Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 3 of 10 FirstFirst 123456 ... LastLast
Results 21 to 30 of 94

Thread: Here again. Updates in relation to previous situation and further advice needed

  1. #21
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2019
    Posts
    91
    I do agree. I was hopeful we would progress, and we got on well during the trip. It made me probably like him more. But now we have returned we still havenít discussed anything I suppose we should have. I want it to move forward, as I do care about him.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    11,234
    Originally Posted by Chloej123
    I do agree. I was hopeful we would progress, and we got on well during the trip. It made me probably like him more. But now we have returned we still havenít discussed anything I suppose we should have. I want it to move forward, as I do care about him.
    Tell him that. You've known him long enough that "scaring him off" shouldn't even be in your thoughts.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    9,873
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Chloej123
    The reason we did not discuss it because I myself struggle with confrontation, and still feeling fragile,
    I think the fact that you view a discussion with him about who you are as a confrontation is very telling.

    You are willing to get naked with him after all. How is it you are afraid to tell him what your values are? It doesn't mean you are asking him for anything in return. You are merely stating how you operate.
    An ideal time is before you get in too deep. But that moment has passed. It's ok. I think most of us have been in your position. (until we know better)

    I've been you and went in assuming. After a few weeks and signs that kept telling me otherwise, I respectfully told a man I made a mistake. That I am someone who can't be physically intimate with someone and not get emotionally attached. I am pretty much hard wired that way and can't separate my heart from head. It was a positive experience and we both treated it with respect and parted ways. Though there was this little disappointment on both sides it was overshadowed with some self satisfaction and pride that I was no longer afraid to care of myself and I no longer put that responsibility on someone else.

    It's a value that works for me and when I stopped getting involved with men and operating in the grey fuzzy areas, dating became that much easier. I was able to make room in my life for more appropriate partners and I quickly clear away those who were looking for something different. Interesting side benefit is men seemed to find my self confidence more attractive.

    Tell him who you are. Since when is that a confrontation? You aren't asking him for anything, after all. Just stating your truth.
    If this guy is crazy about you, he won't let you slip away.
    If he is looking for some thing a little more loosely defined, at least you know.

    Again, it's best to deal with this upfront as stating your value and not as a mistake after the fact. Either way you are going to need to do something about this.
    How about this be a good start?

    The only one looking out for you, is you.

  4. #24
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2019
    Posts
    91
    This is something which didnít cross my mind in terms of being Ďusedí as just a holiday girl. We spent 6 months together and I was on the verge of moving with him. Hence why the thought didnít cross my mind that he would use me for that , or at least I hoped not ?

  5.  

  6. #25
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2019
    Posts
    91
    I think the reason I am so anxious to confront this is because I am confused and scared of being hurt regardless of the outcome. I am struggling to get to grips why he would whisk me away, act like a couple then come back and weíre back to square one or barely communicating. For me it just doesnít make sense and I know the only way Iíll get answers is through asking. Itís just I donít know where to start and feel there is now a massive barrier up on my part because of what happened before. I donít even know how to word it to ask, which I know sounds silly.

  7. #26
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2019
    Posts
    91
    Just an update as Iím still feeling a little down and confused. We have been back 2 days with minimal contact. His last response was Ďokayí which I did not respond to.

    I feel confused because we had such a great time but now weíre back home weíve gone to limited contact.

    I donít know how to approach or word what I need to.. which is to ask what is going on or what we are doing. I guess I am partially scared of the answer.

    It sort of feels like an ongoing tiring game of waiting for the other to text. Itís so childish but Iím scared to put myself on the line again for fear or getting hurt.

    My head is an absolute shambles because itís made me realise I care about him still, and now heís seemingly pulled away again I have done the same.

    I guess I need advice on how or what to say from such a blunt last response. Iíve never felt so confused as to another persons actions! Just why take the girl you spent 6 months with away to then come back and behave the way you did during the rough patch. I really know I canít go on like this but I havenít a clue what to do for the best. I know I want him but I donít know where on earth I should be going from here.

    Do I leave him to contact me still, is he waiting for that ?

