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Thread: Sweet Story About a Marriage

  1. #1
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    Sweet Story About a Marriage

    So awhile back or it may have been on another forum, I posted a thread about a friend of mine who had been dating her boyfriend for three years, she wanted to get married and he kept telling her he “wasn’t ready.”

    Year four, he’s still not ready.

    So I created a thread (I think it was on another forum) asking others what their opinions were about it. The great majority of posters opined that he was stringing her along, that he had no intention of ever marrying her and that if she was dead set on getting married, he wasn’t the guy.

    I, and some others, advised her to simply stop asking/pressuring him about marriage and just enjoy their relationship and the connection and love they shared.

    So that is exactly what she did, not one word about marriage, she was perfectly happy just being in the relationship, she put marriage out of her mind and just focused on the relationship and loving each other.

    Well, one year later, he literally got down on one knee and proposed, a year after that they had a beautiful wedding ceremony and now almost two years later, they are very happily married, own a beautiful home and are trying to have a baby.

    Anyway, what prompted this thread today is something happened this morning that was just so special, it actually brought tears to my friend’s eyes, and almost mine too.

    Her husband sent her an e-card wishing her a happy anniversary of their first DATE! Not when they got married, but their first date. Wow.

    SHE didn't even remember exactly what day it was! But then thinking back, he was spot on, today is in fact the anniversary of their first date.

    So, here we have a guy who was so hesitant to get married, for literally years he "wasn’t sure" or "wasn’t ready," the majority of folks advising her to end the relationship, that she was being strung along and he would never marry her.

    Now, not only did he marry her, he’s remembering things like their first date, and sending her e-anniversary cards!

    I dunno, I just thought that was the sweetest thing ever, and makes me feel better about the idea of marriage which as some of you know, I am a bit ambivalent about.

    There's no question in there, just wanted to share a sweet story. :)

  2. #2
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    Thanks for the story. It's one positive story that will offset the negative ones people mostly hear. It's probable that most people advised the way they did because all they hear is bad stories.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    It's always best to wait past the honeymoon period and then some to get married. Good on him for waiting and making sure it was love and not just lust and infatuation.

    I hope they make each other happy LIFEmates.💍💕

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    I know many stories that would receive a “Dump ‘em” on this, or any other board.

    Close friend was with her BF for 8 years, and he’d never talk about marriage. They built a house together, co-mingling finances and lives. LSS: He did finally propose, they’re married now 20+ years, and she truly is the love of his life. They still have Date night once a week on the same day of the week as their first date. I was on the “Dump him” team, but he proved me wrong, and he’s such a gem.

    Family friend: was with her BF for 6+ years. He did drugs AND cheated with her best friend. Cried, cried, cried, but kept going back to him. 10 years later, he’s completely clean, they are married 6 years, have a baby, and he’s the best dad in the world. Oh....and she’s back to BFF with her best friend, and all is better than ever, for several years now.

    Any of these stories, including yours, would earn a “Good grief! What are you thinking!!!”, which is why it’s important to look at your own full picture. Only the people involved know what the full picture really is.

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  6. #5
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    Thanks for posting LHG!

    Two more inspiring stories, especially the second. You know, I was engaged to my ex, when I discovered he was heavily into meth and coke and had been for most of our relationship.

    After I left he went to rehab, got clean and wanted me back, but for me it was too late, the trust had been broken. I also believe he cheated, although I have no concrete proof, just a gut feeling.

    I did not go back, which was the best decision for me cause I don't think I could have ever trusted him again.

    Last I heard, he is still clean and doing very well!!

    But good for your friend, her love, dedication and loyalty certainly paid off in the end!

    Question: Why do you think so many folks are in the "dump em" camp when things like this happen?

    Even in my current relationship, I was told to dump him when he dropped off on line chat for four days before we had even met. And 1.5 years later, we are still together!

    I try to not advise that anymore, except when there is abuse (emotional and/or physical); I realize every relationship is unique and special in its own right, and like you said, no one really knows the dynamic between a couple except the couple themselves.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 06-25-2019 at 06:02 PM.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Yes very sweet and inspiring story and exactly the kind of exception to the rule that keeps the rest mired in horrible dead end abusive relationships for years, wasting the best of their life away hoping and hoping that their story too will be that one single exception to the rule. Sorry to rain on your parade, but not sorry really. Sadly, it doesn't work out like that for most people and waiting on that fairy tale ending causes too much damage for words.

