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Thread: Distant boyfriend during pregnancy

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by Fudgie
    This.

    It is not readily clear from your post, OP, who acted poorly first. Maybe it is a combination of both. However, your behavior has been down right abusive. Yes, he's been distant but you've called him a sperm donor.

    I think you need to own up to that without blaming the pregnancy and you both need some professional therapy together. If he refuses to go, remind him what happens if you guys split: child support, big $$ out of his paycheck, and an awkward visitation relationship with the child.
    Yes you two are right, even I can't even pinpoint exactly who's acted poorly first.It really all has been one big emotional blur. If we discuss again, I'll try to make it clear again that I really am sorry without bringing up the pregnancy. I'll take into consideration about what you've said if we split. Thank you for your insight.

  2. #12
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    Neither of you seems to be able to let go of your ego, pride or victim mentality.

    If the two of you continue to refuse to interact in a mature manner and instead insist on finger pointing, your child will grow up in a home filled with tension, anger and frustration. What do you think that will do to your child's emotional health?

    If you two can't get it together, a separation would be best. At least your child will grow up in two peaceful households instead of in a war zone.

  3. #13
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    Is this the same guy from your previous thread, (below)? If so, I'm not sure why you decided to risk having a child with him.

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  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Neither of you seems to be able to let go of your ego, pride or victim mentality.

    If the two of you continue to refuse to interact in a mature manner and instead insist on finger pointing, your child will grow up in a home filled with tension, anger and frustration. What do you think that will do to your child's emotional health?

    If you two can't get it together, a separation would be best. At least your child will grow up in two peaceful households instead of in a war zone.
    You're absolutely right. The emotional health of my child will be detrimental and I definitely don't want that. I do admit that I've needed therapy for awhile but I have just been procrastinating to go. I really do want my child to have two loving parents who love her and love each other. I'll keep aiming for couples counseling. Our lease ends in October so there's about 4 months of trying to get it together. But you're right, a separation will have to be the next step because I don't want her to live with this toxicity and tension between us.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by HeartGoesOn
    Is this the same guy from your previous thread, (below)? If so, I'm not sure why you decided to risk having a child with him.

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    Yes. Things had changed for the better for awhile. But here I am now, which is why here in this thread I had said to him that I thought this was all a mistake. I do love him but I truly believe he just doesn't love me or never has. I took a huge risk and now it's backfiring on me. I just wonder how he will be when the baby is here.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by Drea1024
    Yes. Things had changed for the better for awhile. But here I am now, which is why here in this thread I had said to him that I thought this was all a mistake. I do love him but I truly believe he just doesn't love me or never has. I took a huge risk and now it's backfiring on me. I just wonder how he will be when the baby is here.
    If it turns out he's a loving, involved father to the child but your relationship with him remains poor, what would you do then?

    My husband and I were not compatible (it turned out), but he's a terrific father. We ended up divorcing (which was the right decision), but it didn't affect the kids as badly as one might think.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    If it turns out he's a loving, involved father to the child but your relationship with him remains poor, what would you do then?

    My husband and I were not compatible (it turned out), but he's a terrific father. We ended up divorcing (which was the right decision), but it didn't affect the kids as badly as one might think.
    If he does turn out to be that way, and my relationship with him is still poor then I would definitely separate from him and we will just have to co-parent. The longer I've been with him now it's becoming apparent that we aren't compatible in pretty much anything. We really are so different. For the sake of my daughter, I really hope he is a great father.

  9. #18
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    What was his initial reaction when you found out you were pregnant?

  10. #19
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    31 and 35? I figured you both were about 20 based on what you say. I suspect he's not happy at all about becoming a father soon. If he wont go for counseling then you need to go. He also needs a smack upside the head for being so unsupportive. If you stay with him, better get some good birth control for later.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Snny's Avatar
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    In my recent experience, counseling CAN be a “quack” if you end up with the wrong therapist. I had to seek THREE different therapists for my postpartum depression and anger (due to my husband losing his job, I didn’t qualify for maternity leave, and he was lying to me around the birth of our daughter) - and that was several months ago. My EAP was a complete F’ing joke and a disaster. So do expect to do some “shopping” when it comes to counseling.

    I do agree with Melancholy’s advice. If he doesn’t go, then you need to step up for yourself AND your child. All of your decisions that will be making from this point forward will be on behalf of the well being of your kids. Also consider with your current situation, you might be headed for postpartum. The sooner you seek the resources, the better it will be for you and your family.

    Right now, focus on the upcoming birth. Worry about the relationship after.

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