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Thread: Is it my fault?!

  1. #1
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    Is it my fault?!

    So I met this chick and started dating her, a month later I got in trouble and caught a drug charge that had me facing some time. I told her about it and told her then you can stick with me through it all or we can just call it quits. She decided to stick by with me as long as I didnít have to go for more than a year. Even moved in with me, let her drive my car as hers was a POS. Took her places like Chicago and Hawaii. Fast forward to a year later, I was notified by my lawyer that I was going to be incarcerated for 5-6 months. She said she was going to be by my side and be here for me.

    First week was fine. We talked everyday, everything seemed okay. I got transferred to a new prison and was only allowed 15 mins to use a phone a week. She wrote me letters at first how much she loved, me missed me, how I completed her blah blah. Then a month later she started accusing me of hiding something because I was snap chatting females I went to school with ( trade school) I can personally say I was 100% faithful and never did anything behind her back.

    Then a month later I get a letter how she canít love someone else until she loves herself (bull crap) and she ended up telling me she was moving out the next time we spoke on the phone. I asked her what that meant for our relationship. She didnít want to give me an answer and when I insisted she said we werenít together. At the time I got a feeling of relief, I wasnít stressed it made doing my time easier.

    During our relationship we had our phones set so we can see our location. Well I had my mom check her location and she was at a city weíll call Gotham city. We never went there, didnít know anyone. Hmmm.

    I proceed to not contact her after, and three or four weeks later she asks my mom if I can call her. I call her we talk casually once or twice a week. Says sheís doing good, hasnít slept with anyone but is talking to people. Then she asked me to use my car a trip almost 2k miles round trip. LOL I didnít fall for that one. I wanted to tell her to get a rental and Iíll cover her grandparents expenses ( i was really close with her grandparents) so when I called she had a ty attitude with me and I hung up and never called her again. I wrote a letter to her that I guess made her upset or mad Iím not sure and she wanted me to call her but I didnít. I wrote another letter because her grandmother insisted.

    Fast forward I get released after 5.5 months and Iím blocked on social media, everything. I had 2 Facebook accounts one which was deactivated while I was gone and thatís where I saw today sheís in a relationship. Just so happens heís from Gotham city the place she was at a couple months after my incarceration.

    I thought she needed to love her self first? I know I didnít make things right by putting myself in a position to be incarcerated, but she said sheíd stay by and she knew what I was facing. Why do it all after I go away? Why not tell me straight up you found someone not bull crap like you need to love yourself? Questions Iíll never get the answer to.

    Iím just very bitter and upset at the disloyalty. I can honestly say I wouldnít take her back but Iíll always have a soft spot for her.

    Sorry, had to vent somewhere lol

  2. #2
    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
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    It's 100% your fault that you were incarcerated for drug charges. No one should be expected to stick around while someone does time, especially not in a new relationship. I also think you painted yourself as a saint in this post, and I question if your Snapchat behavior was actually innocent.

    She moved on quickly, but you really need to stop stalking her online. It's totally inappropriate to try to track who she is seeing or where she is now that the two of you are no longer together.

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    thank you for your reply. It was 100% my fault I got locked up yes. But she was with it the whole time. And my Snapchat activity was 100% innocent. I have nothing to hide to people online just want honest answers. We weíre together a total of 13 months before I got locked up.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
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    My answer was honest. I'm not sure what you want people to say to you. I think it was in bad taste that she claimed she would stick around and didn't, but the relationship is over now. The best choice you could make would be to completely cut off any information source you have about her life and work on moving on.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Whenever relationships end, it doesn't always make sense to you. However way she worded it was her way of letting you know, it's over. No sense questioning why's? It just is that's why. You don't have to like the way she treated you. However, you must accept it.

    I agree with SGH. It was unrealistic for you to expect her to "stand by her man" for better or for worse. It is usual for relationships to deteriorate once life is no longer smooth and content.

    Your snap chat was with females was considered flirtatious and she didn't appreciate your charming ways even though you thought it was harmless. Sincere loyalty and devotion is when you are honorable when no one is looking over your shoulder.

    Absence doesn't make the heart grow fonder. To the contrary, too much absence causes two people to drift apart which is inevitable. Don't be so shocked about the Gotham city guy. Your relationship with her would've disintegrated eventually anyway.

    Don't be surprised by human nature, their foibles, rudeness, inappropriateness and disrespect. It happens everywhere everyday with people whom you have contact with whether it's family, relatives, in-laws, people whom you thought were your friends, acquaintances and colleagues. Grow accustomed to it because this world is very harsh and mean.

    Having said that, don't allow people to defeat you, smash your spirit, give you low self esteem and take away your confidence. Rise above it, learn this is the world we live in, become wiser than the past and navigate your life shrewdly and prudently.

    Try to dissolve the soft spot for her because your hurt feelings, confusion and pain will continue to fester. You need to move on, heal and recover. Give yourself time. It could take months for your memories of her to become a blur.

    You can turn your life around. Consider the past, the past and start anew. Change the way you think, be honest with yourself, humble and be a decent human being. You're not a bad person. You've just made bad mistakes and poor choices. Now is the time to have a conscience, use it, carry on and move forward.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Also don't surround yourself with bad influences. Your friends and the circle you run with are your future. Become a different person and a person whom you can look in the mirror everyday. Be proud and grateful for your efforts to improve your lot in life.

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    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Just let it go. Hanging on to the past is not worth it. There are good people, there are bad people. You take a risk just like everyone else. It's no one's fault it's over. It just simply is. It will continue to be your fault if you start spiraling out into bitterness. Leave this behind and start living better.

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    Cherylyn thank you so much for your post. Itís helping me gain understanding and I love seeing others view points.

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    Rose, thatís 100% where Iím focused at right now. Want to learn a trade. Thank you for your reply

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Put your heart and soul into it then. Don't lose hope or faith in yourself. I think sometimes when we feel wronged, we focus on the lack of humanity and feeling of betrayal. The real work is actually adjusting to a new reality and a new experience under your belt. This means acknowledging yourself, your own mistakes, your hand in everything, acknowledging and owning your actions and everything you've done from your romantic relationships to any other endeavour you've ever done and everything you're about to do now that you're making a decision to change your life. Allocating fault shouldn't play a part in this equation anymore. More acceptance, more ownership, more harmony, more positive growth and plans ahead.

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