Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 11 to 18 of 18

Thread: Update on a messy situation

  1. #11
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2019
    Posts
    15
    Hey Cope, thank you for your reply. Both answers are really insightful considering he was the one to say he had come to this realisation a long time ago, so it makes full sense for him to be at a different stage to me. Im sure ill stop fantasising soon enough! Thank you x

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    British Columbia, Canada
    Posts
    2,626
    Gender
    Female
    I agree with the other members. Be kind to yourself and leave room for yourself to grow in positive ways. You should be aware of what you let into your life and cognizant of those effects on you. Pay close attention to your emotions and if something or someone causes feelings of distress and confusion, it's your instincts and your natural in-born abilities telling you that this situation doesn't sit right.

    Move on and surround yourself with more positive experiences.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Posts
    2,852
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by SGH
    Think of this as a relapse and double down your efforts. It takes a really f-ed up person to end a relationship and then to proceed to look for reassurances/an ego stroke/a shoulder to cry on from the person they broke up with!

    Social media is a powerful addiction. Remember the pain of looking next time you're tempted.
    Unfortunately many exes do this. They dump the person but then don't respect that the person needs time to heal and move on and still want the attention and ego strokes and advantages but don't want the relationship. Block and delete.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    21,554
    Block him, already.

    He said he does not love you. No reason to be in contact. You are only hurting yourself.

  5.  

  6. #15
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Wilds of Texas
    Posts
    9,992
    Gender
    Female
    So you snooped on his media and what did you find? That he is doing perfectly well. He isn't too sad to go out, take pics, post about himself and what he is doing, meet new people and flirt with new women. You know what that tells you? He is indeed moving on and actively so.

    Contacting you is typical of certain types of particularly selfish dumpers. He wants a safety net, he wants to keep you in the back pocket, but not because he wants you anymore, only so he doesn't ever have to even risk being alone. So, he has a sadz - maybe his plans fell through that day, maybe he stubbed his big toe on something, sadz - so he uses you. A tug on the line to make sure you are still hooked, still there for him even though he discarded you. Guess what - he isn't there for you, OP.

    Please do yourself a favor and just block him. Him contacting you isn't about caring, it's about using you, it's about his selfishness.

    Find a man who actually cares about you, who reciprocates. I think it's great you are going away for a bit. The more time passes, the more you'll be able to see how crummy this guy and this relationship really was. I know it's hard to see it right now, but 20/20 hindsight does come around eventually and it brings peace with it. Meanwhile you just have to persevere and do your best to protect yourself.

  7. #16
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Posts
    16,790
    Gender
    Female
    You're playing directly into his hand by taking the bait, while he sits front row and center. As long as you continue to participate, he'll be happy to keep this game going.

    It's time to put the focus on you.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    10,325
    Gender
    Female
    Let me ask you. If you broke up with someone that you still cared for, but not enough to continue on with, would you still call him? Especially after they've made it clear they don't want you to?

    Would you call him despite the fact that you know it's being insensitive and selfish?

    Would you call him in spite of the fact that you had nothing to offer him and knew that by contacting him, you were actually hurting him and making it more difficult for him to move on?
    I am going to guess not.

    It's not ok to keep reaching out to someone you just crushed by ending a relationship with.
    It's selfish and mean.

    Being the dumper is often difficult and sometimes painful. But you don't seek comfort from the very person you walked away from.
    Last edited by reinventmyself; 06-25-2019 at 08:41 PM.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    22,348
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    Being the dumper is often difficult and sometimes painful. But you don't seek comfort from the very person you walked away from.
    I double this. If you want to allow yourself to be manipulated into ego stroking the guy, then there you are. It's not against the law, it just doesn't buy you anything but a setback.

    Skip answering unknown numbers, and trust that if anyone is calling to tell you that you've won a million dollars, voicemail was invented for taking messages so you can call back.

Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •