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Thread: 1st day NC

  1. #61
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    Oh, I heavily doubt his intentions are to flaunt her about; he's being a major a$$hole by contacting you for quite literally no reason while he's dating her.

    Imagine being with some new guy who seems really interesting for a few months and you find out he's called his ex-girlfriend that he broke up with to follow-up on her cat allergies that don't exist. Your stomach would fall and you'd have the pangs of the kind of feeling that you and I both know all too well right now.

    He should be single if he wants to reach out to you and my guess is that because he's not single and currently has no intentions of being single from this girl yet, he's reaching out to see if you are still invested in him so he has the Linus van Pelt style comfort blanket of the fact that you're still single and readily available and enchanted to him if his current relationship goes the way of the dodo and dies.

    But again, he's miscalculating because you're moving on - not lingering around to be his safety net if he decides to dump this girl. If/When that day comes in the distant future, you'll have moved on to a point where you can think clearly on if it is the right person for you.

    I've broken up with plenty of people in my life; I would never, never contact them unless I was single and wanted to see if we could make things work and even then, it would be seeing if we can hit the hard reset button on our relationship if they are interested and building it from ground-up once again; so there would be no "kisses" at the end of my phone calls... well, not that there ever would be anyways because I'm not 15 anymore... but if he wants to try to blow you kisses he can do so when he's single; but honestly - he's emotionally cheating on his current girlfriend by calling his ex and chatting then ending it with 'kisses'. Remember, he's that ex... the clown one.

    Her heart would probably sink to the pit of her stomach if she knew he does that and it will sink someday because you can't change his nature - he's an a*hole and his relationships will largely turn to ash in life; he'll likely blame others rather than gain self-awareness since that's how it goes usually with these types. You on the other hand are going to be okay and some currently unknown stranger somewhere is going to be so thankful this dumb*ss ruined things between the two of you and dumped you when he meets you in the future.

    You are not any ex-boyfriend's f* comfort blanket of a fallback plan while they hold another relationship; you are single and free right now - you are someone's best decision they ever made, you just haven't met that someone yet.
    Last edited by RyanMI; 09-09-2019 at 10:24 AM.

  2. #62
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    You could very easily stop this from happening ever again.

  3. #63

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    Hello Limiya, I read your post and feel sorry and happy at the same time for your situation and your progress.
    I am curious there is any update?
    No matter what happen, do not initiate any conversation with him. Let time do its work and just keep moving on!!!

  4. #64
    Gold Member Limiya's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by CYork
    Hello Limiya, I read your post and feel sorry and happy at the same time for your situation and your progress.
    I am curious there is any update?
    No matter what happen, do not initiate any conversation with him. Let time do its work and just keep moving on!!!
    Hi,
    No real update honestly.
    I've just gone straight back to No Contact.
    I don't expect any further calls from him. He's managed 2 months so far without contacting me till now, i'm sure he'll just move on.

    I have booked a holiday for the 24th, so i'm looking forward to that.
    I've completely deleted his contact number and I can no longer look at his WhatsApp to check his last seen status anymore.
    I don't want to keep feeling expectation or hope. I want to move to the anger phase and let him go.

    Last night I felt a bit angry which made me feel better about the breakup. Trying to remind myself of negatives of him helps a lot.
    Reading posts above from Ryan helps to put things in perspective also.
    I deserve better than this.

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  6. #65
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    Hey Limiya! Glad to hear from you but sorry to hear he's still an ear-worm of a bad pop-song stuck in your head. I imagine his pop-song would be something involving a sitar and vegan-based bongos? Just by what I've gathered of him and what I've chosen to create in my head.

    Regardless, song sucks but it has that annoying, catchy hook that sticks in your brain on repeat and you swear it will never leave. I know the feeling, don't beat yourself up for it.

    Glad to hear you're going on a vacation - or 'holiday'. I'm from the USA so we call our slacks 'pants' and our pants 'underwear' just to be confusing.. so our holidays are Christmas/Easter/etc...

    You do deserve better than this guy. And it'll happen.

    Problem is that when Pandora shut the box, all that remained within it in her (human) control was hope. Hope is always the last thing to go, the one thing we hold out.

    Hope is "he'll call .. someday" and in that context, it's agonizing and you want hope to finally die.

    But hope is also beautiful. Hope is believing that you will find someone else (you will) and we're not talking settling for some bargain-bin, half-baked kinda guy who doesn't stack up; we're talking about literally feeling the same way you just felt for this guy, but for someone who deserves it.

    I promise you, it's going to happen. I can't say when or where, but I know it will. You and all humans capable of feeling love are literally programmed for moving on. We would not have survived as a species if every time someone we were madly attracted to died or left and we just never found another. We'd have been doomed. So give it time, you will fall for someone else.

    Also, trust me, I know how it feels. I fell - hard - for a woman who seemed like everything I have waited for, and she decided point-blank ~2 months ago that she was just not ready for a committed relationship .. right smack dab in the honeymoon period.. and I've had to accept it but was crushed. I work with her. I sit across from her, almost arms length, aiming at her. I literally watch as she leaves for walks on lunch with another single male coworker lol. Point is, always know you're not alone. I'm here with you as are so many people this instant on this planet who are dealing with the pangs of heartbreak - and it's going to be fine.

    So continue to ride it out but have hope - because I know he's out there; but I heavily doubt he's this dude you're currently stuck on... and whoever he is, he's going to be so f*ing thankful the current guy failed to realize what he had (as will you).

  7. #66
    Gold Member Limiya's Avatar
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    RYANMI,

    Thanks for the lovely message. I agree with you 100%.
    I really do feel like these last couple of weeks or so I've turned a corner for the better. Yes I still have some hope one day he'll contact me etc, but I also have the same hope of meeting someone better. They are both co-existing alongside each other. And soon enough that 2nd hope will overtake the first ;)

    I had a phone-call from a friend/colleague of his who is a nutritionist last night. He told me that my ex explained my medical condition to him and he wanted to offer his help and knowledge if I needed it. So I asked him about the vitamins and he said he will look for some for me. So that was helpful.
    He also said he was sorry to hear that me and my ex had broken up. I told him it was fine, and it is what it is. He said 'I'm shocked cause he would always talk about you until a few months before you broke up'. I told him well it makes sense seeing as he met someone else and has a girlfriend.' He went quiet and said 'No he doesn't have a girlfriend. He was seeing a girl for a while until about a month ago, but she had to go back to her country due to Visa problems'. Of course that just made my head spin a little bit. I thanked him for the best wishes and the help and decided I didn't want to get into this. I just told him what will be will be.
    I really didn't want to develop any false hope from that. Or start mind reading.

    I don't know how you can cope sitting opposite your ex every day at work. Can you put headphones in and zone out at all? It would be torture for me if I saw my ex going for walks every afternoon with someone else. Are you able to move to a different area or section or work from home?

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