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Thread: Date question

  1. #21
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    You're right. I'm using a very very specific sample to judge.
    Time for a break, indeed

  2. #22
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    Is it cool to follow up with her closer to the weekend to see if she's still interested?
    With a phone call perhaps?

  3. #23
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    It's a busy time for alot of people with the Holiday approaching.
    If I were you, I'd wait till after to try contacting her but it's ultimately up to you.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by firstluvstruck
    Is it cool to follow up with her closer to the weekend to see if she's still interested?
    Sure. But just wait a day or two and see if she gets back to you.

    Correct me if I'm wrong, but you hung out a week ago? This weekend she has friends in town—that happens. In your shoes I wouldn't "carry on the convo for a few more days," but would simply say, "Cool—how's the week after for you? My schedule is wide open and I look forward to seeing you again."

    That's just me, but I think it works. I don't want to "carry on the convo" over texting, because I think that's passive bs. It's not who I am—not the way I want a relationship to feel if it gets there, so it's not a foundation I entertain early.

    You seem super quick to assume the worst—to kind of back down at the slightest record scratch. She doesn't respond for less than a day, and you're jumping to the worst case scenarios. But even those scenarios—that she's ghosting after a date because some Ken Doll on the app put some new wind behind her said—aren't even that bad.

    When you can see it like that, it's all gravy, especially at this stage.

    Obviously, I can't read your messages after she told you she had friends in town, but did you make it clear you'd like to see her? Did you offer a plan? Or did you drift into small talk over text?

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  6. #25
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    Made it clear. Didn't offer a plan because i thought it was too soon!

    And yeah I do jump to the worst. It's a very bad habit and it's very stressful. It's not healthy

  7. #26
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    I’m curious: what does making it clear look like? She says she has friends coming to town and you say...what?

    And why too soon? You’ve gone on one date and would like another. That is literally ALL you want from her, no? Not ambiguous texts, and a little pixilated game of cat and mouse.

    It seems you’re worried about being over eager, but it’s hardly overeager to only be interested in seeing each other again. So keep the focus on that—and that only—while understanding people have lives and it might take a few days to happen.

  8. #27
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    Making it clear: (asked her out to a specific event the day after first date).
    After saying she'd love to but has friends coming and we should hang after, I said that I remember her telling me and would definitely like to hang after her friends leave. I did not specify a time/place/etc at this time. I then I asked about some stuff we had talked about and sent a video I told her about.

    Yes, true, I don't want the random texts. I'd like a date.
    I think I'm worried that the lack of witty banter over text is hurting me. Again...assuming the worst.

    I see what you're saying: shy away from minor, non goal oriented texts. We aren't at that stage yet. And also to not worry about coming off as too eager. I mean, hell, being eager is a good thing!

  9. #28
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    Originally Posted by firstluvstruck

    I see what you're saying: shy away from minor, non goal oriented texts. We aren't at that stage yet.
    Sorry I'm lost. What do you mean you are not at that stage yet? The stage for some light fun banter via text that make you both laugh?

    There is no stage for that, heck my bf and had a blast via text/email before we even met! We also exchanged more substantive messages but for the most part it was light and fun!

    There is an "art" to giving good text, playful teasing and such, and we continued with the light fun banter after we met, it kept our connection alive in between dates.

    And I know many will disagree because they hate text, but personally I enjoyed a bit of the "pixilated game of cat and mouse" too.

    Kept us on our toes so to speak, added to the fun, and even increased our attraction.

    And after 1.5 years. I still light up when I see a message from him.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 07-02-2019 at 02:29 PM.

  10. #29
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    I actually regretted saying that but got busy with work and couldn't edit. Yes, I do like the back and forth in between dates.
    So then, yeah, I am a little butthurt I didn't get a response. It wasn't something fun or witty though.
    I've wanted to send some interesting articles/funny vids but i think my next text will be asking her out?

  11. #30
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Yes cut to the chase and ask her out don't become a text buddy or send videos etc.

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