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Thread: She is job hopping, and it worries me

  1. #41
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    What really boggles my mind is your GF's career choices. Working in her field of choice takes a thick skin. People always complain. They'll complain about her, her boss, her job, her company, coworkers, representatives, customer service, products, etc, etc. Some people can be downright nasty. She's not going to walk into a job as "golden child" with no hurdles and a big ball of joy, and it doesn't matter if she doesn't agree with some of the rules and protocol, she has to comply. It amazes me some of the work ethic I see, and I truly wonder how some of these people survive...is someone else footing the bill? My mother worked higher up on the food chain and was involved with hiring, and I remember her telling me about overlooking some applications because their ability to stick with a job longer than 4-6 months was sketchy, and they were looking to hire people who would stick. It takes money to put people through training. When your GF fails at professional jobs in the field she has chosen, it looks even worse.

    I don't know how many times she'll have to fall down before she finally figures it out. There's a certain work ethic and reality of life she has yet to fully grasp.

    I agree with everyone that at this point, moving in together is a bad idea, and I think your role as a "parent" has already established itself...it's impossible to not say anything or push or encourage...it also stops being easy to cater to whatever is upsetting her. You have already heard from other people working in the same location that the job is actually quite normal, and your girlfriend's complaints are rather immature and unfounded. One job, okay, but 5 jobs in a year, we have one common denominator. How is she surviving right now? I mean, who's covering her when she up and quits? Who's covering her bills? I think there's a certain level of humbleness that teaches you to cooperate, and that doesn't mean you become a doormat...you find a better job if the one you have is horrible, but by gawd, you develop a thick skin and a high tolerance for bull*** when you want to keep yourself (and family) housed and fed. No job is perfect and few people love their job all the time. It's just unrealistic to think otherwise, and particularly in a field of public relations and communication. I mean, is that job supposed to be a cakewalk?? Sit back and watch the dollars roll in??

    She has to figure it out on her own when she realizes she really has to put effort and work into her job, and mistakes happen and criticism happens...fix it. Don't do it again. You have to decide how long you'll wait or if you need to move on.

  2. #42
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    It sticks out like a sore thumb to me that she is pushing to move in together while she is bouncing from job to job and you are just about to land in that sweet spot after your hard work.
    I could be wrong, but that seems to me like yet another way for her to try to avoid some hard work. Move in with bf, take a shortcut to having to work on herself.

    Her work ethic seems quite low. I agree with others that is a value that tends to present itself rather steadily through adult life. I've been around early 20 something's who had so much tenacity in whatever they chose to work at, and then people in their 40s and up who never did ever see the value of it. Working at life being seen as an elective task, only when they felt like it.

    At 30, there's a world of women to chose from as a prospective partner. Who can stand right along with you, and challenge you in positive ways too.
    Do you feel like you can grow alongside this woman? Being honest, is she holding you back?

  3. #43
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    Originally Posted by itsallgrand
    It sticks out like a sore thumb to me that she is pushing to move in together while she is bouncing from job to job and you are just about to land in that sweet spot after your hard work.
    I could be wrong, but that seems to me like yet another way for her to try to avoid some hard work. Move in with bf, take a shortcut to having to work on herself.

    Her work ethic seems quite low. I agree with others that is a value that tends to present itself rather steadily through adult life. I've been around early 20 something's who had so much tenacity in whatever they chose to work at, and then people in their 40s and up who never did ever see the value of it. Working at life being seen as an elective task, only when they felt like it.

    At 30, there's a world of women to chose from as a prospective partner. Who can stand right along with you, and challenge you in positive ways too.
    Do you feel like you can grow alongside this woman? Being honest, is she holding you back?
    Chiming in late but I fully agree with this^ and also with Dancing Fool's post.

    You disagreed w DF saying you saw no signs of narcissism or manipulation which kinda proves her point - she (your gf) has already succeeded in manipulating you without your even recognizing it. Classic.

    I disagree w the poster who said it's about her age - she is young, finding herself blah blah.

