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Thread: Dumped at 7 months pregnant

  1. #1
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    Dumped at 7 months pregnant

    My boyfriend of 9 years decided to end the relationship and Iím 7 months pregnant...

    Before I got pregnant, about a year ago, he had starting acting jealous and wanted me to share my location on my phone a few times when I went out without him. I thought he was just being paranoid and actually would get pretty pissed off because I was always honest about where I was going and who I was going with the odd time that I didnít go out with friends. He then told me that one day when I asked him to give me a lift to an appointment very early in the morning, around 6:30am, he saw me go into another persons car instead of going into my doctors office. I told him that there was no way, and even showed him a confirmation of the appointment that I got by email and he said that he didnít believe me and he knew what he saw and that I could have made up a confirmation by email. This was all crazy and we had a huge fight but eventually it died down and I thought he got over it and realized it was nuts.

    We had been trying to get pregnant for a while, and when I finally found out that I was, we were both so happy about it. He came to all the appointments and even cried at the ultrasounds.

    A few months ago he fell at home down the stairs and hurt his back really badly. He got time off work and this is when things started to get really bad. There were days when he would call me at work and yell at me saying that he saw me out somewhere with another guy. I would even call him from my desk phone to prove I was at work and he would tell me that I was forwarding calls to make it look like I was there when I wasnít. His paranoia was getter worse and worse. He would leave the recorder on his phone on and leave the house to see if I was talking about him or if I had someone over. He even played somebody recordings of what he thought was me talking on the phone to someone when it was really just the tv on. He found someone on google maps, with face blurred out, that resembled me and said that was proof that I was in an area where he said he saw me, even though this person clearly was not me and was dressed on clothes I didnít not own. He claimed that yes, I did have those clothes and that it was definitely me.

    The mental abuse was horrible and I didnít know what to do. One day I asked out of frustration why he was acting like this and if he was on drugs. He said he was on speed because I asked too much of him and he needed to take it to have energy to do all the things I asked him to do. I was completely shocked and told him that it was obviously the drugs that was making him so paranoia and that he needed to stop this right away because we have a baby on the way. He yelled and screamed and told me that all of it was my fault, that I was a horrible person to be with and that for years he was unhappy in the relationship. He said he didnít know if the baby was his because he believed I cheated on him with one of more people. I cried for what seems like forever and even told him that this was too much for me to handle being so pregnant and he said to just leave him alone then and not speak to him.

    Weeks passed with him still making accusations and calling me names like ďthe dumb*** who got pregnantĒ because he said he wanted to wait to have a kid because he knew he had the drug issue. This was not true because this was a planned pregnancy that he was very much excited for at the beginning. I should have kicked him out, but I was still hoping that he would stop the drugs and come back to normal. Stupid thinking, I know, but I am so emotional right now that I couldnít handle not having my partner during this pregnancy. He was so great at the beginning.

    Then about a month ago he decided that he was breaking up the relationship but he didnít want to leave the apartment. I told him he had to go because I was not leaving. He was not on the lease and never paid rent, itís my moms building and it would be ridiculous for him to stay and me to leave. He told him to go to my moms (downstairs) and he would pack his things are leave within a week. I did that just to keep the peace and not put more stress on myself but the day he told me he was bringing his new girlfriend to help him pack, I lost it. I told him he had to get out immediately or else Iíd call the police. He changed the locks on me that day and I couldnít get in the apartment to get clothes or anything. I had to call the police to get him to leave, and although it took a few more days after that, he did eventually leave. He took so many things from the apartment that were both of ours, even took my dog. He broke my door, put a hole in the wall, and left garbage all over the place while I was staying with my mom. When he was gone, my family helped me get the place cleaned up.

    A few days after that he said he needed me to keep the dog for the weekend and I agreed because I missed my dog so much. He was calm dropping him off and picking him up, but then he mentioned that he wanted to know when my doctors appointments were but I said i didnít know if I wanted him to attend. He said he wants to be in the babyís life if he was the father. I definitely do not want him there after all this.

    Iím completely at a loss of what happened to my life. Iím having a horrible time coping with all this. Although I have friends and family support, I feel incredibly lonely.

