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So I met this chick and started dating her, a month later I got in trouble and caught a drug charge that had me facing some time. I told her about it and told her then you can stick with me through it all or we can just call it quits. She decided to stick by with me as long as I didn’t have to go for more than a year. Even moved in with me, let her drive my car as hers was a POS. Took her places like Chicago and Hawaii. Fast forward to a year later, I was notified by my lawyer that I was going to be incarcerated for 5-6 months. She said she was going to be by my side and be here for me.

 

First week was fine. We talked everyday, everything seemed okay. I got transferred to a new prison and was only allowed 15 mins to use a phone a week. She wrote me letters at first how much she loved, me missed me, how I completed her blah blah. Then a month later she started accusing me of hiding something because I was snap chatting females I went to school with ( trade school) I can personally say I was 100% faithful and never did anything behind her back.

 

Then a month later I get a letter how she can’t love someone else until she loves herself (bull crap) and she ended up telling me she was moving out the next time we spoke on the phone. I asked her what that meant for our relationship. She didn’t want to give me an answer and when I insisted she said we weren’t together. At the time I got a feeling of relief, I wasn’t stressed it made doing my time easier.

 

During our relationship we had our phones set so we can see our location. Well I had my mom check her location and she was at a city we’ll call Gotham city. We never went there, didn’t know anyone. Hmmm.

 

I proceed to not contact her after, and three or four weeks later she asks my mom if I can call her. I call her we talk casually once or twice a week. Says she’s doing good, hasn’t slept with anyone but is talking to people. Then she asked me to use my car a trip almost 2k miles round trip. LOL I didn’t fall for that one. I wanted to tell her to get a rental and I’ll cover her grandparents expenses ( i was really close with her grandparents) so when I called she had a ty attitude with me and I hung up and never called her again. I wrote a letter to her that I guess made her upset or mad I’m not sure and she wanted me to call her but I didn’t. I wrote another letter because her grandmother insisted.

 

Fast forward I get released after 5.5 months and I’m blocked on social media, everything. I had 2 Facebook accounts one which was deactivated while I was gone and that’s where I saw today she’s in a relationship. Just so happens he’s from Gotham city the place she was at a couple months after my incarceration.

 

I thought she needed to love her self first? I know I didn’t make things right by putting myself in a position to be incarcerated, but she said she’d stay by and she knew what I was facing. Why do it all after I go away? Why not tell me straight up you found someone not bull crap like you need to love yourself? Questions I’ll never get the answer to.

 

I’m just very bitter and upset at the disloyalty. I can honestly say I wouldn’t take her back but I’ll always have a soft spot for her.

 

Sorry, had to vent somewhere lol

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It's 100% your fault that you were incarcerated for drug charges. No one should be expected to stick around while someone does time, especially not in a new relationship. I also think you painted yourself as a saint in this post, and I question if your Snapchat behavior was actually innocent.

 

She moved on quickly, but you really need to stop stalking her online. It's totally inappropriate to try to track who she is seeing or where she is now that the two of you are no longer together.

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thank you for your reply. It was 100% my fault I got locked up yes. But she was with it the whole time. And my Snapchat activity was 100% innocent. I have nothing to hide to people online just want honest answers. We we’re together a total of 13 months before I got locked up.

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My answer was honest. I'm not sure what you want people to say to you. I think it was in bad taste that she claimed she would stick around and didn't, but the relationship is over now. The best choice you could make would be to completely cut off any information source you have about her life and work on moving on.

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Whenever relationships end, it doesn't always make sense to you. However way she worded it was her way of letting you know, it's over. No sense questioning why's? It just is that's why. You don't have to like the way she treated you. However, you must accept it.

 

I agree with SGH. It was unrealistic for you to expect her to "stand by her man" for better or for worse. It is usual for relationships to deteriorate once life is no longer smooth and content.

 

Your snap chat was with females was considered flirtatious and she didn't appreciate your charming ways even though you thought it was harmless. Sincere loyalty and devotion is when you are honorable when no one is looking over your shoulder.

 

Absence doesn't make the heart grow fonder. To the contrary, too much absence causes two people to drift apart which is inevitable. Don't be so shocked about the Gotham city guy. Your relationship with her would've disintegrated eventually anyway.

 

Don't be surprised by human nature, their foibles, rudeness, inappropriateness and disrespect. It happens everywhere everyday with people whom you have contact with whether it's family, relatives, in-laws, people whom you thought were your friends, acquaintances and colleagues. Grow accustomed to it because this world is very harsh and mean.

 

Having said that, don't allow people to defeat you, smash your spirit, give you low self esteem and take away your confidence. Rise above it, learn this is the world we live in, become wiser than the past and navigate your life shrewdly and prudently.

