Career Advice; Dealing with depression in a toxic workplace

I've been working at the same place I began my career about 4 years ago. It wasn't the easiest job to work through. It's highly stressful and management can be difficult to work with. At times I feel there is workplace bullying and mistreatment. However, over the years I've learned to just perservere through it. My contract for my job is coming to an end. I recently received another job offer in a place that's 9 hours away from home. It's a bigger city and the pay would be about 8k more. However, when I reached out to former employees and a person who works there they described the place as a similar toxic culture I'm currently dealing with. Basically saying there is low morale, people are overworked and underpaid. One woman I spoke with told me how she would never go back and work there again. Another girl described it a bit better as a more positive place but she ended up leaving after a year and went into a different industry. The negative comments scared me because I struggle with depression and anxiety. I had to be hospitalized last year after a suicide attempt. I've been doing better, but I'm worried a new place could trigger me back to a dark place.

I'd be doing the same thing I do at my current job. It's tough and hard to get by each day while working because the job isn't easy. I feel it would be the same scenareo just in a new place. Like same thing different place. Being away from family and dealing with a possible toxic environment scares me. I know every job comes with stress and its ups and downs, but it's even more difficult when you deal with mistreatment and are stuck under contract for a few years.

I have to decide if I want to stay at my current workplace and ride it out for a few more years, or move on to another place. The pros with my current job is I'm home. I would be promoted within the company and also I know I'm able to take some time off without any issues. The new place wouldn't be as easy doing that, but I would be in a bigger area and it could help me grow and advance in my overall career.

They are both contract work so either way I'd be stuck at both places I'm not to thrilled about. I hope I don't sound negative. I am grateful for each opportunity I just know how the industry is and how it's trigged and played a part in some of my depression and some dark moments in my past, I've looked at other fields but so far no luck. I can't afford to not to work. I guess I'm just asking for advice on what to do. Should I take a chance and move to a bigger place, where some employees have stated they're not happy at, or should I stay at my current workplace ? I feel like I'm missing out on a good opportunity, but something about it just doesn't feel right to me.

Please help.

I wouldn’t move to a city 9 hours away to a job if people told me it’s just as toxic as my current workplace, but that’s just me.

Regardless of what you do, it’s very helpful to have a clear strategy and goals that will help you focus and be prepared when looking for other work. People often aimlessly apply for jobs and wonder why they aren’t successful... in reality it takes a lot of planning and structure to find opportunities that will be a fit for them.

I'd stay with your current job since you say the other job is the same thing with the same stress. You need to ask yourself if being 9 hours away from family and the same stress is worth 8k more. It doesn't sound like a great opportunity if you'll be miserable there.

You've mentioned that if you stay at your current workplace, ride it out a few more years, you would be promoted from within and take some time off without any issues. A win win IMHO.

You need to weigh what is most important to you. Move to a bigger area, grow and advance in your overall career while being miserable or take the lesser of two evils and remain where you are.

The grass isn't always greener on the other side. I'm more conservative with my actions.

It's a gamble to jump ship. However, there are times you must tolerate stress and misery at the workplace in order to get what you want such as bigger area, grow and advance in your career. It's a risk. People who've taken a giant leap of faith sometimes succeed so it's ultimately your call. No pain no gain.

Would being promoted within your current company move you out of range of those you don't like?

What's the field you're in?

I think your history might make a 9 hour move away from family too risky for 8K, especially since your expenses would likely skyrocket past that. Moving is expensive, and so is setting up a household.

+1 for I would not do it

I moved 5 hours away from home 10+ years ago for my career. It’s tough. There are definitely days where you wonder what the heck you did and if it’s all worth it... and frankly, I don’t have issues with anxiety or depression, I moved for a clear promotion and I had family nearby. And it was still very hard.

I agree that the 8k will easily get eaten up by moving expenses - and if you are in a bigger city, the cost of living is likely higher.

I’m not saying you should never move - in fact, I’m quite happy - but it doesn’t sound like this is the right opportunity and given your circumstances, it’s good to have a support network nearby.

My vote would be to stay where you are, move up, stabilize your life a bit and then decide to move if the right opportunity presents itself.

Thanks for the advice! I am leaning more towards staying home and working on myself. However, I'm scared that this might be an opportunity that I'm going to miss out on. It appears some people who work at the job , I was recently offered, move up to bigger and better paying positions. How can I get my mind off of missing out on an opportunity and letting fear and anxiety consume me? sometimes I question if it's my mental illness holding me back or if I'm thinking rationally. Again,I'm not exactly happy at the job I'm at now. I think my biggest thing is that I've seen people leave my current job and move on to what appears to be better jobs and I'm still stuck in the same position. It can be a bit overwhelming and make me question what I'm doing with my life or that I'm not working towards my full potential.All of my mentors and friends are telling me I should spread my wings and go somewhere new and try it out. However, no one truly knows my struggles of depression and anxiety. I get scared because sometimes when I go into full panic mood I don't think clearly. That's what happened last year when I was deeply depressed. Things have finally started to feel normal now, but I never want to be in that place again. I'm so scared something new would bring me to that position again.

