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Thread: Sweet Story About a Marriage

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle

    I don't know if I'll sound cynical here, but to me the sweetest part of your above story isn't him dropping to a knee, eventually marrying her, and now sending e-cards. It's the part where she learned to be "perfectly happy" in the present tense. Sadly, we don't have movies and e-cards that celebrate that sort of thing, but I think it's where the real nectar is. In the above story, the marriage part is icing, not the cake.
    Why would you think that might be cynical? It's not, her choosing to accept and be happy with the status quo was sweet, as was him proposing on one knee and sending her the e-card today.

    It's all very sweet!

  2. #12
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    I'm glad your friend had a happy ending or new beginning with her husband. If only many people could be as mature and sincerely kind as her husband who eventually grew up. This world would be a better place for it. He sounds sentimental and it is indeed endearing for him to remember his first date with his wife!

    Thanks for sharing, katrina1980.

  3. #13
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    With my friend, she wasn't wearing any blinders. Their relationship was solid, the love was there, she simply changed her mindset about marriage, and chose to accept the situation, and things did ultimately work out -- for both of them!

    Your friend gave up on what SHE wants, her values, her dreams, what she wants out of life and all for what? To hang on to a guy. Luckily for her, it actually worked out and in the end she ended up getting what she wants.....well...you know discounting the fact that she had to give up the very essence of herself in order for him to finally oblige. See nothing sinister in that? Perhaps a bit of a warped power dynamic? No? Probably not. Well, I actually do hope that your friend ends up the living example of that rare exception to the rule, the old couple still holding hands and smiling lovingly at each other. I really do.

    As for why people yell dump him? Because life is too short to waste on time wasters. Time is the one commodity in life you can never get back, can never turn back the clock. Especially so if you are a woman and want children. Your time is limited, so don't waste it.

  4. #14
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    This is the exact opposite of the thread you started a day or two ago, Katrina.

    Do you know why you chose to post this story on the heels of your most recent thread? Did anything that someone responded there motivate you to post this?

    I find it interesting.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    I guess everyone takes inspiration from different places.

    If I was married and my wife was abusing me I would be unable to find hope or inspiration in someone telling me that the abuse will end, in a decade, and we'll be happy together, since that's what they'd gone through. But that's me, my value system, my perception. "Love" is not the ingredient I would be emphasizing in why a union like that didn't crumble.

    Like bolt, I admit I'm curious about the motivation behind this thread. Are you looking for a reason to plough through? Are you trying to imagine the story you might tell, about your marriage, in a few years?

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool

    Your friend gave up on what SHE wants, her values, her dreams, what she wants out of life, the "essence of herself." For what? To hang on to a guy.
    I'm sorry DF do you know my friend? How in the world could you possibly have deduced all that from the little I shared about her? SMH

    Anyway, she actually did no such thing, yes she wanted to be married, but a lot of that was societal pressure, and pressure from family.

    Her values were commitment, loyalty and love and she (they) had that minus the marriage certificate. She accepted that, she was happy with that. She had her dream. a beautiful relationship with the man she loved and who loved her.

    Not every woman's dream is to be married, mine certainly isn't.

    Anyway, as I said, she did some introspection and realized what her values truly were. Acceptance and love. Which is what she chose to focus on, and it resulted in him realizing he wanted marriage, which was sort of the icing on what was already a very beautiful cake for both of them.

    P.S. DF with all due respect, I really don't like the direction this thread is going. This was meant to be a positive, uplifting thread, not sure why you're choosing to turn this into something negative and ugly. Talking about time wasters?

    You're entitled to your opinion of course, just not sure why you chose this thread, which again was meant to be positive and uplifting to post it on.

  8. #17
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    I guess I just echo the ‘dump him’ crowd because I personally don’t like my time being wasted. I see it is as life’s too short so why spend fleeting time on unhappiness and waiting for change? I learned my lesson expecting my ex of 11 years to get better and wasted three years hoping I was the exception to the rule.

    Maybe it makes me cynical or sound jaded. I just know and have learned keep those who cherish you and cut off ones who do nothing but inflict negativity.

