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Thread: Date question

  1. #51
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Sure, shoot her a note! I agree with everything K is saying, but it doesn’t sound like you’re being totally direct. So ask her if she wants to check out the event (not what she thinks in order to get her to send some emoji signal that you won’t be rejected—snooze).

    If she’s down, great. If she’s not, no biggie. Not a verdict on you, women, men, or humanity at large. A little sting that will go away in 5 minutes.

    I’m direct. Not pushy, not clingy, and I don’t try to “feel people out” through banter. Banter is easy for me—I’m quick and clever with words, and I’m sure that comes in handy in these waters, but I have no interest in someone finding me attractive because of my texting prowess. I also truly don’t care if someone doesn’t want to hang with me who I barely know. There are worse stings out there.

    Work on cultivating that attitude and you’ll find this all easy and fun. The irony with dating is the most attractive people tend to be those who don’t take it too seriously.

  2. #52
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    If she had responded back and showed some interest I'd be like heck yeah, text her, ask her out!

    But damn dude, after initially saying yes, she blew off your date, offered no alternative, and then blew off your "how is your weekend" text.

    So given that, it's not really a game so much as simply valuing and respecting yourself.

    But your call, good luck hope it works out.
    Agreed. If I was him, I would not send the infamous second text so soon after not getting a response back from first text.
    I agree that always waiting at least a week after an ignored text is the best way to go.
    And who knows, she may respond to you within that time span before you even send a second text.
    Plus, from my dating experience, people you're just getting to know around the holidays tend to act funny because this is a time in which they are planning events with friends/family,etc.
    Which is why I think it was best he shot her a text or call after the holiday when things simmered down.

  3. #53
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    Ugh. I'll keep you guys posted. Thank you for being patient and talking me through this.
    Now I just need patience!

    Oh one more thought. Let's say I do wait a week to reach out again; do I have to initiate conversation again instead of being direct.

    Now that I put myself in her shoes, having not heard from me in a while would instill some curiosity.

    Anywayy, will let you know what I decide. The need to clear headspace may outweigh all.

  4. #54
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Just ask her out for a quick coffee, drink, whatever one-on-one real date. It's fine to ask her which time/day is best and if she likes a favorite place. Skip the confusing "playful banter", it can be misinterpreted and it makes no sense to bother with that. Flirt in person. You can't build rapport with that or texts or videos or links. You build rapport in person.

    Playing too many games will backfire. The link to the museum with "you game?" is weak and lazy. It sounds like you're texting a friend, not a date. If she gets this type of indifferent lazy communication she may be put off that you are not inviting her on an actual date but just seeing if she'll tag along. It completely removes mutual availability and instead locks down a time only convenient for you.

    If you want to date, you'll have to date, not send a plethora of links, videos, texts, etc or treat this like she's allowed to tag along to something that does not consider whether she's even available at that time/day.. Try to make a decent impression and In Person.

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  6. #55
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    I see. Ok, l'll take a step back and ask if she'd like to go out/is free this weekend first.

  7. #56
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    I agree. Ask for a date, not a hang out.

    I also agree that playful banter is not going to get you what you want, which I presume is another actual date...not a texting buddy.

  8. #57
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    So then something closer to what bluecastle suggested: hey x! How are you? Are you free this weekend? I would like to see you again!"

    And then offer the museum idea if she says yes.
    ?

  9. #58
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    Maybe add something more smile worthy in that first text so it's not a snooze

  10. #59
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    Do you want to do something sounds like a hang out.

    "There's a great event going on at the museum on this day/date. Would you like to come with me?"

  11. #60
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    Wiseman is saying not to suggest a time/date without asking her availability first, though?

    Ha I've thought about this way too much now. At least I'm a little more level headed now as a result of beating myself up nonstop.

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