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Thread: 1st day NC

  1. #1
    Gold Member Limiya's Avatar
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    1st day NC

    I've been through this before many years ago.
    I know what to do.
    But I forgot how painful it is, and how much of struggle it was.

    It's been almost a week and i'm still crying most days. My heart physically aches, and my stomach hurts.
    Food is a difficult concept to me now, along with the inability to sleep much.
    I've done my best, I've made myself crystal clear and so has he.
    It's done, it's over.

    Tonight I might be able to manage, as I have plans and a job to do.
    The difficulty will be stopping myself driving past his house. Why do I have such the urge to do that?
    It achieves nothing but more heartbreak.

    Argh, I have to really go easy on myself from now on. I'm not going to heal overnight.
    *deep breath*
    Here we go day 1.

  2. #2
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    Stay strong. Your pain will lessen a tiny bit with each passing day. I went through the same pain and agony. It's such a shock to the system. It feels surreal. It sucks, but NC has to be done in order to heal. So sorry you are going through all this. I empathise with you. What helped me get through this awful time was focusing on the bad parts of the relationship. If I allowed myself to think of the good times, I would just start the cycle of tears, heartbreak, dispair etc. I've been NC for a year now and I feel better. You will too. Just let time heal your heart and soul.

  3. #3
    Gold Member Limiya's Avatar
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    I am trying, but honestly there were not many bad parts at all. And he is a lovely person.
    The problem was with me, and he became tired of waiting for me, so ended it. And he's seeing someone else although he insists he isn't in a relationship with anyone.
    I have made myself perfectly clear and told him I want this to be serious and to make a go of this properly together.
    He just says it's too late.

    I can only try my best so much, but it's killing me not being able to call or text or see him. The worse thing is he is so nice that if I text him he will reply, but keep it brief and cold.
    If I call him he will answer but insist he has made his mind up and won't change it.
    So it turns into me trying to convince him otherwise and him just being nice but firm.
    It's embarrassing and I need to stop humiliating myself.
    The problem is he always thought I wasn't invested enough in the relationship, so me giving up now feels like i'm reinforcing that.
    I feel like doing my best to fight for him and convince him i'm serious would show him that that's not the case.
    And that goes against NC.

    It's such a mess. I am trying to keep away from contact for the moment to try and get to a point I can think more clearer.
    1 step and a time.

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    Originally Posted by Limiya
    I am trying, but honestly there were not many bad parts at all. And he is a lovely person.
    The problem was with me, and he became tired of waiting for me, so ended it. And he's seeing someone else although he insists he isn't in a relationship with anyone.
    I have made myself perfectly clear and told him I want this to be serious and to make a go of this properly together.
    He just says it's too late.

    I can only try my best so much, but it's killing me not being able to call or text or see him. The worse thing is he is so nice that if I text him he will reply, but keep it brief and cold.
    If I call him he will answer but insist he has made his mind up and won't change it.
    So it turns into me trying to convince him otherwise and him just being nice but firm.
    It's embarrassing and I need to stop humiliating myself.
    The problem is he always thought I wasn't invested enough in the relationship, so me giving up now feels like i'm reinforcing that.
    I feel like doing my best to fight for him and convince him i'm serious would show him that that's not the case.
    And that goes against NC.

    It's such a mess. I am trying to keep away from contact for the moment to try and get to a point I can think more clearer.
    1 step and a time.
    It is extraordinarily hard not to text him or see him but, as you said, "It's embarrassing and I need to stop humiliating myself." Please don't chase something that no longer exists. You must accept that it's over and move on. He sounds like a lovely person but it's not working for either of you. That is your now reality, unfortunately. Yes, one step at a time. Baby steps. Why do you think the problem was with you? Have you thought about seeking therapy? That may shed some light on how you perceive yourself, etc. Heal yourself first.