    It’s sweet your friends story and it was nice to read. I just know for me personally I would be ‘done’ if a guy kept dragging his feet. I would see it as he’s really not that interested and we don’t want the same things.

    But maybe my patience is more low.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    I'm sorry DF do you know my friend? How in the world could you possibly have deduced all that from little I shared about her?

    Anyway, she actually did no such thing, yes she wanted to be married, but a lot of that was societal pressure, and pressure from family.

    Her values were commitment, loyalty and love and she (they) had that minus the marriage certificate. She accepted that, she was happy with that.

    She had her dream.

    Not every woman's dream is to be married, mine certainly isn't.

    Anyway, as I said, she did some introspection and realized what her values truly were. Acceptance and love. Which is what she chose to focus on, and it resulted in him realizing he wanted marriage, which was sort of the icing on what was already a very beautiful cake for both of them.

    P.S. DF with all due respect, I really don't like the direction this thread is going. This was meant to be a positive, uplifting thread, not sure why you're choosing to turn this into something negative and ugly. Talking about time wasters and such?

    You're entitled to your opinion of course, just not sure why you chose this thread, which again was meant to be positive and uplifting to post it on.
    In short, she convinced herself that marriage was just a certificate (and not knowing them at all I bet it took convincing herself) and settled for what he was willing to give her. Many people change their minds about marriage and eventually propose. I'm reminded of the scene in You've Got Mail when Tom Hanks and Parker Posey and the Elevator Operator get stuck in the elevator for hours. Parker Posey whines and complains (and Tom Hanks realizes that he'd better end things!) and the elevator operator says something like "you know I've been with my girlfriend ____ years and I realize now what am I waiting for?? I'm going to ask her to marry me!" Please do not quote me on that -it's a memory but that's the gist of it.

    I think sure she laid off the pressure for whatever reason but realized that he wasn't going to propose so put up or shut up. I surely hope she didn't see it as exactly what she wanted minus the piece of paper - if she did and then accepted his proposal one would think she would have been low key/meh about getting married, right? But she wasn't, right? So it doesn't ring true.

    Of course not every person dreams of being married. In fact I think it's better not to "dream" and to instead have a real sense of heart and head about it - to have a healthful marriage. Sure when I was a child/teenager I dreamed of being a bride - pretty typical! But I wanted to get married as a life goal, not a dream/fantasy.

    I asked my husband today if he could please save the rest of the chips for me so I don't have to open a new bag since we're going away very soon. And I noticed he went in the other room at dinner time and fished out a bag of chips he had left over from some office lunch. I mean - he remembered and he cared enough to go and find other chips. And I thanked him -not gushing, not dreamy, not over the moon - but genuine appreciation. I say that's better than a "dream" and also better than thinking of marriage as mainly a "certificate" that will only add a piece of paper to a loving relationship. That's sad.

    Having said that I am very happy for your friend!

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    This is the exact opposite of the thread you started a day or two ago, Katrina.

    Do you know why you chose to post this story on the heels of your most recent thread? Did anything that someone responded there motivate you to post this?

    I find it interesting.
    What motivated me to post this, was simply wanting to share something uplifting and positive about something that happened this morning that I thought was very sweet.

    And to share my friend's story that i thought might be inspiring to some.

    It actually has very little to do with my recent thread, the issues I am currently struggling with with respect to my own relationship. They're still there and am working through.

    But my friend's story gave me some encouragement about the importance of acceptance, trust and love.

    I am not saying that every situation or even the majority of situations will turn out like hers, of course they won't.

    Again, I simply wanted to share something uplifting and positive, at least it was to me.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Fudgie's Avatar
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    While it's true that not every woman wants to get married, the majority of those who say that they do want it... actually want it. Not just "commitment", but actual marriage.

    Would you consider the story to be just as joyous if your friend accepted him fully and then he never changed his mind? So it continued as is? My guess is not.

    For every exception like your friend, there are at least 10+ people out there, stuck in relationships, hoping for marriage.

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