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Thread: Is he lying to me? If yes, why then?

  1. #1
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    Is he lying to me? If yes, why then?

    Hello guys! Well it’s been 6 months that I have this Long Distance Relationship. Well you know, the first two months always seem “perfect” but then you realize that that was just too good to be true. Anyway our relationship was hard but it wasn’t bad, until a week ago when he tells me that he feels down and doesn’t want to talk to anyone. I tried not to take it personally and told him that i’ll always be there for him. We’ve been talking less and less now, but I checked his instagram and he has followed other girls and seems to be interacting with other people. He doesn’t reply when I send him pictures or when I say I love him. Just one day before this “low mood” hit him he was telling me how much he loves me and now suddenly I’m nothing. Im question whether all he said to me was a lie but why would he do that? This is causing me so much pain. I told him that I’m afraid I’ll loose him, he said that even if it happens it’s not the end of the world but that’s not the case with us. I don’t know what to believe, I feel gaslighted. The pain of this is so big. I'm afraid he will leave me.
    PS: Please be nice, I know you all have perfect lifes and make perfect desicion, but if you're going to be mean I don't want your reply at all.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Cope's Avatar
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    Isn't this the guy you broke up with and was aggressive? Why did you take him back?

  3. #3
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    How much time have you spent with him in person, OP?

    He doesn't sound anywhere near as invested as you are. If he's in a low mood, leave him be. Messaging him with pictures or "I love you" is not going to bring you reassurance. Sometimes we just have to recognize that the other person doesn't feel the way we do, and walk away.

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    He called me, apologised, we talked about it and moved one. We had some good days after that and now here I'am.

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    The thing that is hard for me to accept is why would he lie to me without the minimum of empathy. We were talking about being together as if it was our main purpose, like we were a priority to each other (he definetely is for me) but now I feel so neglected.

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    Gold Member leseine7's Avatar
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    I hate the "feeling low/ depressed" move people like to make when they really just want to distance themselves. On one hand, it might be true, but on the other - most of the time when it is coupled with interacting with other women it is a few steps away from the "I need to be single to find myself" conversation, or the "I can't commit right now but still love you," conversation.

    I hope in this case that your gut feeling is wrong and he's just interacting with people who are new, innocent friends. But in my experience, when your feelings are this negative about the circumstances, they're right on point. What you do next with them is totally your call, but I would give it another week, have one more conversation to "come to Jesus" and know what's really happening, and go from there.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. It sounds like the LDR is taking it's toll and he's losing interest. Consider ending it/taking a break. Set yourself free to date local guys who you have more in common with and who are more interested. He is not as invested in this as you are.

    He also doesn't seem to enjoy the topics of conversation: [Register to see the link]

  9. 06-25-2019, 06:27 AM

  10. #8
    Gold Member leseine7's Avatar
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    This is really uncalled for, Billie28. Are you purposely trying to troll OP? She's allowed to say she loves someone if that's what she feels. It's not a lie just because you can't relate. She also stated up front that she preferred not to get the harsh "advice" and it seems like you feel the need to kick her while she's down. You definitely do not need to put in your two cents on a thread if you can't think of something useful to say and get off on making someone feel worse.

    This is the kind of reaction that can be super toxic on these forums. OP is going through something confusing and clearly she knows him if she's been dating him for 6 months. Come on.

    Originally Posted by Billie28
    Why did you lie to him?
    Why did you tell someone you love him and would always be there for him when you don’t even know him??
    Stop playing a fantasy game and expecting reality?!
    No, none of us are living perfect lives or fairytales.
    We live in the real world!

  11. #9
    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by leseine7
    I hate the "feeling low/ depressed" move people like to make when they really just want to distance themselves. On one hand, it might be true, but on the other - most of the time when it is coupled with interacting with other women it is a few steps away from the "I need to be single to find myself" conversation, or the "I can't commit right now but still love you," conversation.

    I hope in this case that your gut feeling is wrong and he's just interacting with people who are new, innocent friends. But in my experience, when your feelings are this negative about the circumstances, they're right on point. What you do next with them is totally your call, but I would give it another week, have one more conversation to "come to Jesus" and know what's really happening, and go from there.
    Thank you! Claiming depression while breaking up with someone has become my least favorite move. It's so manipulative and often translates to "I feel bad, because I'm guilty over not wanting to be with you anymore." Plus, the person being broken up with naturally worries about the person ending the relationship and wants to help. It seems to completely remove responsibility from the dumper in many people's eyes.

    Peace of mind, at this point there is nothing you can do to change the situation. This person has shown you who they are and you would be wise to accept that it is over and move on. People who care and are invested in a relationship with you will not ignore your messages or treat you callously. Willingness to take him back again communicates a lack of respect for yourself and a green light to this man to do whatever he wants, because you will be waiting around whenever he wants to pop back and mess with you.

    It's definitely okay and normal to not always make the "right" decisions the first time. What's important is that you listen to your gut now and stop engaging with someone who is wrecking your self-esteem.

  12. #10
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    Have you actually met this guy or is it just a computer romance?

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