    This is about her character not her age. In fact nothing to do age as there are 20 something's who have the drive to be successful and are, or at the very least stable, and 40 something's who are still floundering, blaming everyone else, screaming bullying, abuse etc.

    You know her claims of bullying and abuse (at several different jobs no less) are a load of bs since speaking w her co-workers who describe a completely different environment.

    Again just my take but it appears she is histrionic and lazy, who may possibly be using you on some level for your financial potential, her "get out of work" card.

    My advice is do not move in and be careful and aware; as an objective observer, I see a woman who has already succeeded in manipulating you, hence this thread versus simply walking away and finding a woman without all these issues and with your level of character and integrity.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 06-28-2019 at 10:54 AM.

  4. #44
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    Hey y'all. Spent the night with her last night after she officially was fired, and it got all sorts of awkward

    Woke up today and things didn't get much better. Spent the morning trying to relax and help her not focus so much on the negative if getting fired, and just enjoy the day.

    She spent the morning being passive aggressive and it kind of got in my nerves a good bit where I ended up telling her that she needs to understand that her constant negativity along with the situation was being projected on me, and if she wanted to make things better that she would focus on what she needs from herself rather than constantly coming to me for solutions and stuff. (She kept repeatedly asking for affirmation of the same points for the whole time together even after I responded to them, while asking if I was bored, if I wanted to go home, etc...)

    Not really sure what to do at this point, since before I left she was more or less putting the words of me breaking up with her in my mouth (that's where I actually got kind of mad), and told her that these assumptions and all that are making a bad situation worse :/

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  6. #45
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    If you replaced "was fired" in the above with "got a boo boo" you could be describing a 6-year-old. Replace it with "he didn't ask me to prom" and you'd be describing a 16-year-old.

    I know that's not fun to read, but there it is. You're the parent/teacher in this dynamic, and I'd do some real thinking as to whether you really want to keep taking that on and what may be the appeal of it to have gotten you this invested. Did you like, early, being the one who had it all a bit more "figured out"? Did you enjoy, early, being able to "help her relax" and "see things a bit differently"?

    Just spitballing here, but they're questions worth asking.

  7. #46
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    If you replaced "was fired" in the above with "got a boo boo" you could be describing a 6-year-old. Replace it with "he didn't ask me to prom" and you'd be describing a 16-year-old.

    I know that's not fun to read, but there it is. You're the parent/teacher in this dynamic, and I'd do some real thinking as to whether you really want to keep taking that on and what may be the appeal of it to have gotten you this invested. Did you like, early, being the one who had it all a bit more "figured out"? Did you enjoy, early, being able to "help her relax" and "see things a bit differently"?

    Just spitballing here, but they're questions worth asking.
    I never really looked at it that way tbh lol

    With the appeal and all that, I just figured I'd try being a bit more patient with seeing how a person unfolded, and thus here I am.

    In the past, I'd normally say nah thanks and walk away, but tried something different this time around

  8. #47
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    Originally Posted by focus4000
    I never really looked at it that way tbh lol

    With the appeal and all that, I just figured I'd try being a bit more patient with seeing how a person unfolded, and thus here I am.

    In the past, I'd normally say nah thanks and walk away, but tried something different this time around

    It's just hit a point now where I've stopped feeling like I'm being patient and more willing to try something different, and it's no longer something I'm capable of dealing with

    Don't want it to get to the blow up point of me being fed up and calling it a day. Would rather get in front of it to minimize any unnecessary drama (since her sensitivity makes me very averse to dragging any situation like this out, since it'll only snowball from there)

  9. #48
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    How would you describe or explain "get in front of it"?

  10. #49
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    Not let it hit the boiling point of a calamitous end, or at least having serious enough of a conversation where my concerns are seen as being valid rather than aboidant (she doesn't understand that of I set a time frame/ultimatum for what she was trying to accomplish with getting her work life in order, we'd of been well past that threshold)

  11. #50
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    At this point it feels like she just ignores what I'm saying when I explain my point, since it's not in line with hers

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