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Thread: 1st day NC

  1. #61
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    Oh, I heavily doubt his intentions are to flaunt her about; he's being a major a$$hole by contacting you for quite literally no reason while he's dating her.

    Imagine being with some new guy who seems really interesting for a few months and you find out he's called his ex-girlfriend that he broke up with to follow-up on her cat allergies that don't exist. Your stomach would fall and you'd have the pangs of the kind of feeling that you and I both know all too well right now.

    He should be single if he wants to reach out to you and my guess is that because he's not single and currently has no intentions of being single from this girl yet, he's reaching out to see if you are still invested in him so he has the Linus van Pelt style comfort blanket of the fact that you're still single and readily available and enchanted to him if his current relationship goes the way of the dodo and dies.

    But again, he's miscalculating because you're moving on - not lingering around to be his safety net if he decides to dump this girl. If/When that day comes in the distant future, you'll have moved on to a point where you can think clearly on if it is the right person for you.

    I've broken up with plenty of people in my life; I would never, never contact them unless I was single and wanted to see if we could make things work and even then, it would be seeing if we can hit the hard reset button on our relationship if they are interested and building it from ground-up once again; so there would be no "kisses" at the end of my phone calls... well, not that there ever would be anyways because I'm not 15 anymore... but if he wants to try to blow you kisses he can do so when he's single; but honestly - he's emotionally cheating on his current girlfriend by calling his ex and chatting then ending it with 'kisses'. Remember, he's that ex... the clown one.

    Her heart would probably sink to the pit of her stomach if she knew he does that and it will sink someday because you can't change his nature - he's an a*hole and his relationships will largely turn to ash in life; he'll likely blame others rather than gain self-awareness since that's how it goes usually with these types. You on the other hand are going to be okay and some currently unknown stranger somewhere is going to be so thankful this dumb*ss ruined things between the two of you and dumped you when he meets you in the future.

    You are not any ex-boyfriend's f* comfort blanket of a fallback plan while they hold another relationship; you are single and free right now - you are someone's best decision they ever made, you just haven't met that someone yet.
    Last edited by RyanMI; 09-09-2019 at 11:24 AM.

  2. #62
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    You could very easily stop this from happening ever again.

  3. #63

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    Hello Limiya, I read your post and feel sorry and happy at the same time for your situation and your progress.
    I am curious there is any update?
    No matter what happen, do not initiate any conversation with him. Let time do its work and just keep moving on!!!

  4. #64
    Gold Member Limiya's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by CYork
    Hello Limiya, I read your post and feel sorry and happy at the same time for your situation and your progress.
    I am curious there is any update?
    No matter what happen, do not initiate any conversation with him. Let time do its work and just keep moving on!!!
    Hi,
    No real update honestly.
    I've just gone straight back to No Contact.
    I don't expect any further calls from him. He's managed 2 months so far without contacting me till now, i'm sure he'll just move on.

    I have booked a holiday for the 24th, so i'm looking forward to that.
    I've completely deleted his contact number and I can no longer look at his WhatsApp to check his last seen status anymore.
    I don't want to keep feeling expectation or hope. I want to move to the anger phase and let him go.

    Last night I felt a bit angry which made me feel better about the breakup. Trying to remind myself of negatives of him helps a lot.
    Reading posts above from Ryan helps to put things in perspective also.
    I deserve better than this.

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  6. #65
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    Hey Limiya! Glad to hear from you but sorry to hear he's still an ear-worm of a bad pop-song stuck in your head. I imagine his pop-song would be something involving a sitar and vegan-based bongos? Just by what I've gathered of him and what I've chosen to create in my head.

    Regardless, song sucks but it has that annoying, catchy hook that sticks in your brain on repeat and you swear it will never leave. I know the feeling, don't beat yourself up for it.

    Glad to hear you're going on a vacation - or 'holiday'. I'm from the USA so we call our slacks 'pants' and our pants 'underwear' just to be confusing.. so our holidays are Christmas/Easter/etc...

    You do deserve better than this guy. And it'll happen.

    Problem is that when Pandora shut the box, all that remained within it in her (human) control was hope. Hope is always the last thing to go, the one thing we hold out.

    Hope is "he'll call .. someday" and in that context, it's agonizing and you want hope to finally die.

    But hope is also beautiful. Hope is believing that you will find someone else (you will) and we're not talking settling for some bargain-bin, half-baked kinda guy who doesn't stack up; we're talking about literally feeling the same way you just felt for this guy, but for someone who deserves it.

    I promise you, it's going to happen. I can't say when or where, but I know it will. You and all humans capable of feeling love are literally programmed for moving on. We would not have survived as a species if every time someone we were madly attracted to died or left and we just never found another. We'd have been doomed. So give it time, you will fall for someone else.

    Also, trust me, I know how it feels. I fell - hard - for a woman who seemed like everything I have waited for, and she decided point-blank ~2 months ago that she was just not ready for a committed relationship .. right smack dab in the honeymoon period.. and I've had to accept it but was crushed. I work with her. I sit across from her, almost arms length, aiming at her. I literally watch as she leaves for walks on lunch with another single male coworker lol. Point is, always know you're not alone. I'm here with you as are so many people this instant on this planet who are dealing with the pangs of heartbreak - and it's going to be fine.

    So continue to ride it out but have hope - because I know he's out there; but I heavily doubt he's this dude you're currently stuck on... and whoever he is, he's going to be so f*ing thankful the current guy failed to realize what he had (as will you).

