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Thread: He broke up but says he loves me

  1. #11
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    Thank you for that. The argument wasnít about goals and future. He actually was thinking of proposing me. It was the result of lack of communication so we hurt each other quite bad. Your insight about him wanting the comfort of me being there without committing to me is quite eye opening.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    But after 4 years that hasn't happened. "Thinking of" is not a wedding date. This is a relationship of convenience for him. That's why he shuts down any meaningful communication.
    Originally Posted by Ilaria007
    was thinking of proposing me.

  3. #13
    Gold Member leseine7's Avatar
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    While I think some of the responders are being a bit unnecessarily harsh here, I do have to say that it does appear that you are being blatantly taken advantage of here. It's clear that you would be better off moving out, setting the boundary (e.g. "This is over 100% - no in-between, no roommates situation between us, over."), and moving on with your life. As you have already stated - HE is the one with some need for you to continue living with him because of issues he should be dealing with. You absolutely should not be catering to his needs and inappropriate requests.

    After 4 years, it can be very hard to see your own independent self from the relationship, especially if it was a confusing one like this - where you have someone toying with you and saying he "thinks about" getting engaged while never actually having an intention of doing so, and placing his wishes very far over yours. It's time for you to be a little selfish too. Please, for your own sake (and the sake of your future), move on from this jerk.

  4. #14
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    Omg, the problem with this thing here is that I really want to take my original post down as I donít think I explained the situation well and I think it doesnít help at all.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    You guys are sorely codependent and you are so addicted to him that he is going out with a new female in his life while you enable it.

    Sorry but by all accounts he is just there untill he locks in the new girl. He will use her to get himself unaddicted to you.

    Move out and get yourself into therapy to help you to rehab from your codependent addiction to him and to guide you into knowing what enabling is.

    Don't stay stagnated in a dead relationship because HE WILL FEEL UNSETTLED. Let him get his own therapy to help him with that.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    I think you should move out. He says just enough to keep you there and I see how it benefits him, but at your expense. Meanwhile he's going for walks and having coffee with his new lady friend while you stay behind in hopes he changes his mind.

    Situations like these start off with two people tippy toeing around each other and with each turn, something goes wrong. Drama and misunderstandings ensue. It goes so wrong the place starts to stink. Once it's gotten to this point, there is no turning back.

    Your best bet is to leave on a high note and with some self respect. He will ultimately lose respect for you while you stay for his comfort while he's confiding in someone new.

    You are basically helping him wean himself from you. I hope you realize that.

  8. #17
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    He lost the right to use you for "stability" when he opted not to work things out with you, OP.

    It's not your job to make his life comfortable while he shops for your replacement. Because when he finds her, I can guarantee he suddenly won't need you to provide him a stable home life anymore. He'll be happy to show you the door then.

    With due respect, you need to wake up here, girl.

  9. #18
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    We have decided to try again. I didnít beg him to do that because I donít do begging, he suggested it. We had a long talk about the future and how we feel. It may not work, but at least we try. Every situation is different and everyone is different.

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