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Thread: Should I stay in this relationship? Need perspective

  1. #31
    Platinum Member Cope's Avatar
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    I can't agree with DancingFool more. I've been following your thread since the beginning and he reeks manipulation from miles, for an outsider. It's not easy to see when you're in it.

    His cheating doesn't really bother me, as much as what he said to you. Sometimes people cheat near the end of a relationship and in general, I can understand that people make mistakes and change; a serial cheater in my book, is someone who cheats repeatedly on the same partner.

    To the point though, what he's doing is basically what DancingFool said, he's lowering your self esteem and self worth; this way you will crave his attention in any small dose he'll provide it to you and you'll have all your focus on him and his needs. You'll find yourself always doing what he wants etc.

    Stating that he basically feels the same for every woman he's been with might also show that he never felt anything and is incapable of commiting. His confession might seem honest, because,sure, when you were in every relationship at some point you've thought of them as the one, but once you're out, you see them for what they truly were. Mind you, bashing an ex is also a bad sign. This "honesty" makes the manipulation ever worse because it seems as though he's right, yet he isn't. If he had empathy, he wouldn't say you're like all the others.


    It's a very very unhealthy path, so please be cautious.

  2. #32
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Some men are not ready to love and this may be why he cheated. If he said he did not appreciate his ex's, that's what happened. He may indeed be monogamous.

    One of my exe's cheated and jumped from man to man like crazy, when she was young and immature. Why? because she was cute, always had a man waiting in the wings, and did not care, because she was never in love with any of them. But she was mature when I met her, and monogamous with me.

    You are asking too many questions about his past relationships. Stop it! You are just creating drama. Who he is with, you, is who he loves. The love he had for any ex's is dead and gone. So stop feeling jelous of ghosts from the past that have no bearing today.

    I think you are making mountains out of molehills.

  3. #33
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    I don't think people cheat because they are not ready to love. I think people who betray other people do so because their values justify betraying other people. I would hate it if someone tried to excuse a betrayal like that with "I guess I wasn't ready to love so instead I chose to hurt you and deceive you." People who value treating others appropriately do so whether they feel in love or not or whether there is temptation. Because if you're not ready to love or you always have someone else waiting you don't cheat- you end things with the person and move on. It's always a choice.

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