Originally Posted by focus4000
I really like this response after re-reading it. I realize it's kinda calling me out on some of my own BS
Well, if you want to call it your BS you actually don't need me to call you out on it.

Go back and read your post from when you guys were two months in, where it seems you were well aware of what you were signing up for: a young woman who did not believe she had enough layers to hold your interest, who felt boring compared to you, whose lack of direction in life and confidence in herself you found frustrating and perhaps an impediment to connection. Kind of reads as a prologue to the story you're in now, no?

Fragile stuff to build a relationship atop, all that. But clearly stuff that you were far more attracted to than put off by. What, do you think, is up with that?

You used a phrase in that long ago post that stood out to me: "Kinda trying to figure out how to navigate this for the sake of growth, or the foreseeable write off of her being very insecure and too sheltered for the relationship to grow." Seems "growth" is important to you, conceptually, but your barometer for growth is a bit limited, or at least more connected to seeing if you can "grow" another, and be rewarded for that, than the reward of growing alongside another whose tools are as sharp as, or even sharper, than your own.

You strike me as a good guy—big head, big heart, sensitive. But two months in your lack of respect for this woman was jumping off the page, as it's jumping off the page here. Your language is quite respectful and "woke," but in the case of this relationship (just looking at these two threads) it seems a bit misapplied—that the woman you really respect is the woman you believe she can become, more than the woman she is, or maybe has ever been.

Zoom out a few inches and you can see how that might be more self-serving than her-serving, since it predicates your connection on you being able to patiently coax her into being an equal rather than, you know, you simply looking at her and thinking "equal." That dynamic affords you certain pleasures and a degree of power—being able to see around corners that she can't see around, to say nothing of being able to hold down a job—but it seems you're discovering its shortcomings.

Perhaps, when you met her, you weren't actually interested in dating an equal than in dating someone you could treat as an equal. Perhaps you liked young, cute, and malleable, but needed a larger story to justify those sorts of not-so-woke desires. Perhaps you saw in her a way of "succeeding" where your prior relationship "failed." (Yeah, I did some skimming.) Perhaps...

I don't know. I'm just an internet dude turning the prism, maybe in ways that help you see some new colors. But anyone who was genuinely interested in an equal, in someone who knew her weight was as dense and valuable as her partner's, would have stepped away at that two month mark, not in. Just like anyone who genuinely wants a partner in the business of life would step away from someone who has yet to figure out the basics of that business herself.

Stuff to think about, as I suspect you already are.