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Thread: Disappointment in life

  1. #1
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    Disappointment in life

    The past few months I've been reflecting about my life. I've been thinking intro- and retrospectively what I value in life, which direction I want to go et cetera. I've come to the conclusion I'm just disappointed in life. In specific I'm disappointed how everything that can be deemed as worthwhile or important just doesn't seem that interesting to me. The pursuit of a good career, fun hobbies, travelling, love, or basically anything else that motivates people to live their life don't appeal to me. Happiness or excitement has never lasted for me, ever since the starting of adolescence I've been drifting through life. Even when really looking at the happiest moments in my life they felt lackluster. And once those happy peaks disappear, the baseline becomes that of general disappointment.

    Yeah, it might be depression talking. However, I don't think that is what's bothering me. I've been treated for depression and PTSD before and I've learned to identify the signs. There could be an underlying personality disorder or whatever. I'm not depressed, I'm simply disappointed. And as I'm thinking this a whole host of from the past is suddenly creeping up again. From physical abuse by men who dated my mother, an instance of sexual abuse by another guy dating my mother, a few years of getting bullied/isolated in secondary school and the alcoholism of both my parents + borderline personality disorder of my mother. All these things influenced me to be what I am today.

    From the outside I'm a typical fun guy to be around nowadays. Average to good looking, charismatic, humorous, calm and rather intelligent. I have quite a few good friends and I'm almost done with my master's programme. The people I've gone into detail about my past were surprised about how I act in everyday life. Of course they expected something was up due to moments where cynicism ripples through the fašade of being content. And that's probably where the problem can be found. Everything feels fake and hollow to me. If I feel love, I'm not sure if it's really love or just an artificial creation I made for myself just because I want to feel it. The same goes for happiness and basically every positive feeling. This does not mean my resulting actions are different from the "real thing". For example, my exgf always felt like I loved her very much (which is true, I'm just not sure how pure it is). Now the sad feelings have always felt real. And this makes me disappointed, which also at the very least feels real.

    I'm not sure what to do. Go to therapy again, I guess it can't hurt. It might be worthwhile to explore possible personality disorders. End it all? Well, that decision would stem from a logical perspective and not an emotional one. I don't see the need for it, though the thought comes up more often that I'd like to admit. Hope it'll change, even though I've felt like this since I became an adolescent.

  2. #2
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    I suggest therapy, again. You need to get to the bottom of this.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Welcome to the real world. I'm perma-disappointed most of the time also. Take it with a pinch of salt and don't overanalyze. There will always be things that don't happen the way you want it to. It doesn't mean it can't be appreciated in other ways.

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    You are definitely depressed. Not having motivation and not finding a source of contentment is absolutely depression. You need help, stat. You need to get in touch with a therapist ASAP.

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    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Glad to hear that you're open to considering therapy again. Depression can present in different ways over a lifespan. It's not a 'mood,' it's a chemical condition that depresses your whole system, which can rob you of enthusiasm and motivation, and as you've learned, it can be treated. That just doesn't mean that it can't come back again.

    I'd make it a priority to see a therapist for an assessment. People tend to relegate their mental health to the back of their list of practical concerns, but what could be more practical than your quality of life?

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    I think going to therapy again would be a good idea. You could print your exact comment and bring it with you to talk about it. A professional can help you get to the root of these thoughts and give you everyday tactics to deal with this. You sound very intelligent and analytical, and those are strong, good, positive attributes but I think they have a negative flip-side which I have seen in many people before, which can make a person depressed. It sounds to me like you are looking so much at the big picture of life, and that's a lot to deal with. Most people cannot even comprehend the vastness of life and if they did, they might also feel overwhelmingly disappointed, too. But ultimately, you deserve to be hopeful and motivated to live your life; not to live like this, so full of disappointment.

    I wonder if it would make sense to start practicing something that will help you focus on smaller ideas, smaller moments, specific relationships and goals. I still think a professional counselor would help you but what do you think about practicing focusing on specific, small goals?

    Example: You could start volunteering one day a week in some place that holds a slight interest, or a place where you have strengths that could be useful to someone else. And think of that goal - to lend your strengths to others for a few hours a week - not as a way to make yourself happy or satisfied but just to do it, that's it. And start there.

    What are some of your specific, concrete, practical strengths or skills?

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    After a breakup it's quite common to be despondent. Some short term therapy may help you sort all that out. Keep in mind that sadness and depression are not always the same thing. Some of the earlier signs of depression are apathy, ruminating, etc. Very few people who have personality disorders think they have personality disorders, because the sine qua non is a lack of insight.

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    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    Unless a 'therapist' can prescribe anti-depressants, I think you need to be referred to a medical doctor. I'm not sure that your level of despondency can be cured by some talk sessions.

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    Platinum Member WithLove's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    Welcome to the real world. I'm perma-disappointed most of the time also. Take it with a pinch of salt and don't overanalyze. There will always be things that don't happen the way you want it to. It doesn't mean it can't be appreciated in other ways.
    Mood


    But seriously, maybe you could try a different type of therapy, like a life coach or something like that.

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    Originally Posted by SarahLancaster
    Unless a 'therapist' can prescribe anti-depressants, I think you need to be referred to a medical doctor. I'm not sure that your level of despondency can be cured by some talk sessions.
    I wonder if sometimes people on here use the terms "counselor" "therapist" and "psychiatrist" interchangeably. I know that the term "therapy" to me could mean seeing a licensed counselor or a Doctorate of Psychiatry. So, there is a range of professionals and some can most certainly prescribe medication. But even those who cannot, usually they are trained to make referrals if they think it's necessary.

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