  8. #27
    Platinum Member Cope's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Posts
    1,176
    Unfortunately, he's not confusing from an outsider's point of view of course. You're confused because you want a reaction that matches your feelings and you're not getting one. Like you said, you're afraid to ask because you basically already know the answer. I've been there, oh so many times. Once I finally found the courage to ask, it seemed so silly that I was afraid to before.

    What usually empowers me, is thinking that by asking the right questions, I take control of my life. So, take control of your life. Ask him. The worse thing that could happen is you'll lose him forever, but how worse is that compared to what you're going through now? The best thing that could happen is you'll be making decisions for your own life and not just following his pace.

    It's something you need to know in order to move on either with or without him. By waiting on him, you're basically telling him "hi, I'm just here pausing my life for you, whenever you're ready, please let me know. Thank you kind sir and I apologise for any inconvenience." This is not you, you're way stronger than that. I honestly believe you can do it. ✊🏽

  9. #28
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    33,221
    Gender
    Male
    Try to pull way back. He gave his friends the "where do we stand?" answer you are seeking but in disbelief about. Things have changed in his life and attitude and you are becoming more of a fan/groupie to him. He was crystal clear to his friends that he is keeping his options open. Stop contacting him.

    Stop having desperate unattractive "relationship talks". Just stop communicating, having sex, acting like a gf when he is clear that he doesn't see you this way. When you pull away and respect yourself, he'll respect you more.
    Originally Posted by Chloej123
    I do miss him when I am not around him. I miss when the relationship was good the most, of course. I would say a relationship again that was how it was before. The confusion I am feeling is that why is he taking me away etc and acting like we are a couple, but now not labelling at again instead saying Ďwe practically are together, but not fullyí. In his own words to the friends

  10. #29
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Posts
    9,303
    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    OP, I am reading this as him wanting a woman to go this holiday with him - and he knew you were a sure bet. It wasn't a make-or-break thing for him. He wanted a female companion, and well, you fit the bill. You filled a role when he needed it. And now the trip is over and so is your current usefulness to him.

    I don't mean to be harsh. But girl - you need to stop doing this to yourself.
    This^^. My thoughts exactly.

    Chloe, please go back read your previous thread.

    I know you still have feelings but I am shocked after how he treated you, you fell right back into to his game, once again.

    I am not surprised one bit he's "pulled back" after the trip .

    I'm sorry if this sounds hurtful but you served a purpose (a sure bet last minute travel companion- some easy sex) and now that you have served that purpose, he hasn't much use for you.

    I know OUCH and I'm so sorry.

    Please block this man on all social media and walk away for good.

  11. #30
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Posts
    487
    I know how hard this is, as I'm sure the majority of people out there can relate. I hope I'm not hurting you more by giving my perception of the situation -

    You say a few times that you are "confused" about what is going on, but I don't think that it's confusion you are feeling - it's disappointment. I think you thought this trip was the first step in getting back together and that has since proved not to be the case. There really is nothing confusing about the situation - he wanted to take a trip with a woman and knew that you would be willing to go. He has made it clear that he is not interested in a serious relationship. He wants to be able to go out and have fun with other women (which I believe you indicated in a different thread that you saw on social media and was the catalyst for you saying you were done with him) but also wants to have the comfort of knowing he has backups should he want something that is familiar. You will continue to be disappointed if you are willing participant in this.

    Also, one thing to think about is his comment to his friends (and you) that you are "dating". To me, dating is what you do when you meet someone new and try to determine if they are a good long-term fit. I wouldn't be ok with "dating" someone I had all ready been in a long-term relationship with. They either know if they want to be committed to me or not, and if not - peace out see you never. He wants you and those around him to know that he is open to other relationships with different women so you aren't able to play the role of betrayed girlfriend when he is acting single.

    At the end of the day, none of us, including you, know exactly what he is thinking/feeling and are basing our perceptions off your version of events, so we could be wrong. As one poster said, you will only know if you ask him. However, if that is the route you choose to take, I would strongly recommend telling him that he can either commit or you walk - and then you walk and don't look back, because he won't change his mind or how he treats you.

Page 3 of 10 FirstFirst 123456 ... LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •