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Thread: Date question

  1. #71
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    Originally Posted by firstluvstruck
    I sent it. She responded to the last message and this one: would love to but of town for the weekend and back Monday.
    Even if earnest, time to step off, let her reach out, ya?

    Now I'm definitely tired of inviting without reciprocation 🤷🏿♂️
    Yeah, she's not available to date.

    I kind of wonder why bother registering on a dating site if you're soooooo busy and don't have time for dates.

  2. #72
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    Yeah definitely step off, heck step OUT. She most likely has other dates this weekend, the "going out of town" was an excuse.

    Some women simply cannot tell a man she's not into it, I have a friend like this! It's just one excuse after the other, hoping he'll get the hint.

    If she offered an alternate day, I might feel differently, but once again, she did not.

    She's just not interested firstluv, sorry.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 07-04-2019 at 12:06 AM.

  3. #73
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    She's not interested. Just move on and message more women and set up some timely coffee meets. Skip all the pre-meeting banter. Meet asap after a few quick messages.

    Your goal should be to meet in person one-on-one asap to determine of there is chemistry and if you want a second date. You can't build rapport through electronic chitchat. It comes across as stalling or too timid to date or too broke/cheap to date or married and looking to cheat/unavailable. Not meeting asap is usually seen as a red flag.

    In fact women may put you in the "time-waster" or "not that interested in me" basket if you do that instead of asking them out to meet in a timely casual fashion..
    Originally Posted by firstluvstruck
    I sent it. She responded to the last message and this one: would love to but of town for the weekend and back Monday.

  4. #74
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Bummer, buddy.

    But not the worst. Life. I don't want to give you false hope, or keep pulling this string until it disintegrates, because I think you and I have drastically different dispositions on these matters. But for what it's worth? All I'd focus on in that message is "would love to" and "back Monday."

    But by focus? No, I do not mean spending the weekend composing messages to her in your head and considering locations for the wedding. I mean I'd just shrug. If she'd really "love to" she can let me know. If I'm still interested, we can have a glass of wine. If I never hear from her again, I never hear from her again. If I end up seeing her and the vibe is that she's a flake who likes attention, so it goes. If we end up having an awesome time, against all odds, so it goes.

    I don't see a massive difference between all those scenarios, which allows me to stay kind of open to...well, whatever.

    Where's that attitude come from? Can't say exactly. But, for me at least, it comes in handy—not just in dating, but in relationships, when the stakes start becoming real as opposed to generated by a thirsty imagination. Less pressure. Less trying to "figure out" what's "up" with the other person. Less needing to know what it all "means" when there's not enough there to ascribe meaning to.

    Again, for emphasis: I'm not encouraging you to hang on to this one. But I am encouraging you to approach all of this with a softer grip. Whatever is needed to keep that grip loose—be it yoga, always talking to at least 5 women at once, whatever—find it. Hard to find a hand to hold when the fists are clenched.

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  6. #75
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    I mean I'd just shrug.
    Exactly what happened. When I read her response I kind of laughed. Definitely not going through what I did this past week again.

    I've got a few dates set up over the next few days with different women (I kept swiping). So whatever happens at this point happens. Don't even feel like reaching out next week. Feel like a schmuck just thinking about it rn.

  7. #76
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by firstluvstruck
    Exactly what happened. When I read her response I kind of laughed. Definitely not going through what I did this past week again.

    I've got a few dates set up over the next few days with different women (I kept swiping). So whatever happens at this point happens. Don't even feel like reaching out next week. Feel like a schmuck just thinking about it rn.
    Love everything going on here, save the "schmuck" part. Maybe replace that with "human," and cut yourself some slack. Slack is sexy. People swipe right on it.

  8. #77
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    Well you guys were right, as usual. I convinced myself this one would be honest and transparent, especially since we talked about it when we met.

    Thanks for always talking things through with me.

  9. #78
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Did something happen?

  10. #79
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    Against your advice (i know, i know), i reached out mid week. I invited her out for Thursday event, she said had plans but she's around this weekend, so said ok maybe friday. she said busy, maybe sat or sun, "let's play it by ear." I said let's try sat as I'm busy Sunday. She said she's seeing a friend sat. And left it at that.

    Breadcrumbing , yes. I just don't get after this many invites why not just be direct?! She's 36 (I'm 30), I figure she'd be direct if not interested. So many empty half assed counter offers. Just say no!!!! Haha

    I'm focusing on my date tonight - who I met at a salsa class yesterday. Actually very excited.

  11. #80
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    Deleted.... posted before I read update.

    Have fun tonight firstluv!!

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