    Reminds me of the he is just not that into book/movie where the author discusses exactly this. That all the girlfriends will jump in with stories of the so and so being the exception to the rule and how they stuck it out and how it worked out for them and encourage their friend to also stick it out. Too bad that 99% of the time the rule applies and they are just wasting time on a guy who is not that into them while passing up on men who would give them what they are craving. Yet we keep focusing on the fairy tales, on the exceptions.....it's oh so romantic....and to heck with the pain and the cost for the majority for whom the fairy tale never comes, never happens. You must believe right? To heck with the consequences, just keep promoting the fairy tale because it feels so good.....

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    @DF I am not disputing any of that and agree. I guess what I am saying, at least with respect to my friend's situation, is that she knew the love was there, she had faith in it, faith in their connection and that it would ultimately all work out -- whether they got married or not.

    She had changed her entire mindset about it, from nagging gf pressuring him for marriage, to loving gf who accepted him and the situation as is. Which was exactly what he needed!

    Once she did that, things changed for him. Instead of digging in his heels in response to the pressure, he was able to relax and enjoy the relationship, and her, which resulted in him realizing he did want to spend the rest of his life with her, and he proposed.

    The sad stories you discussed in your post, I think in many of those situations, the women had blinders on. The love was not really there, on some level she probably knew it, but may have been in denial about it.

    So she "hangs in" only to be disappointed when things don't work out the way she hoped.

    With my friend, she wasn't wearing any blinders. Their relationship was solid, the love was there, she simply changed her mindset about marriage, and chose to accept the situation, and things did ultimately work out -- for both of them!

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Fudgie's Avatar
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    I agree with DF. Yes, there are some nice stories out there but these are not the norm. I see way more misfit relationships with people just hanging on than I do happy stories like these. At any right, why waste years with someone on a chance (and judging by statistics, a slim one) that they will change their mind?

    That's why many people are in the "dump them" camp. Because it's realistic.

    For the record, the flip side of the coin isn't that bad. My recent ex (almost 4 years) was biting at the bit to marry me. I didn't want to and I tried to work on my feelings for a long time, therapy too, but it didn't work. I am out of that relationship now and I feel so much better. He would have stayed with me, waiting for marriage, for many years I am sure. Maybe I would have given in and decided to hell with it. How is that a happy ending?

  10. #9
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    Question: Why do you think so many folks are in the "dump em" camp when things like this happen?
    Oooooh, now it's about to get good!

    I think most people who say "dump 'em!" are coming from a good place, and, after a year plus on this site, I'd say that most of the time I see that advice (regarding corroded longterm relationships, not the nitty gritty of early dating, which I think people are by and large way too sensitive about) it's probably for the best.

    I mean, if someone came here and told me their boyfriend was doing drugs and cheating with their best friend? I'm about as open-minded as it gets, but I'd struggle to come up with anything except "get out." At my most generous, I'd offer the sort of advice I offer here plenty: that the odds of happiness here are very slim, the odds of more pain not just high but inevitable, and that it will be years—years—until you're even close to knowing if you're out of the nosedive. If spending those years gritting teeth sounds like a worthwhile adventure in the one life you've got to live—go for it.

    I don't know if I'll sound cynical here, but to me the sweetest part of your above story isn't him dropping to a knee, eventually marrying her, and now sending e-cards. It's the part where she learned to be "perfectly happy" in the present tense. Sadly, we don't have movies and e-cards that celebrate that sort of thing, but I think it's where the real nectar is. In the above story, the marriage part is icing, not the cake.

  11. #10
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    What I try to do now re giving advice. I don't tell a poster what they should do -- I give my opinion, I tell them what I would do, but I allow them to make the ultimate decision. What they feel is best for them.

    Because as I said, neither I nor anyone knows what's behind those doors, the type of dynamic they have developed, the strength of their connection or bond.

    I hope Seraphim doesn't mind, she has posted this herself, but her husband abused her for 13 years! She stayed. Why? The love was there, she knew it, he knew it.

    He eventually sought help and healed and they are still together (and happy!) after 25 years!

    Talk about inspiring!

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