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Thread: Preference or stereotypical? (Can be controversial topic)

  1. #1
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    Preference or stereotypical? (Can be controversial topic)

    I dated this girl, and I had been wondering if i have been overthinking it. Ill save you the long story for another thread, but I just want to get other people's thoughts on it. She said she only dates men that are black. When I asked her why out of curiosity she says that all white men are "douchey". This got me thinking, because when I was going out with her over the short amount of time I noticed that all her male friends were white and her Exes were of darker skin color which i thought that was kind of a red flag. She would try and argue with me about racism(not gonna be going into detail) being pretty ignorant about it stating that I was wrong, and I didn't know what I was talking about. When I asked her what do you like about me, she gave some vague reasons which is when I actually started to like her more, but then she said It's because I am black. When she was at the bars drunk and intoxicated however she would hit on white men which got me real confused.

    She got mad at me, because I had friends that were girls that were on my social media and accused me of talking to someone else. When i called her out for having guy friends on her social media she said it was ok, because they were white meaning they're automatically friendzoned. When she was comparing me to her one Ex, she said I was a nicer "black guy" and that this ex treated her like dirt and compared to me I was nice.

    Again ill save you the long story for another thread, but we broke up at a bar with her on drugs and drunk screaming at me because I apparently called her crazy, kind of like a he said she said scenario(cant really remember, but I just took the blame for it).

    What do you all think is there a difference between preference or stereotyping? Was my situation a little extreme? or was it just her preference? Personally I think no matter what your background a person should love you for who you are not just because of your skin tone. Maybe she was driven by preference, but something tells me she didn't really like me for who I was but I could be overthinking it :(

    Sorry for the controversial topic

  2. #2
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Preference is preference, we like what we like, stereotyping though is where things start to get a bit more sketchy.

    You seem to have a chip on your shoulder though. Also you, yourself are dating outside your race which would be the pot calling the kettle black.

    Face your own feelings about race, then go back out into the dating world, dating isn’t therapy and it’s not a mirror of who we are, it’s simplu dating, don’t give other people your burdens, it’s not fair to them or you.

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    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    She doesn't like classless men but she doesn't seem to be an exemplary specimen herself. I wouldn't take it so personally. Just start hanging around better people. The opinions or attitudes of people you can't help but not trust shouldn't weigh much in the larger scheme of things. If she's not targeting you for your race or pursuing any acts of harassment or violence to your person in particular or your loved ones, just be smart about things and avoid such individuals.

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    It depends why the preference -if it's for a racist reason well then it's racist, right? If it's because of a generalization -about height, for example, then that person knows he/she is limiting the dating pool and there's nothing wrong with that -the only consequence is less of a dating pool. It's not hurting anyone unless the person acts in a rude way about expressing her preferences. I don't think whether people accept others no matter what their skin tone has anything to do with dating preferences -you can accept someone, feel love for that person, and choose not to date that person (especially if the person is looking for a long term commitment -then that person might have his or her reasons to prefer to marry within his own race or background or culture or religion, etc).

    For example, I have friends who are bisexual. I do not stereotype about people who are gay, I have gay friends, etc. I would not have dated a person who was bisexual because despite being supportive of the gay community, I would not have wanted to be involved with someone who was not heterosexual like me. To me my support and my preference are perfectly consistent.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    There seems to be a lot going on here, with the different compartments spilling into each other and causing some confusion.

    The big thing going on? Sounds like you got into a pretty awful relationship with, putting it generously, a less-than-quality human, with the race stuff hardly factoring into that, or at least no more than the bar stuff, the drug stuff, the social media stuff, the train-barely-attached-to-the-rails stuff. So much low quality across the spectrum that I don't think there's even a need to toss "racism" into it. It's a bit like trying to understand a fire by throwing a grenade into it.

    So you're spun around a bit, as happens. Black, white, blue, green, sequined: we all spin the same in these matters.

    As for the question of preference vs. stereotyping? Yeah, there's a difference. Stereotyping is saying all white men are "douchey," but preferring to date white men (over black, Asian, whatever) is just a preference. People are into what they're into. Some are very into one thing, some are very into the buffet. A white woman might be particularly attracted to black men, no different than I (white man) tend to be attracted to tall, thin, dark-complected women. I've dated outside that subset, enjoyably, but that seems to be my "preference"—the person who catches my eye in a bar, while flipping through a magazine, watching TV. On that note, I happen to prefer people who read more than they watch TV, but I've got nothing against television. Preferences, in short.

    The issues of race, of course, is more loaded. As figureitout said, it sounds like one you're reckoning with on your own—which may be something of a forever thing, but one that's a bit volatile at the moment and found a really volatile laboratory (i.e. her) in which to do some reckoning. And probably best, in general, to not use dating and women as way of exploring that stuff.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    This has nothing to do with race. It has to do with dating an ignorant sleazy woman. Stop hanging out with her and find women who are not this bizarre.
    Originally Posted by phillyphill
    -all white men are "douchey".
    -I asked her what do you like about me, she said It's because I am black.
    -she was at the bars drunk and intoxicated, she would hit on white men which got me real confused.

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    Be glad you dodged that bullet!

    She might simply be attracted to black men, but not white men. That is a preference. It seems odd to me, but that's her choice. But if she were attracted to black men for a common belief about the race (like her saying all white men are douchey), that is stereotypical.

    Either way, be thankful you didn't waste too much time on that one!

  9. #8
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    I think she's got a few screws loose, maybe more than a few. She may prefer black guys, and that's her choice. You owe it to yourself to find a girl of whatever race who is not like her. Find one who is kind and not judgemental and who doesnt get drunk in public and say stupid stuff.

  10. #9
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    People are free to date who they want. It's a preference and it's none of your concern.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by Honeycomb8
    People are free to date who they want. It's a preference and it's none of your concern.
    K, cool I disagree though....

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