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Thread: Not Sure What To Do

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by Billie28
    Why does he have a cheap not smart phone in his possession? That he clearly has kept up payment for even if only pay as you go?
    Of course he is bluffing re a lie detector! Who even actually does that? He is saying that hoping its enough to convince you.
    Call his bluff! Tell him you found someone willing to do it for a mere letís say $100. And that you are willing to pay it.
    Say you have arranged an appointment for x date.

    Really you know the answer and no lie detector needed.
    OR if it was all innocent , your trust issues are out of the park.
    Either way, this relationship is not good and you know that.

    What proof do you actually need in order to walk away?
    He doesn't like the latest technology. He doesn't do facebook etc. I don't have facebook either, so we're like an old fashioned couple, and I liked that. I have no problem with him wanting a cheap phone. He can buy whatever he wants. The phone itself isn't the problem for me, it's the messages. He said he hasn't even seen this girl in the last 8 years. I said to him how did the messages appear then, which he said he doesn't know. When i first brought up the messages, he deleted it saying it must of been his mum's friends number. What he didn't know was that I already recorded the number and later found out it was this girl that caused us a lot of problems years ago.

    He said he's going to pay for the most advanced lie detector. I think he's going to as well.

    I would walk away if he's seen this girl behind my back. This girl caused my whole family hell years ago. He's denying even being in contact with this girl. It's very strange if he's not lying because I can't think of someone receiving multiple messages without actually being in contact. Him deleting the messages and destroying the sim has made this worse for me.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by bizzare
    It's a cheap phone, not a smart phone. The messages were locked where I had to put in a password to retrieve them. My ex partner that I have huge feelings for keeps talking about lie detector saying that he hasn't been in contact with this person. I keep telling him that you don't just get messages on your phone, you must of shared phone numbers etc, but he keeps denying it. Should I let him take lie detector. it's going to cost him a lot of money. We have two young children together. He's a great dad.
    You've already used the term 'ex-partner' to refer to him. This suggests the relationship is over to you. Any further speculation is just white noise and it's you looking for more trouble. Let the relationship go and give yourself time to heal properly if it's a decision you've already made. Whether he continues to be a good father to your kids is a decision that's up to him and something that is out of your control. You cannot control everything after a break up. Find peace in other ways, not speculation and whether or not to use lie detectors.

    Stop arguing with him. It makes you look childish and willing to barter with the devil metaphorically (meaning a situation you've already made a decision in). I am not saying you are childish, per say, but you're appearing very wishy washy and like you're going back and forth on a decision you'd rather not go back on. In other words, you come across as someone that can be taken advantaged of easily. I don't think it's useful to barter with him or give in to anything he says if you don't feel in your gut you're happy or comfortable in the relationship in the first place. Stand your ground if you've already made that decision and stay strong for your kids.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    You've already used the term 'ex-partner' to refer to him. This suggests the relationship is over to you. Any further speculation is just white noise and it's you looking for more trouble. Let the relationship go and give yourself time to heal properly if it's a decision you've already made. Whether he continues to be a good father to your kids is a decision that's up to him and something that is out of your control. You cannot control everything after a break up. Find peace in other ways, not speculation and whether or not to use lie detectors.

    Stop arguing with him. It makes you look childish and willing to barter with the devil metaphorically (meaning a situation you've already made a decision in). I am not saying you are childish, per say, but you're appearing very wishy washy and like you're going back and forth on a decision you'd rather not go back on. In other words, you come across as someone that can be taken advantaged of easily. I don't think it's useful to barter with him or give in to anything he says if you don't feel in your gut you're happy or comfortable in the relationship in the first place. Stand your ground if you've already made that decision and stay strong for your kids.
    I love him. I would never of broken up with him if it wasn't for the messages. If I knew he was telling the truth, I would take him back in a heartbeat. How reliable are lie detectors. I would feel awful in years to come if I ever found out he was telling the truth. I just can't see how messages can appear on a phone without some form of contact. His reaction of deleting the messages and destroying the sim card doesn't look good either.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by bizzare
    His reaction of deleting the messages and destroying the sim card doesn't look good either.
    No, it doesn't. He doesn't want you to discover the extent of his bad behaviour. He knows you would likely find more that he can't try to squirm his way out of.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    The man doth protest too much, methinks
    Originally Posted by bizzare
    He said he's going to pay for the most advanced lie detector. I think he's going to as well.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by bizzare
    I love him. I would never of broken up with him if it wasn't for the messages. If I knew he was telling the truth, I would take him back in a heartbeat. How reliable are lie detectors. I would feel awful in years to come if I ever found out he was telling the truth. I just can't see how messages can appear on a phone without some form of contact. His reaction of deleting the messages and destroying the sim card doesn't look good either.
    It's that part in bold above there that stands out most to me. Maybe you need more time, that's all. More time to absorb and sort things out. Do you mind me asking what kinds of support you have around you (ie. parents, friends, family members)?

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    It's that part in bold above there that stands out most to me. Maybe you need more time, that's all. More time to absorb and sort things out. Do you mind me asking what kinds of support you have around you (ie. parents, friends, family members)?
    I'm blessed to have a very good family that have shown me a lot of support, telling me they would stand by me by whatever decision I make. I love this man, he's also the father of my children. I can't see him cheating, but the messages on the phone and his reaction was certainly bizzare. Am i being naive in having any kind of hope that he's telling me the truth? I really want to believe him, but am scared of letting my feelings for him making a fool out of me. If he cheated and was honest, I could then move on with my life a lot easier, but he's denying everything. I don't want our relationship to end if nothing ever happened. I'm confused, really confused. I don't know the truth.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by bizzare
    Am i being naive in having any kind of hope that he's telling me the truth?
    No, you're being human. It's normal to want to believe that our loved ones have not betrayed us. I have been in your shoes, wanting to think that a former partner of mine wasn't capable of that sort of behaviour.

    However, the evidence here really doesn't suggest he is totally innocent. What sort of problems did you two encounter in the past with this specific woman?

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    No, you're being human. It's normal to want to believe that our loved ones have not betrayed us. I have been in your shoes, wanting to think that a former partner of mine wasn't capable of that sort of behaviour.

    However, the evidence here really doesn't suggest he is totally innocent. What sort of problems did you two encounter in the past with this specific woman?
    This former woman was my best friend. My other friends told me to keep an eye on her because they kept seeing her with my partner. When I confronted my partner about it he told me my friends were lying and that he could never see this woman. I took his word for it, which is why 8 years later I'm shocked that somehow messages from her number is on his phone. Not even I know her number now. The number was not saved on his phone as a contact. He's like I have no idea how these messages got on my phone. I told him I want to believe you, but why did you have to delete the messages etc. He now just keeps talking about a lie detector, telling me i'll prove my innocence.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Why is she no longer your friend? Has she always been a rival or a thorn in your side for some reason? Do you know her through your bf or were you friends before?

    Find and contact her on social media to "catch up". Do not make accusations, just get a sense of things, since you feel the truth is not available from your bf...
    Originally Posted by bizzare
    This former woman was my best friend.My other friends told me to keep an eye on her because they kept seeing her with my partner.

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