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Thread: Not Sure What To Do

  1. #1
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    Not Sure What To Do

    I'm in a relationship with my partner for just over 10 years. We've been up and down over the years. Anyway, I found messages on his phone from a person that he said he hasn't been in contact with for 8 years. This person was rumoured to of had an affair with him 8 years ago, which he denied. Anyway he said he doesn't know how the messages got on his phone as he hasn't seen nor heard from the person in 8 years. He then deleted the messages. He actually said the number belonged to his mum's friend before I phoned it up and found out it was this girl. he said he was shocked it was her number. These messages were on a private message on a cheap phone that I had to unlock. We've seperated, but he keeps telling me that he has no clue how the messages got there. The messages that I saw were not sexual, but very friendly such as hanging out etc. He now keeps on about wanting to take a lie detector test to prove he's innocent. I love him, and I want to believe him, but I keep thinking that messages don't just appear on your phone. I'm not sure what to do. Help need advice. I'm confused. His story I don't think makes sense.

    Marie.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
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    Messages don't just appear on a phone. His lies are weak and you know it. You were right to separate from him. I know you're in pain and probably scared to move forward without him, but don't second guess your decision. You stood up for yourself and what you need in a relationship! I really respect that and hope you keep looking for a partner who will give you the treatment you deserve.

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    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Were the messages on his phone or on a cheap phone you had to unlock? The story is unclear to me. You said both. Because of that I can't rule out that someone may actually be sabotaging your relationship. I wouldn't dream it if it hadn't happened to me. You should get down to the facts (make sure you clarify where this evidence or information is coming from).

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    Originally Posted by bizzare
    I'm in a relationship with my partner for just over 10 years. We've been up and down over the years. Anyway, I found messages on his phone from a person that he said he hasn't been in contact with for 8 years. This person was rumoured to of had an affair with him 8 years ago, which he denied. Anyway he said he doesn't know how the messages got on his phone as he hasn't seen nor heard from the person in 8 years. He then deleted the messages. He actually said the number belonged to his mum's friend before I phoned it up and found out it was this girl. he said he was shocked it was her number. These messages were on a private message on a cheap phone that I had to unlock. We've seperated, but he keeps telling me that he has no clue how the messages got there. The messages that I saw were not sexual, but very friendly such as hanging out etc. He now keeps on about wanting to take a lie detector test to prove he's innocent. I love him, and I want to believe him, but I keep thinking that messages don't just appear on your phone. I'm not sure what to do. Help need advice. I'm confused. His story I don't think makes sense.

    Marie.
    Phones do strange things sometimes, but this is fishy.

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  6. #5
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    He is full of crap, OP.

    Why delete the messages if he's innocent? They could have been evidence of his innocence, if they were truly platonic and not from his rumored affair partner. Also, how would he know the messages are from his mum's friend if he previously had "no idea" how the messages appeared there?

    It doesn't make sense because it's not true. You know it, and he knows it. I don't see what a polygraph will tell you that you don't already know, deep-down, but heck - call his bluff and book an appointment if you want. My guess is that he will suddenly come up with an excuse not to take it.

    I have the impression things haven't been good for a while between you two, though. Where did you find this phone? How had your relationship been going leading up to this discovery?

  7. 06-26-2019, 05:20 AM

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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    Were the messages on his phone or on a cheap phone you had to unlock? The story is unclear to me. You said both. Because of that I can't rule out that someone may actually be sabotaging your relationship. I wouldn't dream it if it hadn't happened to me. You should get down to the facts (make sure you clarify where this evidence or information is coming from).
    It's a cheap phone, not a smart phone. The messages were locked where I had to put in a password to retrieve them. My ex partner that I have huge feelings for keeps talking about lie detector saying that he hasn't been in contact with this person. I keep telling him that you don't just get messages on your phone, you must of shared phone numbers etc, but he keeps denying it. Should I let him take lie detector. it's going to cost him a lot of money. We have two young children together. He's a great dad.

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    How can i ensure that their relationship is real? I have no evidence. The phone messages are gone. The girl is now not picking up the phone to talk to me. I've basically got my eyes of what I saw, and my partner's word. I want to believe him, but I can't see how he's telling me the truth. If you haven't seen someone for 8 years, how do you get each others number? He seems to be begging me not to break up until he takes a lie detector. He told me to let him prove his innocence, but I don't even know how reliable a lie detector is. I asked him why he deleted the messages, he said when there's problems in his life he does crazy stuff. For example is a bill turns up he'll rip it up because of the stress etc.

  10. #8
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    Why does he have a cheap not smart phone in his possession? That he clearly has kept up payment for even if only pay as you go?
    Of course he is bluffing re a lie detector! Who even actually does that? He is saying that hoping its enough to convince you.
    Call his bluff! Tell him you found someone willing to do it for a mere letís say $100. And that you are willing to pay it.
    Say you have arranged an appointment for x date.

    Really you know the answer and no lie detector needed.
    OR if it was all innocent , your trust issues are out of the park.
    Either way, this relationship is not good and you know that.

    What proof do you actually need in order to walk away?

  11. #9
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this is going on. Why has it been "up and down". Of course you realize he's lying about all this. Does he lie about other things? Have you separated before? Was this time about these messages?
    Originally Posted by bizzare
    We've been up and down over the years. He actually said the number belonged to his mum's friend before I phoned it up and found out it was this girl. he said he was shocked it was her number.

  12. #10
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Sorry to hear this is going on. Why has it been "up and down". Of course you realize he's lying about all this. Does he lie about other things? Have you separated before? Was this time about these messages?
    he suffers depression, which can sometimes make his moods up and down. He's a lovely generous person though. I have trusted him because he doesn't like people's company too much and because I just couldn't see him cheating on me. He always said I was the one for him etc and I believed him. The messages I saw shocked me, not because of the messages, but because who I found out who they were sent to. I don't believe he's lied to me that much in the past. Maybe little white lies, but not nothing worth breaking up for. This on the other hand has destroyed me.

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