to your admittance of your faults and desire to sincerely change. Take baby steps. Everyday, you'll be able to look at yourself in the mirror, be proud of who you are and proud yourself for being an improved, honorable person.

    The key to change is not think about yourself. Think of others instead of you. Become selfless. Take the focus away from you and onto others. Put others before you. Put yourself in other people's shoes. This is what empathy means. Once you shift focus away from you and onto others, you're already on the right path to self improvement.

    Know that Rome wasn't built in a day. Make each day count and know you are special. Concentrate and focus on yourself with your health, selfless attitude when interacting with others and do what you enjoy.

    You'll become a positive person by taking charge of your life and controlling yourself admirably. Change is being humble and quiet. Have impeccable manners, be conscientious, polite, exercise self control even during difficult situations, learn to walk away if need be, take the higher road, be the bigger person and have class. Become a role model. Carry yourself with the quality of your character.

    Do the above and over time, you will feel grateful, humble and secure.

    You've made bad choices which we all do. Your wisdom came when you realized you wanted 'to take the bull by the horns' and do something about yourself. Millions of people never even get that far and fall short. Therefore, they're not well liked, admired nor respected.

    This is a trick I've since learned. Think of the people whom you truly admire and respect. What type of a person are they? What do they do which is worthy of your attention and respect? Emulate them. Then you become one of them. It took me a long time to figure this out. I didn't like myself either back in the day. Then I began to think of all the people whom I wanted to be similar to in character and personality. You will learn to become poised, possess aplomb, humility and get down-to-earth. It's a gradual process and doesn't happen overnight. Be patient. Practice who you want to be and you will be the type of person who will be respected. Remember 'The Golden Rule.' "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

    Change the way you think, organize your thoughts, be the type of person you would like to be and over time, you will evolve and transform into a person whom you would admire in yourself. You will attract those who are like you; birds of a feather flock together.

    Be smart, be intelligent. Be a good read of yourself and of others. I admire you for wanting to change for the better and your willingness to take action now.

    Don't be embarrassed. You are sincerely humble enough to want to do something about it. I wish I could say this about several people in my current midst. Unfortunately, it will never happen. You are breaking the vicious cycle in your own way which is commendable.


  6. #5
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    New Jersey
    When is your appointment for an assessment with a therapist? That's step one. As for a victim mentality, the most helpful step I've ever taken was to adopt my own responsibility for my own choices in my interactions with others. This prevents finger pointing and blaming, which puts my focus squarely on my own shoulders for using better judgment as I move forward. That's important, because it builds confidence and removes fears of being at the mercy of other people's lousy judgment. I set my internal trust meter to a neutral 5 on a scale of 1 to 10 when I meet people, then I observe and allow them to demonstrate over time whether I'll invest more trust or withdraw trust and walk away.

    So beyond victimhood, what are the aspects of yourself that you want to change? Start by replacing the default voice you run in your head with the voice of an encouraging coach. This is a habit change that's foundational to all other habit changes because it builds you UP rather than discouraging yourself.

    I agree with Cherylyn that recognition and admission of our faults is the key to changing them, and you're on the right track.

    Head high.

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