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Wife's sex drive


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Hi, I'm new to this but my and my wife are having troubles I get jealous of her as she has an active social life and I don't she doesn't hang around with other lads just girls but I don't have any friends outside of work, and she has a very low sex drive (almost none existant) and I feel under confident because of this. When I do talk about it I feel bad, Ive been with her for 17years.

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Marriage counselling. Often what happens in the relationship reflects in the bedroom

 

- Yup. If she was not like this in the beginning, she's lost desire because her love level has gone down. You need to find out where you have taken her for granted and get her love level back up

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Please don't be jealous that she has an active social life. Perhaps you should find some things to occupy your time outside of work and home life? Make some friends, take up a hobby...I would be willing to bet that this might increase the desire between the two of you...

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If you have no life of your own and appeared jealous of any time your wife spends away from you, that might be a turn off.

 

How about you work at having a full, interesting life of your own? I can't help but think that you make you more attractive and not so insecure. In turn it might change her feelings towards you.

 

Just based on what you wrote I get the sense that this isn't about your `wife's sex drive' but more about whether or not she's attracted to you to begin with.

 

Lack of sex is a probably a symptom of something larger. Address the larger issue first.

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Women tend to find confidence and independence to be attractive. Keeping the spark alive in a marriage is hard! Start focusing a little bit more on yourself. Consider taking up a new active hobby or exploring your passions. Once you have your own life, I expect she will take more interest in being a part of it.

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Thank you for all your advice, my wife has been saying things like this for a while I have just enrolled in kick boxing, when I try to organise time out with people things always fall through and eventually you start telling yourself it's not meant to be and just Bury your head in the sand. We had another blow out tonight, I admit I used to be a jealous person especially as I let myself go however I feel its under control and has been for a long time but obviously there's little bits pop through every now and then (I'm only human and far from perfect). I have been toying with the possibility of using illegal narcotics (speed, coke) to help me lose some weight but I can't bring my self to do it.

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Thank you for all your advice, my wife has been saying things like this for a while I have just enrolled in kick boxing, when I try to organise time out with people things always fall through and eventually you start telling yourself it's not meant to be and just Bury your head in the sand. We had another blow out tonight, I admit I used to be a jealous person especially as I let myself go however I feel its under control and has been for a long time but obviously there's little bits pop through every now and then (I'm only human and far from perfect). I have been toying with the possibility of using illegal narcotics (speed, coke) to help me lose some weight but I can't bring my self to do it.

So, then she'll have an unhappy drug addict on her hands? How is that helpful?

 

Self esteem never comes out of taking short cuts. It comes as a result of doing hard work and feeling a sense of pride and accomplishment.

 

Good for you with the kickboxing and sorry for the setbacks. It's pretty typically. Two steps forward, one step back. Just keeping moving forward and applying yourself. Be patient, the rest will come.

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Our doctors are quite busy however I do already have a pre booked appointment in a couple of weeks. I must admit I can't help but feel like we're on different pages as we hugged this morning and it felt like it was forced. I really do love her but I know the feeling isn't mutual at the minute and that is a hard thing to for me as I'm an emotional person.

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Most people are emotional. I'd venture to say we are all emotional. Some just have more luxury expressing it whenever they want. Others have to inhibit or filter it because of other commitments or because they're expected to do so for other reasons that are more important than simply lashing out or dwelling on them mentally or expressing all the time. It's up to all of us to find an adequate balance so we aren't repressed or going on emotional benders.

 

I agree about seeing what your doctor says about your physical health and if there are any complications there. As a general rule, it's better to celebrate each other as individuals than break each other down. People change even when married and we should leave room for some change whether it's new friends or new realities in the relationship. It also depends heavily on boundaries and what both are comfortable with. I think your wife genuinely may not know what to do with you and she may find you difficult to deal with in general if you don't have filters on your emotions. Emotions are difficult to filter if we are not in good shape or if we don't feel good about ourselves. Try working through those emotions and figure out how you feel about yourself (self-esteem).

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I was looking for a short cut but I know it's not the answer I could never use drugs I've seen the aftermath of someone I know/knew. We've agreed to go see a marriage counsellor. Thank you again for words of wisdom.

 

Especially now with the opiate crisis in North America... Fentanyl is killing addicts and recreational drug users left right and centre and is being mixed with everything from weed to speed to beyond. Last year in Canada they calculated that someone died every 2 hours from an opiate overdose... well over 7000 people... many who were using narcotics for the first time.

 

This level of desperation calls for some outside help OP.

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