 

Try to dissolve the soft spot for her because your hurt feelings, confusion and pain will continue to fester. You need to move on, heal and recover. Give yourself time. It could take months for your memories of her to become a blur.

 

You can turn your life around. Consider the past, the past and start anew. Change the way you think, be honest with yourself, humble and be a decent human being. You're not a bad person. You've just made bad mistakes and poor choices. Now is the time to have a conscience, use it, carry on and move forward.

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Also don't surround yourself with bad influences. Your friends and the circle you run with are your future. Become a different person and a person whom you can look in the mirror everyday. Be proud and grateful for your efforts to improve your lot in life.

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Just let it go. Hanging on to the past is not worth it. There are good people, there are bad people. You take a risk just like everyone else. It's no one's fault it's over. It just simply is. It will continue to be your fault if you start spiraling out into bitterness. Leave this behind and start living better.

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Put your heart and soul into it then. Don't lose hope or faith in yourself. I think sometimes when we feel wronged, we focus on the lack of humanity and feeling of betrayal. The real work is actually adjusting to a new reality and a new experience under your belt. This means acknowledging yourself, your own mistakes, your hand in everything, acknowledging and owning your actions and everything you've done from your romantic relationships to any other endeavour you've ever done and everything you're about to do now that you're making a decision to change your life. Allocating fault shouldn't play a part in this equation anymore. More acceptance, more ownership, more harmony, more positive growth and plans ahead.

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It was probably too much for her to handle , an incarcerated bf , perhaps the reality of it all only dawned on her when it actually became real.

Was it possession or dealing?

Are you using drugs ?

Have you cleaned up?

 

You pretty much knew the relationship was over before your release. So I guess all you can do now is be the better you and put it down to a regular break up where one was not as invested as the other.

 

Don’t contact her or her family. Just focus on you !

Good luck!

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This is just me but I'd let go gently, yes. They will understand that you need to move on with your life. Staying in touch with her relatives is just one subconscious way you're trying to hang on to her and to your past without fully healing and moving on. You're not doing yourself any favours.

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Hey OP... I hope you have learned something from your situation, no judgment here I have a shady past myself as do many of my friends. I had a friend who was dating someone that she knew previously that ended up in prison... for much the same thing as you but a more serious charge... she had been in love with her for a number of years and thought it would be easy to just wait and go visit once in awhile and support her... she didn't realize how much prison changes people, or how difficult it would be having a relationship with someone that she couldn't have any physical contact with... in the end she let it go for those reasons.

 

My point is... it's not about fault, it's about realizing that our choices have consequences and that the consequence here was the end of your relationship. You talk about loyalty, however you miss the point that your choice to commit the crime was selfish and self-seeking and got in the way of your relationship with her.

 

Focus on bettering your life, getting clean / sober, getting an education / employment, and start looking for opportunities to give back to your community in some way. That will attract the type of people that will be loyal and stand by you and will enable you to offer the same to them.

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She should have been done with you after she found out about the charge. Convict and drug dealer spell no future. Get your sh*t together. You are poisoning your community.

 

 

Think about getting an education and becoming a productive citizen. Would you want your sister or daughter to date someone like you?

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Don't hate her, Jeremy - in relationships, people have needs - they need regular attention, affection, Friday night dates....... It's impossible to do that when you are away.

 

If you want a relationship that lasts, for best results, you have to see them / date them regularly. That's the rule.

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You were allowed to snapchat in prison? That seems odd.

 

I think you are both at fault. You made poor choices and had to do time. That put a strain on your relationship.

She committed to you and didn't stay true to her promise. That just plain stinks.

 

Fault, however, isn't what you should focus on. What you need to be worried about right now is making sure you don't do anything that would jeopardize your parole. Let her go. Think fondly of the time you had with her, but remember that you and she just didn't work out.

 

And dude--stay off of snapchat. Nothing good comes from that. Seriously. Unless you are taking filtered pictures of yourself (which is kind of bizarre anyway, given that you are an adult). If you don't want a text message to be around for more than 30 seconds, you shouldn't be writing it at all.

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Thank you for all the responses. Luckily I’m not on probation or parole. I haven’t made any attempts to contact her as it would lead to no where. I wouldn’t take her back so no reason. And to clarify I wasn’t snap chatting in prison, I was snap chatting friends while out and around her. There was never anything there, it was simply her guilty conscience as she was messing around. I mean I got a letter from her saying she can’t love anyone until she loves herself, yet she was messing around with this guy. Just seems so messed up but ey I got played, happens to everyone.

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