  7. #66
    Gold Member Limiya's Avatar
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    RYANMI,

    Thanks for the lovely message. I agree with you 100%.
    I really do feel like these last couple of weeks or so I've turned a corner for the better. Yes I still have some hope one day he'll contact me etc, but I also have the same hope of meeting someone better. They are both co-existing alongside each other. And soon enough that 2nd hope will overtake the first ;)

    I had a phone-call from a friend/colleague of his who is a nutritionist last night. He told me that my ex explained my medical condition to him and he wanted to offer his help and knowledge if I needed it. So I asked him about the vitamins and he said he will look for some for me. So that was helpful.
    He also said he was sorry to hear that me and my ex had broken up. I told him it was fine, and it is what it is. He said 'I'm shocked cause he would always talk about you until a few months before you broke up'. I told him well it makes sense seeing as he met someone else and has a girlfriend.' He went quiet and said 'No he doesn't have a girlfriend. He was seeing a girl for a while until about a month ago, but she had to go back to her country due to Visa problems'. Of course that just made my head spin a little bit. I thanked him for the best wishes and the help and decided I didn't want to get into this. I just told him what will be will be.
    I really didn't want to develop any false hope from that. Or start mind reading.

    I don't know how you can cope sitting opposite your ex every day at work. Can you put headphones in and zone out at all? It would be torture for me if I saw my ex going for walks every afternoon with someone else. Are you able to move to a different area or section or work from home?

  8. #67
    Gold Member Limiya's Avatar
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    My holiday was needed. I felt so relaxed the whole time, with lots of sun, warm weather and swimming etc. I hardly thought about the Breakup or my ex. I went out, made new friends, explored new areas etc.
    It was amazing honestly. I am already planning to go again as soon as possible.

    Of course I came home to constant rain and cloud, and over the weekend my mindset has regressed back to the breakup blues.
    Weekends I admit are usually the worst, so now it's Monday I feel a little better.
    However I just feel tired of all these and I want to feel better already. I want to be healed now!!!
    I am going to keep pushing forwards and doing my best, regardless.
    I can do this.

  9. #68
    Platinum Member Carus's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Limiya
    I can do this.
    You are doing it :)

    Yes we all want to feel better asap but grief takes it's time and unfortunately noone's invented a 'Heartbreak Pill' yet...(still waiting on Wiseman for that! )

    Glad you had a good break....They definitely do help*

    Ever Forward*

    Carus*

  10. #69
    Gold Member Limiya's Avatar
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    Thanks @Carus

    I'm still pushing on as much as I can. Working, being with friends.
    Some good news is starting to crop up now. My dance classes can start again soon, and I've been called about a new potential job offer in the pipeline so that has lifted my spirits a little.
    On top of that my monthly payments on my house has gone down and i'll get cashback so that's even better.
    I'm clinging to the little things at the moment.

    I have no idea what's happening with him at the moment or what he's up to. It's best I don't know, but man does my mind make stuff up constantly.
    Cause I don't know, then it must be the worst case scenario.
    He did follow me on twitter randomly a few days ago, but he never uses it and when he does, it's for work. So that's a bit strange.
    I figured it's probably just an auto generated thing, you know what it gives you the option to import people from your email or something? Does it even do that?
    I doubt he would have just randomly added me for no reason. Anyway, who cares right? It means nothing in the big scheme of things.

  11. #70
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    Limiya!

    Sorry about the time in between here - life and such got in the way.

    Don't concern yourself with what's happening with him or what he's up to. He'll go about his own life and you'll go about yours - I know it is easier said than done, but that's the attitude you need to take with it.

    Yes, Twitter does the auto-generate thing; it's likely the case here, he can select to "follow" those on his contacts. Consider his twitter account on par with Donald Trump's, whole lot of useless so don't bother.

    I'm glad you're keeping busy! This is one of the most important things you can do - possibly THE most important. In addition to dance classes and a potential new job, do yourself a favor - don't look at a breakup as the end of the world, approach this with the new lease on life style thinking that you would have if you had just been given a clean bill of health after a major illness. This is YOU time until you find the next person you'll fall in love with. So why not take this time to make yourself even more f*ing interesting.

    Honestly - something I have found to be very helpful is hitting goals and making new ones to keep myself from being lazy and dwelling. I challenge you to give it a try and see how it helps:

    write down a list:

    (First Part)
    5 Simple things you have always wanted to do but just haven't. (example: Watch the sunrise from X location, skydive, cook some dish you've always wanted to learn, whatever you want just make it something you can do relatively easily in a day but challenging enough it hasn't been done by you yet

    (Second Part)
    5 Big things you have always wanted to do but would require a little planning. (example: Learn to draw, Travel to X country, Get your SCUBA license, whatever you want just make it something you can do but would require more than a day.

    (Third Part)
    5 Locations (restaurants, clubs, bars, etc) you want to try but have not yet.

    (Fourth Part)
    And finally 5 blank spaces on your list at the bottom:

    1.
    2.
    3.
    4.
    5.

    ^ You need to fill these 5 blank spaces out with names of guys you have gone on a date with starting from when you made the list. I'm not talking romantic, dimly-lit dining room where you dressed to impress - I'm talking 5 guys you casually grabbed a drink with and just talked like friends with.

    Then look at your list; Hell, post it up in your place somewhere you'll see it constantly - that is your goal; not thinking of what he's doing. F* him and what he's doing; you got your own stuff to do and I promise you, he's not doing anything on a list of his own goals to improve his own experiences. He should have zero ability to control your destiny and it's time to grab those reins from the ghost of this guy and go back to taking control.

    So what's your list? I'll share mine if you share yours.

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