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Thread: Is he lying to me? If yes, why then?

  1. #11
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    Don't let him bring you down like this. If it's meant to be, it will be. We don't all have perfect lives on here. I certainly don't and am suffering the same feelings you are but have walked away, You have been six months, I was two years and believe me, it hurts. Give him the distance he needs and see if he misses you. There are plenty of fish in the sea. What's so special about this one? Think positive and hold your head up high. It's his loss - and that's what you should be thinking. You deserve someone who makes you the centre of his world. Don't accept anything less than that.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by Peace of mind

    I told him that I’m afraid I’ll loose him, he said that even if it happens it’s not the end of the world
    Peace, I hope this doesn't sound mean, I don't mean for it to, but if I had to venture a guess, it would be he feels a tremendous amount of pressure in this relationship, caused by you due to your desperate need to not lose him.

    Telling a man you are afraid to lose him is one of the biggest mistakes you could ever make. The pressure it puts on a man to always have to be there, constantly meeting your needs, otherwise you will crumble and fall to pieces, lost, just as you are feeling now.

    It's not just a pressure, it will eventually become a huge turn off, as is what I suspect now is going on.

    The reason why he is not being truthful about that is because he fears what the truth will do to you. And he does not want the added burden of feeling responsible for your emotions.

    Regardless of whether it works out with this man, moving forward please learn to be ok on your own.

    Yes it hurts when your partner ends things, but as he even said it's not the end of the world, not by a long shot!

    Men want a strong confident woman, whom they know will be just fine if/when they ever want to leave. Not a weak woman, who is afraid to lose him, totally dependent on him for her very survival.

    This is the message you sent him both in words and behavior, the pressure of living up to that became too much.

    My advice now is to leave him alone. Send the message you will be just fine if he ever chooses to leave.

    I'm sorry and hope you feel better soon!

  3. #13
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    I just read your previous thread -- you have never even met this man in person.

    If I may ask, how did you allow yourself to become so emotionally dependent on a man you've never met? To the point you are this afraid to lose him?

    I understand the feelings, but how does this type of LDR or cyber relationship even work? I have always been curious about that.

    What do your "dates" consist of?

    Serious question.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 06-25-2019 at 10:32 AM.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Peace of mind
    Hello guys! Well it’s been 6 months that I have this Long Distance Relationship. Well you know, the first two months always seem “perfect” but then you realize that that was just too good to be true. Anyway our relationship was hard but it wasn’t bad, until a week ago when he tells me that he feels down and doesn’t want to talk to anyone. I tried not to take it personally and told him that i’ll always be there for him. We’ve been talking less and less now, but I checked his instagram and he has followed other girls and seems to be interacting with other people. He doesn’t reply when I send him pictures or when I say I love him. Just one day before this “low mood” hit him he was telling me how much he loves me and now suddenly I’m nothing. Im question whether all he said to me was a lie but why would he do that? This is causing me so much pain. I told him that I’m afraid I’ll loose him, he said that even if it happens it’s not the end of the world but that’s not the case with us. I don’t know what to believe, I feel gaslighted. The pain of this is so big. I'm afraid he will leave me.
    PS: Please be nice, I know you all have perfect lifes and make perfect desicion, but if you're going to be mean I don't want your reply at all.
    He's showing you what he really is. It's painful but you'll have to realize it on your own. Remember that we all get to choose. You get to choose what you want to bring into your life.

    Letting him believe that you are fearful he will leave you is adding fuel to the fire. He doesn't need to know that and you should never be fearful of people who treat you badly or allow it to immobilize you. The first step in acknowledging a situation that's unhealthy for you is in recognizing what it is and then proactively developing a better future and a better life away from the cause of (unnecessary) distress.

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  6. #15
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    How much time have you two spent together in person?

    Not over a piece of electronic equipment, but IN PERSON? This is key.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    How much time have you two spent together in person?

    Not over a piece of electronic equipment, but IN PERSON? This is key.
    Bolt, they have never met in person (previous thread from last month, the one Wisemsn linked).

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    Bolt, they have never met in person (previous thread from last month, the one Wisemsn linked).
    I know, but she is dodging the question (asked by 3 different people). I was hoping to get a response directly from her to get clarification on her take on the situation.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    I know, but she is dodging the question (asked by 3 different people). I was hoping to get a response directly from her to get clarification on her take on the situation.
    Oh ok, apologies for barging in.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    OP it's very concerning that you are hanging on so desperately to a "relationship" with someone you have never met and is something you should consider addressing with a therapist. He very likely just wants to end it but doesn't have the courage to do so, so he is trying to force you to do it by pulling away and causing conflict with you. I suggest taking the hint and moving on from this... and find someone that you can spend time with IRL.

  11. #20
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    If you have never met him, you don't know if you really like him. I would recommend dating somebody local, and stop living in a fantasy world.

    Relationships are built on face-to-face dates.

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