Are you seeing anyone or receiving treatment for your depression and anxiety? Your thought patterns suggest you are really struggling with anxious thoughts. Anxiety is usually triggered by increasing (perceived) pressure from a source and I think your source is coming from your own home. You mentioned you worry about not working to your full potential. What is your idea of your full potential? Try exploring what that means in the big picture and ask yourself whose ideas you've adopted regarding your "full potential". You should understand that these are constructs and ideas. Some might call them beliefs. They are the same thing. It's a belief of yourself you've constructed as good or bad.

You are your own worst enemy with anxious thoughts. Deconstruct those ideas and perceived notions of what good and bad means in relation to you and your future and ask yourself what full potential or lacking in full potential means. Roll up your sleeves and get right up to your elbows in it and get to know yourself a bit more. Do some soul searching and ask yourself what matters to you. I think your end goals are clouded and you may have adopted someone else's ideas of what you should be doing with your life.

Don't allow your depression and anxiety to cause impulsive decision making. As others have mentioned, think about your moving expenses and higher rent in a bigger city which will easily swallow up 8k or surpass it not to mention higher crime rates regarding your safety. There's more to consider here than instant gratification such as moving up, higher pay and better opportunities. Also, beware because your friends don't tell you everything. Many times, their boastful and glowing remarks make them look good enough to feel tempted to jump ship at the expense of your current longer term security. Stand back and look at the big picture such as job stability, settled / established at the workplace, strong potential to move up within and nearby family support which is priceless. Don't make rash decisions. Think things through and do what is best in terms of practicality.

I also wanted to mention how I am seeing a therapist, but at times I don't know if he gives me the right advice. He said I should take the opportunity and experience something new and it would be a great opportunity and that I can see how things are for myself and not to listen to what other people had to say about the job. My parents think it's best if I stayed home. The also worry about me and understanding what I've struggled with. I guess my indecisiveness is showing me that I have a bigger problem I need to work through. Anxiety really sucks and I hate how hard it is for me to make decisions.

Another reason why I'm hesitant is because with anxiety ; I need structure. The whole job process was a bit different for me. I had two phone interviews, the next day they offered me the job and I was in the process of negotiating with them and I let them know that I could make a final decision once I got a chance to visit the area. They didn't want to fly me out or anything until they knew I was committed to taking the job . I didn't hear back for 2 weeks from them then they gave me a final offer and set up a time to meet them. Which they've only been able to schedule me to meet them in 2 weeks, but the thing is my current job needs to know if I'm staying soon and have given me a deadline which is Monday. I don't necessarily like the process that was given to me at the new job ; just seemed a bit unorganized and all over the place. My contract ends at the end of July at my current job and the new place is looking at a start date for the second week in august. I've never moved anywhere before so I don't even know how the go about getting things in order if I only have less than a month to look into it.

I plan on staying at my current job. I feel really nervous declining their offer after I seemed interested in it and had them schedule to fly me out soon. I don't want to burn bridges. I thought I would be ready to move but now that the opportunity has presented myself I'm backing out. I fear I won't ever get another opportunity to make a big jump like this again

How can I cure this anxiety and depression ? I've dealt with this my whole life I'm 26 and I always thought things would get better over time, but I still feel the same way. I just want to be normal and for once make the best decisions I feel comfortable with.

How can we help you when you'll only speak in generalities rather than specifics? The term 'abusive' is extreme language. How can we know whether your workplace is actually abusive, or just what you don't like? Your suicide attempt means that you're fragile and think in extremes--because that's about as extreme as it gets. So limiting the support you get here to generalities means that we can't speak from an understanding beyond abstractions.

In what ways is your current job abusive? Because if it truly is, your contract is fulfilled, and you are free to move into a different workplace. Can you work elsewhere in your field that wouldn't require a 9 hour move? We don't know, because you won't tell us your field. Can you work a different kind of job? Have you considered working through temp agencies that can place you in different work cultures to try them out, find the best fit, and then apply for better jobs from within? Is additional schooling or training an option?

We don't know enough to offer anything but platitudes and wild guesses about combining a 9 hour distance from family with the fragility that has prompted a suicide attempt versus the opportunity to remain in a place you describe as abusive, and we don't even know how much of that was a factor in your suicide attempt.

You present only 2 choices that both sound lousy, as opposed to a multitude of other options we don't even know if you've considered because you won't speak in specifics.

I don't intend to be harsh, but you're limiting any feedback to parameters that don't sound inspiring, even while the world potentially offers so much more beyond such a narrow laser focus. Do you want to explore any of that?

Help us to help you.

Have you followed up with a medical doctor and psychiatrist? When was your last complete check up from a physician? It sounds like you're not out of the woods yet with the severity of your mental health. Give yourself a break and be easier on yourself.

If talk therapy is not working and giving you conflicting messages it's time to take care of your health and go to a physician. If you feel or your parents feel you are too fragile right now to not only take a new job but move out on your own as well as 9 hours from any family, friends support systems etc, then a move would be disastrous. Get on LinkedIn, update your profile, start looking for local jobs.

I had to be hospitalized last year after a suicide attempt. I've been doing better, but I'm worried a new place could trigger me back to a dark place.