His female best friend

[JessicaC5]

Hey everyone.

I’ve been dating a guy for just over two months now (around 2-3 dates per week). We’re both 25.

He’s got a female best friend who he has lunch with at work every day (we work in the same corporation so I see them having lunch as I have lunch in the same work restaurant). The female best friend is our age, and they’ve been friends about 10 years. I was totally fine with her, but I’ve started to become more and more aware of just how much he sees her. I suggested that he invites her to come and sit with me and my friend in the work restaurant as it would be nice to meet her, but that hasn’t happened. He has even said he brushed her hair this week at work because she ‘didn’t have a mirror’. I was okay with it, but now I’m not, and I’ve expressed to him that I wouldn’t generally brush my friends’ hair, but he just said they’re close and do stuff like that.

Should I be concerned? Not only do they have lunch together every day but they also go for walks in the evenings. She is also single.

Any advice or tips would be so appreciated. I have been keen on him but now feel like his female best friend is constantly on my mind!

Jessica x

[Wiseman2]

Did you know either of them before you started dating them? Why isn't he dating her? He seems to want to spend much time with her. It may be better to avoid this complicated dating and work situation. However you can not tell him who his friends should be, who to have lunch with, who to spend time with or who to have lunch with you. btw "if i meet her, she's not a threat" is a myth.

I’ve been dating a guy for just over two months now (around 2-3 dates per week). We’re both 25.
He’s got a female best friend who he has lunch with at work every day (we work in the same corporation so I see them having lunch as I have lunch in the same work restaurant). Not only do they have lunch together every day but they also go for walks in the evenings.

[JessicaC5]

I didn’t know her before I started dating him. I was friends with him for just a few weeks before we started dating.

I know the dating and work combo isn’t ideal but he’s really nice and we get on. It’s just a shame he sees her a lot too! As you say, I can’t tell him who to have lunch with!

[bluecastle]

Have you met other friends of his? Has he met friends of yours? Has there been any small steps toward integrating your lives a bit more? Do the people at work know you're dating?

I'm of mixed minds here, at least until I understand this a bit better.

[JessicaC5]

Have you met other friends of his? Has he met friends of yours? Has there been any small steps toward integrating your lives a bit more? Do the people at work know you're dating?

I'm of mixed minds here, at least until I understand this a bit better.

We haven’t met each other’s friends yet. Although I did think that he would introduce the female best friend seeing as she is also working at the same place. People at work do know we are dating, and we’ve been integrating our personal lives by spending time over each other’s houses.

Thanks for your reply. Look forward to your thoughts!

[smackie9]

You have only been dating for a short time. It's obvious he's still feeling things out with you before friends and family are introduced. My guess is he likes his relationship with her, but will probably will let her go when the right woman comes along. Things are not serious enough with you for him to let you get fully involved with his life is what I see.

Personal Note: IMO him brushing her hair is down right creepy....bates motel creepy. This would be a dealbreaker for me. I've had guy friends, and there is no way I treated them like a girl, asking them to brush my hair. That just doesn't feel right.

[boltnrun]

He has lunch with her instead of you even though you're in the same place and eat at the same time?

[MissCanuck]

He has lunch with her instead of you even though you're in the same place and eat at the same time?

I find that odd too.

Does she not know you're dating, OP?

[abitbroken]

I can understand if you are keeping things on the downlow and sometimes he eats with his boss or someone he is on a project with but same woman every day and he never has lunch with you - just with her? Nope. If he wanted to keep dating you on the downlow due to work policy, he would expand the "lunch group" and sit with you, her, your friend, etc. And he should not be brushing her hair unless she has limited mobility and in that case a female friend should do it

[waffle]

Weird. She is definitely the more important person in his life right now. You will just have to decide if this is acceptable to you. I wouldn't be cool with it; I'd pass, and sooner rather than later before I got too invested. It's much harder to do down the road after feeeeeeeeelings get involved.

I, too, wonder why they aren't dating if they are that close.