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  6. #5
    Gold Member Limiya's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by goddess
    It is extraordinarily hard not to text him or see him but, as you said, "It's embarrassing and I need to stop humiliating myself." Please don't chase something that no longer exists. You must accept that it's over and move on. He sounds like a lovely person but it's not working for either of you. That is your now reality, unfortunately. Yes, one step at a time. Baby steps. Why do you think the problem was with you? Have you thought about seeking therapy? That may shed some light on how you perceive yourself, etc. Heal yourself first.
    Thank you for your reply.
    Yes the problem was with me. We had compatibility issues which kept preventing me from moving us forward into a closer relationship. He wanted us to be together properly, and I would hesitate.
    But now he's actually pulled the rug from under me, all that hesitation has evaporated in a cloud of smoke and suddenly he is all I want. I don't care about anything else that may have bothered me before.
    I feel like I should go to therapy but I've had to pay out a big sum of money recently and I can't afford the fees i'm being quoted at the moment.

    I need to somehow convince myself it's over. My mind plays tricks on me that he'll come back, that this is temporary that eventually he will realise i'm serious and will have a change of heart.
    This is one of the hardest things at the moment to overcome.

  7. #6
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    Why did you only want him after he decided he didn't want you anymore?

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    Gold Member Limiya's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Why did you only want him after he decided he didn't want you anymore?
    I wish I knew. I keep asking myself why.
    I never thought it would hit me like this.
    I have had relationships end which were more serious and i was able to accept and move forward.
    With this one i honestly wasn't expecting to feel so heartbroken. Just the thought of not having him in my life in any way is crushing.

    I thought I was able to protect my heart while we were together, but it looks like he really did get in there and I didn't realise until now.
    I have come clean and told him how I feel, but it's too late for me unfortunately.

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    My situation was very similar to yours. I wasn't invested enough in the relationship and he fell out of love because of it so I sympathise with you. I have been in NC for more than a month now. I did all the convincing as well but it was pointless. Just leave him alone and focus on yourself instead. I still feel heartbroken but I cannot say that I am not in better position now compared to when it was still fresh. Block him from everything, including his number. I did it drastically, I even unfriended all of his friends on social media.

    Today, I even saw him on Tinder, felt really uncomfortable at first but I had to be strong. I just proceeded to block him on Tinder and shrug it off. We cannot control people and that's that.

    You cannot turn back time and you will just further push him away the more you try to convince him to reconcile. I would know. Hang in there, it's going to be a very tough journey but we are all in this together. During the first few days of my break-up I was exactly the same as you. I was a huge mess but now, I'm not quite there yet but it really does get better. One day at a time.

    If you need someone to talk to, my inbox is open.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by Limiya
    Thank you for your reply.
    Yes the problem was with me. We had compatibility issues which kept preventing me from moving us forward into a closer relationship. He wanted us to be together properly, and I would hesitate.
    But now he's actually pulled the rug from under me, all that hesitation has evaporated in a cloud of smoke and suddenly he is all I want. I don't care about anything else that may have bothered me before.
    I feel like I should go to therapy but I've had to pay out a big sum of money recently and I can't afford the fees i'm being quoted at the moment.

    I need to somehow convince myself it's over. My mind plays tricks on me that he'll come back, that this is temporary that eventually he will realise i'm serious and will have a change of heart.
    This is one of the hardest things at the moment to overcome.
    Don't beat yourself up, dear Limiya. With time, you will see that things will get better. I am truly sorry that you've had to learn this the hard way. Perhaps you are now aware of what was holding you back and why, and you can fix it next time. Perhaps one day when you are in a better financial situation you can talk to a counselor. Or, if you feel comfortable, confide in a family member or a close friend. It might help to actually talk to a person IRL. Don't give up. Be kind to yourself and your broken heart will heal at some point. xx

  11. #10
    Gold Member Limiya's Avatar
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    Thank you both so much for your responses and advice

    I parked outside his house again tonight and his car wasn't there. I instantly knew he must be at hers.
    I sat and cried my eyes out. I knew going there would hurt and achieve nothing, but i couldn't stop myself.
    I picked up the phone and called a good friend who really gives me tough love, and he managed to talk me into calming down and driving home.
    I don't know how i got back because I was a bawling crying mess all the way back.

    I really wish I felt nothing. I don't know why it's hit me so hard or why im struggling. I just want him to hold me and tell me it's ok.

    I'm really hating myself for doing it, and I know im not doing myself any favours. I just wish I could see him or speak to him.

    I'm on the sofa now, trying to take deep breaths and pull myself together.

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