  2. #2
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    Thank God he "dumped" you. What an awful person.

    I'm sure you don't want someone who behaves like that around your precious child.

  3. #3
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    Originally Posted by Neekicat
    Iím completely at a loss of what happened to my life. Iím having a horrible time coping with all this. Although I have friends and family support, I feel incredibly lonely.
    Thank your lucky stars he is out of your life. Your unborn child does not need an abusive drug addict in their life. Nor do you!!!

  4. #4
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Make sure you file for sole custody.

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    I do not want this type of behavioural around me or my child, but it doesnít take away the pain and loneliness Iím feeling. Itís hard to be thankful for this situation when this was not the person I spent 9 years of my life with. I know that it is better that he is not around if he keeps up with the drugs but Iím not thankful that my daughter will not grow up with a dad... this is a very hard situation to deal with and I cannot stop thinking about how things went so wrong.

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by Neekicat
    I do not want this type of behavioural around me or my child, but it doesnít take away the pain and loneliness Iím feeling. Itís hard to be thankful for this situation when this was not the person I spent 9 years of my life with. I know that it is better that he is not around if he keeps up with the drugs but Iím not thankful that my daughter will not grow up with a dad... this is a very hard situation to deal with and I cannot stop thinking about how things went so wrong.
    When someone shows you who they are, pay attention. Mourn for what you thought you had, and how you thought of him.

    But replace those thoughts with the reality of the current situation. He adds nothing to your life. But rather, takes away from it and is a threat to your health and to that of your baby.

    Be smart!

  8. #7
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Did he actually have a girlfriend or was he just saying that to emotionally abuse you even more than his paranoia was doing?

    I don't know but it really sounds like, if it's not the drugs, that he is schizophrenic. My cousin went from a normal, happy young man to a paranoid, vicious verbal abuser much like what your ex displays. He is back to his normal self now that he has been diagnosed and is on the proper medication.

    Hopefully he gets the help he needs before your baby is born. It might be a good idea to see a lawyer about getting sole custody ironed out before hand.

    I'm sending you a virtual hug and a wish for a fast and easy delivery when the time comes.

  9. #8
    Super Moderator annie24's Avatar
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    Hugs I am so sorry. I hope your family and friends can be there fo you when the baby is born and help out.

  10. #9
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    I'm really sorry you're going through this, OP.

    He is violent, unstable and under the influence. You do not want this person around your child in this state; see a lawyer and find out what your options are in terms of getting sole custody. Maybe someday, when he's healthy and stable and sober, you can think about having him in the child's life. Right now, though - no way would I permit it and I would do everything in my power to make sure my child was safe from him. I would not trust him around the dog you share, let alone an infant.

    It sounds like his behavior is a toxic combination of drugs and a guilty conscience. He was screaming loudly and often enough about you cheating to make me seriously question if it was actually him cheating. Very often the guilty parties project like this. I would not be at all surprised if you one day discover he was the one being unfaithful when he was ranting at you for the very same thing.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry all this is happening. use this as your escape from an abusive relationship. It will escalate exponentially after the baby is born and he may abuse the baby. It's not your call whether he is in the child's life or not. The child has it's own rights upon birth. Those are child support and if he petitions, you must insist on supervised visits.

    Does he use drugs/drink? How did he "fall down the stairs"? Is he on narcotic pain meds now? These factors will also ramp up the abuse. Immediately reset your phone and passwords and all your accounts. Completely block him and all his people from all your social media. Reset all your privacy settings. Make sure you are not posting on social media about your whereabouts, thoughts, life etc. Contact your people via private message. Abusers like this stalk social media.

    Get that app off your phone asap. Consider getting a restraining order. Move everything out and stay with your parents. Stop the dog nonsense. Focus on your health and safety. Focus on the safety of your child. That means getting out of this abusive relationship. Abuse never improves. It only cycles and escalates. Those are your choices.
    Originally Posted by Neekicat
    He said he wants to be in the babyís life if he was the father. I definitely do not want him there after all this.

    Iím completely at a loss of what happened to my life. Iím having a horrible time coping with all this. Although I have friends and family support, I feel incredibly lonely.

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